Be Gloriously Gay !

Its ok to be gay

I remember meeting, my first gay person at 5 years old. My mom took me to a hair salon

which was filled with woman.  They had the most beautiful features, make up, perfect hair,

well dressed, professional people. They spoke with such authority.

I couldn’t decide if they were men or women? My brain was confused at how something

so beautiful, could possibly be a man!?

They treated me with great kindness and made me lunch! I thought they

were the happiest people in the world. They laughed loudly, made so

many jokes, were openly bitchy in the nicest possible way.

Truth be told, I didn’t know what gay was. When someone explained it to me,

all I knew was I wanted to be “gay happy”!

I wanted to play with all the different clothes, laugh out loud and be Gloriously gay!

Over the years I have met some gay people. First off, let me say I did some research.

Pregnant mother’s hormonal levels influence the child’s sexual orientation,

so being gay, isn’t really a choice. Who chooses to be judged? 

Who chooses to face non acceptance by their family?

Who chooses to be treated with great prejudice? 

No one really! 

Your sexual orientation is only ONE part of who you are!

The rest of you is Spiritual, Happy, Intuitive, Joyful, full of 

Lovely Creation.

So be GLORIOUS gay!!!!! and most of all be you!

PS: Parents Accept your sons or daughters gayness it isn’t a Disease.

Sons / Daughters Accept, love, and be Gloriously Fabulous Darling!

From : Colleen with Love.

 

We seek. . .

Seek

We Seek unconditional love but struggle to give it.

We seek equality, but practice duality.

We seek kindness, but must first give it.

We seek health, but must first release the dis ease within us.

We seek a leaner body, but refuse to wake early.

We seek a fuller bank account, but procrastinate at fulfilling our dreams.

We seek a happier life, but fill it with materialism instead.

We seek simplicity, but buy it,  instead of growing it.

We seek friendship, but forget to not judge.

We seek acceptance, but forget to accept ourselves.

What we seek resides within us, it is only by cultivating ourselves

that we change our UNIVERSE inside and Outside of us.

By Colleen van Heerden

Sexual roles we play

Roles

I met my partner in 1998, we decided to get married in 1999, as we both felt we

could not live without each other. I then played the role of the “hunter”,

truth be told, he dumped me 7 times, it was heart breaking but I pursued him

and I knew that he was the One. He was my first lover and once I tasted the forbidden

fruit, well, I wanted more. I remembered that he worked away and returned on

Weekends from a really physical rope access job, I didn’t care if we ate,

slept, but I definitely left his place smiling from ear to ear on Monday morning.

I was exercising my male side, I gymed hard, I was in the corporate world

where my femaleness was considered a weakness. My male side was totally

dominating me, so I wanted to be shagged often, on demand.

I remember also visiting friends and at 9pm, my alarm would go off

so we could go home and shagg! My friends were appalled at my

level of efficiency, demands, and setting a sex alarm.

You see my crazy ness came from my YIN and YANG, not being balanced,

my Female side was totally subdued, seen as a weakness and Male

side was running rampant creating all kinds of chaos of being

arrogant, macho, wise ass and the Like. My gym mates were

older men who could bench press 150kg, and I was their spotter.

I could leg press 100kg with my legs no problem.
I was out of control!

It has taken years for me to recognize this, that deep down inside

I am a woman, it is not a weakness, it is my greatest strength.

I am intuitive, I practise yoga, meditation, reiki and I keep

track of both my YIN and YANG, as my male side tends

to want to OVERWORK, overdo, be all WINNING but

my female side is gentler, softer, loving, kinder.

To Keep the Balance of the Two, I practise Kundalini meditation.

Start having a relationship with yourself, and ladies learn

that you don’t have to be the hunter, you can be wooo’ed with flowers,

or a love letter.

Let GO! and let things happen, naturally balanced and synchronised.

Your Trigger points within…who pushes them?

Let it go

 

Yesterday, I consciously took a time out for me.

I felt I needed some COLLEEN time.

Time to reflect on my own emotions and relationship with myself.

What I found was somewhat profound and very healing for me.

I talked to my body about creating DISEASE in me and found

the reason for me having had bronchitus 3 times last year was

a lack of tolerance for myself. This emotion then created an intolerance

to wheat, diary, potatoe and eggs.  I suffered for at least 8 months of this and

then I decided to accept, love and eat what I want and deal with my emotions.

I apologised to my body and said I love you and moved on.

Next was my expectations and disappointments with myself and others.

Knowing I come from a very disciplined grandfather who instilled

it,  into me with a very hard hand. My expectations of myself and humanity are

oh so high. I feel disappointed that I haven’t purchased my own home yet,

I still feel content blessed and happy with living in such a gorgeous place.

I had to happily let go of my expectation / disappointment in myself which

led me to disappointment in others. Without opening a can of worms,

I find it really hard to forgive once someone has disappointed me.

I wrote my truth down, as to why, this is, and well I forgave and let go.

Next on the list was my own bitterness due to failed expectation.

I expected to be thinner already, and all I can say to myself is,

I am doing the best I can, for now this is acceptable. I am not quitting

but I am also being kind to my own body by pacing myself and

not rushing into extremeness because my ego feels that I’m not

progressing fast enough. I am fitter, happier, kinder, and I love my

body more, so for now, I will continue on my journey.

Bitterness towards small things that I never speak of also came up,

I happily put them on my piece of paper, waiting to burn and let go

of it.

Next on my list was my courage to adventure more,

to be less of a pain in my own ass. I seemed to have lost some of it

as I have become comfortable and content. I know in this space,

I don’t learn or grow, so I decided to save for a Adventure to Cape Town,

my mother city, to see my Mountain, to eat fish and chips, to inhale

the smell in Texies fish shop in Cape Town. To feed the squirrels.

To watch the ocean in Fish hoek. To visit Kalkies and eat loads of fish.

To go eat Dosa, if I can find the place. On the list for this year.

All of this took me an hour to check in with myself, to clean out what triggers

me. I happily burnt the page, forgave, blessed, released, let go.

I then reiki’d myself for 30 minutes and I must say I feel amazingly kinder,

more loving and gentler.

Having a Relationship with yourself is awesome!

I recommend it. Get to know you! You are pretty amazing and beautiful!

Colleen with LOVE x x xx x x

My Grandpa said. . .

Grandpa

 

My grandpa has passed on, over 20 years now, and July 31st used to be  his  birthday.

I begun to remember all of his uniqueness, his personality and what made him, him.

His name was George Edward Langeman like the KING GEORGE cigar box that he kept in his

cupboard, he was German.

He taught me many values that I will share with you, it shaped who I am,

and it keeps helping me,  make good decisions for my life.

So here are some treasures to ponder upon:

1. TALK is Cheap  – but money buys the Whiskey.  I learnt this,  from a young age that

people talk to much and Act to little.

2. Colour, Race, Creed doesn’t matter, interact with everyone as it is in this “grey”

area that you learn who you are and grow from it.

3. Have acquaintances but choose your friends wisely. He had four friends :

a colleague, a policeman, a butcher and a shoe store owner. He visited them

on his off days and drank way to much whiskey.

4. Love is unconditional, practising this  –  is difficult.

5. Be responsible with yourself as far as possible. Take care of yourself, look good.

6. Dress stylish. He always wore Lee jeans, Italian shoes, a leather belt with

his name on it, a black leather jacket. He was always clean shaven and smelt of old spice.

7. Be on time, be an hour early if you must.

8. Don’t be lazy. My grandpa retired and then got another job delivering flowers, he literally

worked until the day he died. Hard work is good for you.

9. Manners : Always have manners, say please and thank you.

10. If you have nothing good to say, don’t say it. Keep your mouth shut.

11. Travel and Learn new things, you can do anything.

12. Don’t listen to other people, do what you want.

13. Be Respectful to your elders. Learn to Serve.

 

I miss him, as he was not only my grandpa but my best friend.

We will meet again! and share all of my adventures.

Treasure your grandparents, they are such treasures to be remembered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I think its awesome to be a WOMAN ……

Megan Fox Wonder Woman

 

 

 

 

Over the past month, I had the privilege of meeting amazing  woman…..

 

Woman who have survived:

Cancer.

Who are raising two down syndrome kids.

Who has buried a kid.

Who had a miscarriage.

Who has survived rape / sexual molestation.

Who chose to be a Single Mom.

Who are in a loveless relationship.

Who seek to be satisfied : body, mind, spirit.

Who feel that this world should be run by WOMEN!

Who feel that this world needs no War.

Who take on the world : home, business, kids, and put themselves at the BOTTOM of the LIST.

 

WOMAN you are the most amazing creation in the WORLD.

You have a link to your DIVINITY : INTUITION.

Use your GUT feeling.

Follow your instincts.

Keep learning about having PLEASURE and enjoying LIFE.

Be YOU.

Live your passion.

Laugh.

Giggle.

Enjoy who you are  !   You are Beautiful! Amazing! Strong! a Warrior!

and you make this world a better place.

All my love!

Colleen

 

 

What if …

Energy

What if :

You accepted being amazing…

What if:

You knew you were part of the infinite.

What if:

You saw your possibilities as endless.

What if:

You were rolling in the money.

What if:

You were in harmony with how you saw yourself and how you really are.

What if:

You possessed such awesomeness, you beamed of love.

What if:

You loved yourself unconditionally.

What if:

You accepted just to be YOU!

What if. . . . . You knew that you’re beautiful, special, awesome, amazing…

and capable of creating your OWN Universe…..

 

….>>>>It starts with you!

 

Real people ……..

Real People Laugh

Over the last three days, I have massaged all kinds of the most interesting people ever.

From a professor of law, a business man, a forensic accountant to a farmers wife.

All these people are “real people” living their most authentic selves  in life.

The one I found most interesting is the business man. He opens butchers in the townships

which is then followed by opening of a shop. He interacts with the black community

in Khayelitsha, he is aware of the culture, concepts and poverty.

He is a calm, chilled, amazing man. He admits his weaknesses easy

and affirms his strengths.

His grandfather was a butcher, his father was a butcher and he is a butcher.

I felt blessed to meet such an amazing spirit, a real person with such a big heart for people,

no matter their colour or creed. I felt inspired by this man, to keep being my authentic self,

to live my truth, and to keep being who I am, a crazy therapist/ healer/ wife / body worker.

May your day be filled with Real People! who make you laugh out Loud!

Blessings.

 

Colleen

 

 

 

Ramblings about time…..

Clock

As a kid, a day felt like an entity. As a teenager, my misspent youth of dancing and chasing boys seemed like a lifetime ago.

As a young adult finding my feet to become a adult,  I longed to be an  Adult! To be Free and to have money.
Now in my late 30’s, time seems to pass me by! so quickly. Just yesterday, it was January,

it is July 2014!  Time seems to have moved on, faster and quicker.

Days pass by like a blur.

At night, I can’t wait to get to bed to start afresh tomorrow, to get to do all I didn’t do today!

As a adult, I seem to have missed some time, like from age 6 to 16, it has all meshed into one in my brain.

As in I was free, and then I became a responsible adult.

I have been listening to Sir Ken Robinson about the hoax, we’ve been fooled to believing.

 (( http://www.ted.com Sir Ken Robinson makes an entertaining and profoundly moving case for creating an education system that nurtures (rather than undermines) creativity.))

I believe time has been stolen from us, by having us conditioned to a system that no longer serves our spirit.

Time for us to become all that we longed to be! free, spirited, creative,

loving, kind, gentle, fiery, and self evolved.

It feels like TIME is NOW! like I cannot put things off for to long, no procrastination!

I have to act now, if I want to achieve anything in the future.

Like its taken me this long to become fitter, so I have and must use my time

wisely to keep me motivated and keep at it.

Like planting a tree is investing in your future fruit.

Saving money for a “rainy day”.

Exercising now to keep you healthy.

 

Next :  Time to create a new vision board! of our future creation.

 

In a few weeks SPRING will be sprung upon us………….

 

Time to Gather all thoughts and ideas and put them into practise…..

 

Time to ACT! more,…  Less talk talk talk….

 

Time to Check in with myself and see…..where I’m at…….

Surviving 15 years of marriage, what I’ve learnt so far …

marriage

I had a simple lunch yesterday, celebrating our love of 15 years, actually 16 years together.
The first anniversary you remember the most, the rest begin to form a blur of none rememberance.
Never take advice from divorced, separated or single people, it obviously didn’t work out. Take advice from happy old couples only.

Marriage is a Journey, your partner will happily highlight your flaws and point

out your wrongs, take it and then make an effort to correct your behavior.
Never go to bed angry, with one another.
When an issue arises, take time to be quiet and identify the issue, don’t stir each others “pain body” and forget all the good together. (no screaming matches) Respect each other to be quiet.
An Anniversary is a double edged sword, people celebrate it for the “lack of love” they didn’t give their partner, throughout the year. Try and make everyday special, it only takes time to do so.
Disappointment and hurt are part of life, don’t close off your heart because of it, learn to love more and to forgive.
Your partner holds your heart and love in his hands, treat him with love and with care.
Expectations are a vicious ambition, it will either make you dreadfully unhappy or help you realize you need to let go of the picture in your head and move on. Create a vision board as a couple instead.
Life is complex. It is filled with irony. Sometimes not getting what you want is actually good for you.
In this journey of love, a deep partnership where all secrets are open for the viewing, the good, the bad, the ugly, there is also the threat of our mortality, knowing that one day we will die and we might suffer, but die we will eventually do. The loss of your partner will come, but for now we live together as if time has no end.
Learn to appreciate,  every moment of whatever emotion you share.
Adventuring together is important. Assist your partner to grow, but don’t carry, ‘enable’ or
Subdue any part of who you are.
Being a good wife is putting your needs first! Years later bitterness and anger will bite you, if you aren’t taken care of you.
Living your dream and working together, is one part courage, one part bravery, one part discipline not to
“kill” the person you see everyday.
Accepting that we are both needy individuals, wanting attention, acceptance, love, and a friend to approve of your mad ideas.
A partner to laugh at life, to fall over our own feet, and repeat stupid mistakes, its called humanity.
Its ok for your partner and yourself to relearn about action and consequences again and again and again…..
In the end, love is what we strive for.
Love is present when there is a absence of judging, blaming, assuming, taking it personally and leaving behind the victimhood, at the front door.
Love an unconditional emotion, part of the infinite, we seek it, treasure it, and sometimes find it. I know I have in these years of growing into my own ‘madness’, finding my own happiness in who I am and standing up to be the person, he saw me to be, when we met years ago.

And so we journey on, into the unknown…..

 

Beating yourself up during Winter !

 

Beating Yourself Up

Let me start off by saying I am a tropical person. I love the warm sun, the ocean, fresh fish off the grill and picking up shells at the beach. I love warmth, I don’t mind sweating my ass off in India, I don’t mind it at all.

What is really hard for me is Winter! My fingers are cold, my joints are not agile, I have to really force myself out of bed.

Its freezing, I have my tea and start doing my yoga pose routine. I also added in lunges, crunches, and squats just to force myself to get firmer. By the time I am done, I am warmer, its time to brace the outside coldness. I am dressed like an eskimo while my partner snuggles his pillow and out I go.

I have found that I cannot cut out carbs in winter, I need potatoes, I need bread, I need oats, I just don’t get warm. I then feel guilty and “beat up on myself” because I don’t intend to be fat again but I just cannot do without these necessities.

So, I embarked on a plan to keep me balanced.

I will try to have soups before 6pm in the evening, a green soup filled with peas, chickpeas or a spinach soup to speed up my metabolism, any soup will do. I will fast from 6pm to 7am the next morning having no drinks or eats before I go to bed to keep my fitness and not gain flab.

I will eat the bread, snacks, whatever I chose but I must do it in the middle of the day from 10am to 3pm, so it is digested before my system slows down. I will eat more fruits, nuts, healthy snacks also to keep me healthy.

I will continue with my raw juices of beetroot, carrot, apple. I will reduce my msg intake and ensure I stay healthy during winter.

The guilt comes easily when you are a woman because we tend to put on weight so quickly and taking back control is very hard sometimes.

So, I embark on a guilt-free winter eating because its normal to go into hibernation and eat and forget about the consequences thereof.

Its Winter ! So to recap my method of outsmarting winter…
Eat what you want from 10am to 3pm.

Make warm soups at night to keep your metabolism going.

No Eating from 6pm to 7am the next morning.

Up your intake of fruits, nuts, wholesome foods.

Keep drinking raw juices and smoothies to keep you healthy.

Exercise everyday.

Yoga Everyday.

 

Make a conscious effort to CUT you some slack because its winter!

Spring will arrive soon enough! Lets endure the WINTER.

 

 

Suppressing of your spirit leads to Depression

Pill popping Nation

For the last seven years of my life, I have found a deep happiness within myself.

This wasn’t always my truth. I was forced into finding a job, earning a salary, and dealing

with suppressing my spirit which cracked me at least once a month.

I could feel people lying to me. I could feel their pain. I could feel their emotions,

I was an empath but I had no way of balancing or controlling it. Sometimes I would get

depressed for days, thinking I was going crazy. I could tell you when someone

would die or when someone was pregnant.

The feelings were deep and strong and still are.

By suppressing my spirit to live in a 5 sensory world, of eating, drinking, working, living in a zombie state, really was not for me.

Depression for me,  means the suppressing of your INNER VOICE, your INNER Spirit where wisdom lives.

I also feel that every time you do not listen to your inner voice, your Ego / Shadow self takes over. The effects are dreadful, as

your darker self, loves misery, disappointment, sadness, pain and the like. You can see a pattern growing here.

I feel that by learning to Listen to your spirit and growing with it, you can balance it.

To start off , you need a Healthy Diet, and a living Spiritual Life.

Your Healthy Diet should include fresh vegetables and fruit, low carbs, 2 l of “love activated” water a day and kombucha.

Your Spiritual Life needs prayer, meditation, fasting, exercise everyday to keep you grounded and balanced.

You need to visualize grounding yourself, growing roots to the core of the Earth, filling your aura with

love and light,  including a blue shield for protection.

You need to have daily coarse salt baths with epsom salts to cleanse your aura.

Using Gem stems like obsidian, hematite, pietersite, ulexite to keep you centered in your body are essential.

(You can wear them on your body)

Living your spirit is part of your Spiritual heritage, in listening to your inner voice, you will find your life purpose to love, serve and remember who you are.

Taking anti-depressants to suppress feelings is not the answer for me. Taking a pill to suppress living, to block out the joy, the ability to feel, the ability to Smile, the ability to give Love is not living.  Of course, there are extreme circumstances where it is necessary, but I also feel that a “male” driven medical service which subscribes a pill to fix it, is not handling the deeper emotional issue of unhappiness.

I feel that is it more loving to express emotions. To cry if you need to. To Love, To Forgive, To  be YOU!

To choose healing with reiki and massage instead is healthier.

To choose a gentler approach to inner life of self.

Don’t be afraid to face you! It is by addressing these deeper issues that we learn to grow, love and heal.

 

 

 

Are you maturing well? like a good wine? like a delicious cheese?

Maturity 2

Maturity  ?
 
In my teens, my favourite thing to do was dance and listen to live bands in clubs, however, waking up the next morning, with a snotty nose due to the huge volumes of smoke I inhaled was not as cool.

I do long for the entertainment and freedom, but I am changing. What felt like entertainment then, isn’t the same at this moment in my life.

The most fun for me is completing my thoughts, writing, creating something amazing in the kitchen, dancing around the house all by myself, I really enjoy my own company.

My ultimate of course is massaging and igniting healing in the human body, at that moment I am happiest.
I totally enjoy reading inspirational books that inspire me, to be more me.

My partner and I were discussing how we “used” hop onto the blame train and blame each other for all kinds of inadequacies, ending in extreme arguments which were uncalled for.

We have both grown with continuous inner work on ourselves and our own consciousness.

We are at peace at home. The birds sing, the sun rises and sets, we have a fire at night and we work in the garden together. We visit the small town of Howick for supplies once a week and we are enjoying living a simple life.

We do not have television. We do not read newspapers. We do not listen to the news broadcast on the radio.
We both love watching series and enjoy animation.

The best part for me is waking up early to watch Kungfu panda and just listen to my partners laughter.

Yesterday we were lying in the sun together, enjoying the heat and just enjoying the moment of life.

I guess I have learnt how to self entertain without bright lights, noise, excessive driving, and  extremeties.

I feel I am maturing and nurturing me. I am finding peace and fun in the silence, in the books I read, in the writing I create, in the moment of being here, living the experience of life.

Those of you who has seen me in the last month, will know I upgraded to a new Blackberry z10 with touchscreen predictive text, 8 mg pixel camera, torch and so on. I had to learn how to operate my phone.

I texted my friend in India: “Are you regular”, I meant to say : “Are you ready to marry”? Oops, the fun of learning how to operate a new device. I’m improving everyday, enjoying the experience of technology.

Growing wiser, and growing older, I’m moving into the softer, gentler years of my life and it feels good.

Maturity is something to look forward to.

 

 Maturity 1

 

 

From Sensitive to Thick Skinned

Suffering by Dalai Lama

 

When I decided to be a healer, I really had no clue what I was getting myself into.

I didn’t know about boundaries, or protection or saying no. All I knew was I wanted to help.

I was a baby back then, finding my way through the path of healing. Yes, I had all the

diploma’s and certificates to prove my authenticity, my intentions were good, but I was a baby.

I am now moving into my 7th year of full time therapist, healer, wife, hairdresser,

woodchopper, driver, repairer, nurturer, guider and so on.

This week one of my clients said: “I mentioned you to one of my friends, since her daughter is “up your street and alley”, and he meant it was such good intention.  I first laughed at his sweetness and then commented that its ok, I really don’t mind what he thinks, all I care about is that I get to massage him, in that moment I knew I have growned up, I have become “thick” skinned.

I no longer seek outer approval, my happiness is approval enough.

I am happy. I wake up everyday to live my dream, to instill love and just be who I truly am.

On Saturday, I was challenged by a very angry client, all I could do was “laugh”  and restore her body.

I didn’t take it personal at all, I know that every emotion holds energy and with a release, calmness and love will overflow the body.

So, from a very sensitive me to a thick skinned me.

I’m growing.

I realized that I have been doing alot of inner work to become stronger.

I meditate everyday on myself, from the time I was born to my present time.

I instill love in me on a deeper level.

I reiki me everyday.

I check in with my emotions to release all anger or cry when I need to.

I pray.

I exercise.

All of this has guided me to have a good relationship with myself, and be in such a peaceful and good space, after living my dream for 6 years.

My advise to you is! you keep Learning, Growing, Nurturing you! So, you can live and be your TRUE self.

To instill love, kindness, gentleness to yourself and to others.

Happy Journeying WITHIN!.

 

xxxxxx

 

Happy Colleen.

 

 

Why Cupid and I have broken up?

anti cupid image 2
I started out as a romantic in my 20’s. I believed in love at first sight. I believed in dating. I believed in true love.

Well then life happened and I felt the story books of Mills and Boons really told every conceivable lie possible, because life certainly wasn’t the same, so I decided to quit playing cupid this year.

Not without heartache and tears. Here is my story. I journeyed to India in 2008, I met a young man, we’ll call him MR X.

Mr X and I became very good friends over the years. I made a point of visiting when I journeyed to India as he was from South Africa, from Pietermaritzburg in fact, we had great laughs and great fun as friends.

When I returned to South Africa in 2008, we lived in Bethlehem, the Free state. I opened my practise in 2009 and I met a young lady, whom I’ll call Mrs Y. Mrs Y and I became good friends, she studied Reiki with me, I counselled her on many occasions. She visited frequently and we had good laughs about life.

It is now 2014, I was still friends with both Mr X and Mrs Y. I had encouraged them to meet as I felt they would be a good match,

so I introduced them via whats app in January 2014.

I believe in dating and I also know that you truly know a person, once you spend time with them, and I

set a rule that if they were to meet at my “space”,

I would feel it inappropriate for them to sleep together on their first meeting.

Oh My GOD! did this backfire because I felt it was my space and I felt they needed to respect my boundaries.

I was judged, ridiculed and written off.

I have thus been unfriended in so many ways, 3 months ago.

This month June 2014, they were married, pictures appeared from everywhere, name changed and advertised.

I felt hurt for many days, until I decided to not take it personally.

Taking into account, I spoke to them both everyday on whats app.

We chatted as long time friends, I spent 6-7 years being a good friend.

In the sense of friendship, I connected the two of them.

I cried the other because I was heartbroken. I had invested, time, energy, friendship in both of them.

I then decided I will no longer play cupid, no matter how desperate, lonely, or sad you are.

I decided to look at my own shortcomings, and it was because I didn’t want them to hurt each other with a quick sexual relationship, as I knew them both. I wanted them to get to know each other deeper, so a long lasting love evolved.

So, I happily pack my cupid’s bow and arrow away, I surrender, forgive, bless, release and move onto a stronger me.

Single shortcoming by Dalai Lama

Pain body “activated” grumpy, complaining, angry…

Inner pain

Inner pain

Pain body activated! Grumpy! Complaining!Angry! me against the world attitude.

I have encountered quite a few people who are in this space of “pain body activated”.
It means that you are in a negative space of being in “pain” either physically, emotionally, or spiritually, you are disconnected from your SPIRIT and your shadow / ego has taken over. It does happen to the best of us.

When your body can take no more pain or you just in a hectic situation or you’ve experienced too much trauma in your life, the  body kicks back. The trick is to take note of the signs. Your body is screaming at you and the pain isn’t subsiding.
Firstly, identify since when and where you are like this : grumpy, angry and what circumstances has changed?
Secondly, identify how you lost your joy ? Is it due to overworking? Death? Sadness?
Thirdly, is it seasonal? Due to cold uncomfortable weather?
Whatever, the reason lets start with the basics.

Ensure you drink enough water, if you are in the Midlands collect activated crystals filled with love and gratitude for free from me for your water. (limited offer).

Next eat regular snacks of nuts, cranberries, fruit, and gluten free crackers exclude bread. (I have a recipe to share, I will post it.)

Make delicious soups that will fill your tummy and help you feel nurtured.

Exercise is sanity for everyone, start walking in the evening or in the mornings or buy a trampoline. Invest in a juice extractor or smoothie maker and start creating your ideal snacks.
Emotionally where are you? Are you unhappy? Are you just plain grumpy? Well it could be that you lack Vitamin D which is what we receive from the sun. We need it, and it boost our immune system and ignites good health. If you haven’t been in the sun, take vit D or come for a massage, I have infra red lights to boost your body, to open your cells and ignite a healthier you.
Spiritually : we all have spirits, some call it our soul. Are you feeding it regularly with reading, fun, knowledge, pleasure? Have you learnt a new skill yet? Have you started yoga as it opens your chakra’s?
Did you join that class that you always wanted to? Did you go for Reiki and just cleanse out your system?
If the answer is NO! Well this is the moment to decide to be a better you.
Covering all your basics of a good life, includes a healthy diet, exercise, massages, reiki, knowledge and a good discipline so you don’t put on the pounds in WINTER, so you don’t self sabotage yourself with Unhealthy comfort foods and so you don’t regret it later.
Discipline in winter is a pain in the as$! Its hard, but its even harder to loose the extra weight come summer when you want to swim in the neighbours pool feeling like a lovely floating dolphin and not like a 
Please don’t misinterpret my words. I love my body, but I am not prepared to have work off the winter blubber again.
So in conclusion stay sharp! Keep focused! And you’ll keep your happy body and smile until summer comes, no matter how cold it gets. Keep sane.
Keep at it! I know I am.

Balance of the Universe

Balance of the Universe

A little girls story

 

 

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I have been inspired by Keri from http://www.midlandsmusings.com to write this story. I have seen two ladies this week,  who are rape survivors, who are on a healing path. The scars are many but the love is there for the healing. Thanks to you Keri, a lady read your blog and decided to heal and come for Reiki. This in itself is a huge huge shift from pain to healing. Healing one soul on this earth, affects everyone around them, and shifts to the magic of love.

A little girls story of healing

She felt free everyday, she prayed at school to Jesus and Mother Mary every morning. She enjoyed being filled with love and light. Her skin glowed, her eyes sparkled. She was happy, free, and alive.

Then one day the darkness came. He was a father, a husband, and a son. It happened one evening at sunset, he grabbed her pushed her down, held a hand over her mouth, and forced his weight onto her tiny body, she screamed and cried but he didn’t stop. She closed her eyes and prayed for it to be over.
Her spirit left that day but she knew it would return in the future, she was 6 years old.

He had a deep disease, disease of alcoholism, living a dualistic life. He pretended to be a good father, son, and a husband but deep down inside, she knew the monster he was.

He took her light and replaced it with darkness, a darkness which brought depression, nightmares, anxiety and fear.

The years of rape and abuse left scars on the inside, hate, anger, distrust for men, it ignited her inner warrior, fighter, revolutionary to make this world a better place.

The effects of her abuse, started with suicidal tendencies in her teens, she left a letter for her grandmother to read when she was gone. As fate would have it, her granny found it and sobbed
bitterly, it was her son.

She was told to forget it, as it happens, its part of life.

She shut off her female side, as it made her feel vulnerable, weak, inferior.

She shaved all her hair off, she never wore dresses, she exercised so she could remain fit and fast. She turned off her humanity of feeling.
The years went by like a blur. Slowly the hate, anger resurfaced. She was going to crack. It was then she found her saviour.

The day she went to meet her, she shook with nervous anxiety all over her body. Breathing hurt, her heart ached.
She would see right through all of the pain, hurt, scars the pain of life so far, her Reiki Master.
The Reiki Master took it all out, the pain, hurt, scars, blockages, she healed the little girl on the inside.
Words could not describe the feeling of being whole again, of having her spirit returned to her.
Feeling that sparkle, that true self spark of life return, it was like being reborn again.

She was given a second chance at life, love, creating and living her spirit.
She could grow, and flourish and be herself. Grow her hair, learn to wear dresses and never fear the darkness again. She would become the person she felt long ago.
She knew her spirit had returned, it was time to become her true self, the old lady she felt for so many years.

The one who had old wisdom, who would prefer to meditate, more than to speak.

The light would shine again in her spirit and soul and she would help others do the same.
Love. Live. Forgive. Bless. Become whole within your soul.

 

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Cash Flow as a Freelancer : Writer, Artist, Therapist, Blogger

Writing an Art

Writing an Art

It has been 6 years since I started out as a therapist, moving into my 7th year.

When I started my practise in Bethlehem 2009, I struggled to make money in order to meet my needs. My mother in law saved us a few times but I felt that this was not right. My pride hurt at that moment, as I felt I let myself down, and my purpose down. I felt deep disappointment, believing that this is how it should be.

I didn’t have the capacity to change it? or did I? I started reading ancient hebrew scripture.  I researched Tibetan knowledge with the help of Greg Braden. I went deeper within myself using Sonia Choquette tools. I read about the gratitude effect by Dr E Demartini. I studied Deepak Chopra’s 7 spiritual laws of life.

 

What I learnt so far, is this……..

I create my money

 

I meditate on Money flowing in and meeting my needs of Rent, Debit orders, Fuel and Food. I see the money sustaining us, without being attached to it.

I visualize it.

I discipline myself by saying NO! to frugal spending.

I limit my needs to food, accomodation, fuel, internet, so I can save for a “rainy” day.

I decide to not overspend on my budget.

I schedule debit orders for the middle of the month, when I have more money in the bank, so I keep a clean “credit” record, in case I need to buy something on credit.

I invest in a healthy diet filled with fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts, cranberries as your health is your wealth.

There is no sick leave, when you work for yourself. So your health is very valuable.

I exercise 6 days a week to get all the creative juices flowing, so even if its cold outside, I do it, because it is good for me.

A flexible mind equals a flexible body. Yoga is good for me. It opens blockages, shifts your vibration and gets you moving, recommended for everyday practise.

I created a vision board, to visualize receiving what I need on it, and creating with my mind so I keep focused.

When I receive money, I place it on the bed and I roll in it!  this act brings forth joy!

Saying I’m rolling in the money! associates money with joy and then YOU  give 10% of it away, pay yourself 10% and  then save or pay expenses that are present.

Calculate how many hours do you need to work to earn the amount of money you need? Once you have achieved this, Act on it!

You need to advertise your unique skill: By word of mouth. Facebook. Twitter. Pinterest. Network, use the local newspaper, blog. Are all valuable tools of spreading the word about your service.

Be Professional in all that you do! Give great service, Be authentic and remember to never HIT your name with a Plank in Public!

Save your self sabotage for later, when you can sit and cry by yourself, if you need to.

Belief in yourself.

Be passionate about what you do.

LIVE it.

Breathe it.

Talk about it.

Everyday remember you are living your dream, you are one in a million, so be joyful about it.

STOP any of your complaints in there tracks, don’t entertain it.

Freelancing in any field  brings forth : = Happiness = Balance = A good life of rolling in the Money.

Your art, your work is unique and valuable!

You are worthy of being paid well!
I meet many people who say I am to expensive or I am so cheap, the fact is I cannot please everyone.

So, I refrain from people pleasing.

 

YOU are a vessel of Light. You consist of 70% water.

 

The highest vibration on the planet is you! You can change the weather. You can decide to attract money and clients with your intention for an abundant life.

First, you need to be content, happy and grateful in this moment.

 

Enjoying WHO you are!

Loving what you stand for.

Knowing you are contributing to a Higher service of Humanity.

By being happy you contribute to happiness all around you.

You bring joy and peace by just being you.

So LOVE YOU.

LIVE your passion.

You don’t need to conform.

Be Rebellious.

Be mad about what you do.

I certainly am.

I dream of massaging and reiki’ing the human body.

I dream of dancing with my spirit.

Igniting love in this process of being.

I love how love transforms your body.

The magic of abundance is living in you.

So Start imagining and creating your Life today!

Therapist Freelance healer

Therapist Freelance healer

 

ODE to my beautiful body

Google Images

Google Images

 

Dear Body

Over the years, I have overworked you : I’m sorry.

Today, I want  to say thank you:

Thank you : Feet for letting me walk around, I so need you.

Thank you : Calves for detoxing me, and holding me up.

Thank you : Thighs for being so strong and firm.

Thank you : Bum for connecting my hips to my back.

Thank you : Spine for keeping me all together.

Thank you : Tummy when I hold you, I don’t feel fat, I just feel you.

Thank you : Boobs : guys love you.

Thank you : Arms : for the magic of using you : you work hard. thank you.

Thank you : Neck for being flexible and free.

Thank you : Head for all the wonderful functions of sight, see, taste, smell.

Thank you : Hair for having a mind of your own.

Thank you : Spirit for giving me life, joy of being.

Be thankful for your body! it will change, grow smaller, wider, older, but where you are now! is exactly where you should be!

Gratefully accept you! You are Special!

 

 

H a p p i n e s s – an inside job

I feel happy! Happy like the little girl in Despicable me – screaming “I’m so o o o o happy!”

That’s exactly how I feel.

Reflecting on my life recently, seeing my old photographs, remembering my old journey made me appreciate my life so much more.

I’m from Cape town, the mother city, its beautiful I know but its not the city, I grew up in anymore.
I grew up in a small town, there wasn’t a big harbour, or crime, or a huge stadium. People didn’t get mugged in daylight. Old people didn’t get robbed, they were respected. This is the town I was raised in. I often spoke to the mountain seeking answers, now being away from Cape town for 7 yrs, I found them.

Now, I live contently in the Midlands. The sun rises and sun sets. The birds chirp, occasionally I chase a wild buck in the morning. I hear jackals at night and owls.
I see and feel the wind in the trees.
I walk in our garden and connect with our plants by reiki’ing them to grow.

I find myself talking to the cat and dog a lot.

I enjoy living near the forest, everything has its purpose here, it feels like I’m more in sync with my life now than ever.

I enjoy meditating, doing yoga and reiki’ing me – in the morning. I enjoy doing my hebrew morning prayers. I enjoy sending energy to strangers in need.

I feel almost worthy of happiness, this moment that I have longed for, for so much in my life, it is here within me.

It is not dependant on the amount of stuff I have, or money or clothes, or being debt free, its a deep feeling of knowing I’m happy.

Whatever, happens I will return to this space and find my happiness once again.

Living out in the country has truly been the most healing life for me, and my partner.

Living our true purpose – me as a healer and him an artist : to love, to serve, to create a space of magic where we are.

How can you be happy?

Eat less junk food.
Drink less alcohol.
Take less drugs.
Reduce your driving in traffic.
Reduce your carbon footprint, recycle.
Cook at home, with love.
Drink crystal infused love water.
Grow your own vegetables.
Decide to have a relationship with yourself.
Turn off auto pilot in your body.

Feel the earth under your feet – get grounded.
Exercise.
Cry more.
Laugh more.
Journal your feelings.
Draw.
Paint.
Play.

Seek your passion and then live it.

Quit the job you hate!

Changing your vibration to happiness affects all of your life. You decide to shine, to give love, to forgive, to be happy.

Your happiness affects others and the planet, because we are part of the one consciousness.

Step into an unknown space of infinite possibilities.

Heal your body with massage, reiki, meditation, letting go ceremony.

Love yourself.

Decide to live your spirit.

So, many people are living in a male – I must vibration, they surpress the female side of their bodies.

Life is meant to be a balance of love, happiness, yin and yang!

Cutting out all pleasure or joy is a ploy from the EGO – don’t be sucked in. Misery loves disappointment, company, more drama, more unhappiness.

Stop!

We are spirit!

We love to dance, sing, create, and be ourselves.

Our joy is in living our spirit and purpose, it is not in chasing after a job for money.

So, start on your inner journey!

Learn to love your spirit! and listen to it.

Fighting the WINTER – slump

The first thing that bites us is the cold winter mornings and days especially if the clouds are grey and there is no sun.

We automatically become grumpy, I suggest you take vitamin d3, or come for a massage to enthuse your body with infrared lights, the vitamin d you crave.

Winter its a love hate relationship.

I love it because its a different season. I love warm fires, hot baths, hot tumble dryed towels and warm food.

Food glorious food! Hot soups, hot indian curries, pizza with lots of chillie and cheese, hot baked breads. A few delicacies that I love. (Which I’ve reduced in my diet)

The hate part is – if you don’t exercise the flab on your tummy increases fast. Winter I have to really discipline myself to not give into the hot breads craving and sugary substances like chocolates.

I told my partner a few nights ago, I’ve gone soft and comfortable!

I dread to think of India where I was tough and forceful. I could bath with a bucket of cold water. Drive in traffic, tolerate noise and dirt.

It feels likes all of my toughness is gone. I’m one big pile of softy moosh.

I digress! Xxxx

Winter – how to avoid the slump!

Stick to your routine of exercise.

Be inventive in your diet.

Come for a massage/ reiki.

Detox with raw juices/ smoothies.

Drink green tea.

Try kombucha ! Its wonderful.

Dress like an eskimo if you have to.

Start a journal.

Find a new hobbie.

Keep your joy in tact.

Laugh.

Smile.

Wear colourful underwear for you.

Watch funny movies.

Be beautiful!

And remember to shave and be silky smooth even in winter.

Cuddle more.

Learn to love Winter.

I am slowly adjusting!

I admire the frost as I go for my walk, the little icicles on the frozen plants.

The sun rising and the mist lifting off the dam, its quite beautiful in the Midlands.

A little piece of heaven, the Midlands in Winter.

Raw Flaxseed Crackers : wheatfree! preservative free! gluten free! dairy free!

This was inspired by my raw vegan friend, perfected by Wp van Heerden.

Method and Ingredients:

1 and 1/2 cup flaxseed, 1 Tb spoon honey, 1/2 cup hot water. Add in any finely chopped sweet or salty dry ingredients. Dry in dehydrator or on low heat in oven for 4-5hrs, enjoy!

We used:
Cashews
Raisins
Coconut flakes
Dried peaches
Sesame seeds
Nuts
Sunflower seeds
Pumpkin seeds
Blend them in blender together, then combine with flaxseed.

It is delicious, and cleanses your colon!

Raw !

Organic !

No gluten !

Wheat free !

Lactose free !

Dairy free !

My Body Image : From a size 44 to a size 36. Time Period : 7 years

India (72)

Most of you know that I’ve been fat before, but seeing is sometimes believing.

I thought I would do this post saying I was a size 44 and now a size 34, but I am on this journey and my body doesn’t want a size 34, my legs are just to big.

I left for India in 2007 weighing a heavy 114kg, I have thus ventured to 85kg then 92kg, as I started doing weights to build muscle.

This doesn’t tell you how despite disliking my fat wobbles, I did and ate everything possible.

I loved, hugged, enjoyed every fat part of me.  I didn’t let it stop me from living and having fun.

I am smaller now, I am able to do massages for longer without tiring out. I wake up early to stretch and go walking, I do weights

when my body doesn’t ache. This is my routine for 7 days a week.

The fact is like any addict, its a slippery slope – the line is a thin one – I can easily slip into an undisciplined and unloving life.

I love my body as it is now! I feel good! I feel strong and I feel I can conquer anything.

I feel more me.

I too went through a “body” building phase in my life. I could do leg presses of over 100kg, and bench press of  50kg but I wasn’t a nice human being. I was arrogant, aggressive, mean, a wise ass and I disliked me even more.

I love myself now more than ever in my life! I feel content and good for having made it this far on my body image journey.

No! I don’t want a six pack.

I don’t want to be slinky thin either.

My reality is : I want to be FIT and Healthy in my Life!

Looks are pretty but they do fade, if you put to much toxins in you.

I’d prefer:

A sparkle in my eye.

A smile.

A wobbly body that’s real.

 

I don’t think of fat when I give or receive a massage.

All I can think of is giving and receiving Love.

Be kind to your body! Its the only one you have.

LOVE it.

Treasure it.

Live it.

Exercise it.

Have a good nutritional diet.

Just decide to love and be you!

 

Check out http://www.cosmopolitan.com : Body Image

Newly weds! what your mother won’t tell you …

surviving marriage

surviving marriage

I got married when I was 23years old, looking back now, I was to young.

I was naiive, young, gullable and easily manipulated. I don’t regret marrying, I do regret not fully knowing me.

The first two years of marriage is trying! I for one didn’t think I would make it.

The love from another human being is awesome! Its the little things like – leaving the toilet seat up, using all the toilet paper, eating all my goodies and not telling me that “grated my carrot”. The little things of manipulating me. The “over” taking of my life, soully to please another.

These are just a few things that come to mind!

I decided that someone out there, I can save you the time and effort and share my mistakes.

1. Don’t overgive – of your time or money- it will never be matched.

2. Bring 50% of love to the table, your partner brings his 50%- equally matched.

3. Share chores like dishes, cooking, laundry.

4. Finances – someone has to manage it especially if you have debt. One person to control it.

5. Don’t be his mother !

6. Don’t over-indulge him. If he drinks and in a drunken stupor knocks over a pole, the consequences are his. This includes a sprained ankle.

7. Don’t carry him emotionally.

8. Take holidays by yourself, they give you perspective.

9. Don’t loose you!

10. When you agree to have kids, ensure that his waking up at night also.

11. Just because his a good shag, don’t give him all your power like a puppy dog.

12. Be strong and always affirm you. Use your voice and speak out.

13. Keep a journal of your feelings.

14. Say No first – then let him convince you, if you want.

15. Communication is key to an intimate relationship, and good satisfying sex.

16. Teach him to massage your feet, your back. While you at it, includes being a good lover.

17. Affection is for free, kiss and hug at every given moment.

18. Allow him to look at the menu! But go eat at home.

19. Demands – say I want appreciation. I want a love letter.
Flowers. Don’t expect him to know when, he won’t!

20. Refrain from Judging, blaming, assuming, taking it personally.

21. Love with your heart.

Relationships are the most complex arena emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

Its the first two years of moulding, meshing and growing together that’s hard.

It isn’t easy.

Having clear boundaries of who and what you are! Are very important.

Self love means you tell him what you need and expect him to do the same.

Playing the “good” wife is a fairytale, we have far to much on our plates to be floormats.

So women learn to empower you and your relationship.

Live with no regrets.

Life is short.

Be yourself.

Enjoy the journey of marriage.

Living your soul, NOT a role

Over the last year, I’ve treated a lot of women. Women who have raised kids, who have buried parents, who have ventured down the road of divorce or separation or who have lost a partner.

Our old society of apartheid/ religion has conditioned woman into being submissive.

Submissive to her husbands wants, whims, demands.

They completely loose themselves in motherhood, wifehood and loose their joy and livelihood.

First off! S t o p ! Being a victim.

YOUR Ego, shadow loves misery, disappointment, chaos and unending drama. Stop the drama, and face yourself.

Second! Stand up for yourself. Speak up!

We are woman! We are strong.

Stop being a doormat.

You are abusing yourself by not loving yourself enough to have healthy boundaries of :

No- I don’t want that.

Or by not loving yourself or living your spirit.

Your husband is just as human as you! Knock down the shrine you’ve placed him on and get real.

Relationship is not a dictatorship.

Relationship is a Equal partnership.

I don’t really care what the “good” book says! Fact is a translated book into english looses its true essence! By the way, it was written by men to control woman and society.

Being free! Means you can love yourself.

Being able to live your spirit, doesn’t make you a bad person, its actually your right.

Also, love! Loving just one person all of your life – really? Love has many facets to it. Love to your pets, kids, best friends. How terrible stifling to be stuck in a old relationship of no growth.

Time to evolve woman!

Instill and Ignite Fun in your life.

Go find pleasure! Everyday.

Dance in the rain, naked.

Look at the stars.

Throw away the tv.

Redo your wardrobe.

Read a book called rawlicious or
Eat mangoes naked by Sark.

Google Sark and enjoy her humour of being a woman.

Point Is start living more of your spirit, everyday.

Repaint your bathroom pink.

Become involved in a happy relationship of joy with you!

Learn yoga.

Explore the realms of living a pleasure filled life:

Orgasms
Massages
Reiki
Books on karma sutra
Learn more

Create : Delicious deserts out there.

Your only box is the one you have placed yourself in!

So go happily mad!

Have a midlife crisis.

Take a sabbatical.

Hell! I’ve done it ! And I have loved every bad decision I have made because it made me feel alive, whole.

I can gladly advise this to all woman…

Stop! Living a role !

Go find your soul.

Your spirit.

Your light within.

Overmothering? How it F*&^%s with your relationships!

 

 

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I was overmothered by my grandma and it did me no good! I was molly coddled, a “woes” at best, a lame duck. I cried in meetings at work when I people criticised me and attacked my character. I cried at home on  my grandmothers shoulders, she assured me that everything would be ok, but it never was. I started growing “a pair of balls” only when I met my partner.

Overmothering ? ! I thought this is how all woman are : yes / no ? I thought this is how I should be in my marriage? What a big mistake.

I ran away to India in 2009, drained, frustrated and just a lack of vigor for life.

I was finished emotionally and physically. A doctor gave me 5 years to live, if I didn’t slow down and stop carrying “people and my partner emotionally”! I would die.

So I returned home. It was a process to tell my partner, I can no longer mother you! I’m putting you down, please be who you are, and learn your lessons from it. I will love you and support you in whatever you decide but I can no longer carry you as a mother.

I wanted joy in my life, I wanted to be loved for me, I wanted orgasms that made my eyes roll back in my head and I wanted fun in my life.

What I didn’t want is to have to overmother my partner.

Where does overmothering come from ? I feel  it is a lack of SELF LOVE to yourself”

Every Time you don’t say NO!

Every time you don’t discipline them!

Every time you say yes but mean NO!

Every time you self sacrifice yourself and your needs for theirs!

Please don’t misinterpret me! with parenthood or relationships there are always sacrifices, but be WISE!

Overmothering f&^%@s with you and your relationship – with everyone as a whole.

You loose a lot of years nurturing “overmothering” when in fact you need to SPEAK UP!

Express your needs and desires and refrain from giving your partner to much power, so you are the doormat.

I see lots  of woman in their 40’s and 50’s who have lost themselves in motherhood, womanhood and slavehood.

Firstly, men are not superior to us. The GOOD book which was translated by a male, says so but i don’t believe it!

We as woman give so much of ourselves to any relationship and loose ourselves in it – What kind of crap is this?

I have learnt, I am happy loving myself by voicing my needs and wants.

By not subduing and suppressing who I am!

Don’t let your partner dictate or abuse your will in any way.

You are spirit and should live out who you are …by :

Writing

Dancing

Creating

Painting

Gardening

Travelling

Being free

Doing all of these things ignites your spirit to being Happy and Joyous!

Not on Anti-depressants to suppress who you are!

S T A N D     U P ! stop being a victim, its the year 2014!

Woman can vote, take contraceptives, are free to have pleasure in our lives.

P l e a s u r e ? Oh my God? When last did you have an orgasm   or sex?

Woman its time to jump out of your box of unhappiness of overmothering, put your husband and kids and friends down!

Its time to be loving and happy with yourself and start making healthy boundaries of NO!

NO: I’M NOT COOKING!

NO: I’M going out!

NO: I have a date with me.

Go be an amazing woman!

Stop letting Life pass you by!

For the LOVE of LIFE! stop over mothering it is killing you, and your relationships!

 

Why I decided to DETOX for 3 days ? – just before Winter starts

Why I decided to DETOX for 3 days ? – just before Winter starts

I started detoxing on Saturday just as the cold started creeping into the Midlands.

Why? Well I’ve had a mucous cough and runny nose for ages and I have been over-indulging in all the forbidden food: pizza’s, donuts, samoosa’s and I have pigged out on crisp! my favourite being salt and vinegar.

Yes I know ! totally out of control! !

So, my partner in his wisdom suggested a 3 day detox.

NO wheat! NO diary! No Cheese! No preservatives! No msg! No lactose! No Gluten! No Curry!

You starting to get the picture. It leaves little room for anything really. It is bland food.

I had raw juices of beetroot, carrot, apple / watermelon a glass everyday.

We then combined them with soya milk, papaya, avo, banana, honey for a great smoothie for breakfast.

NO eating until 10am. I could snack on fruit, nuts and rice cakes with peanut butter, but no carbs.

At lunch time it was rice with vegetables with salt and pepper. Bland! I kept quiet and ate my food.

At dinner time it was soup : Kungfu panda soup or butternut soup.

Very simple soup no bread of cause.

During this time all I could think of is cream cakes, bread with cheese, warm pizza.

Well I came to the conclusion that bread / cheese are the most addictive substances!

Its cold at the moment so having no carbs is hard!

The benefits are starting to show! my pants started feeling looser and I am feeling lighter.

I drank loads of crystal infused water, rooibos tea and kombucha to detox.

Day 4 : Detox is over! I had 3 pieces of cheese and immediately sneezed. I had pizza for dinner and “wheezed’ all night long due to the gluten and lactose.

Short lived! pleasure…..

Being clean means you can really taste your food and enjoy it naturally! without addictives.

So its back to the detox for me…..a few more days of cleansing and feeling amazing.

Benefits for me is :

I feel lighter, healthier.

I feel joyful.

I feel good.

I feel I can do this at any time.

My skin is shiny and healthy looking.

I feel energized.

Try to detox slowly! you can always start over….

 

What is your purpose? art? calling? passion?

Finding your art or purpose is a journey. For me I’ve known for years that helping people was my passion, calling and purpose.

In my 20’s I did crazy things like community service in the most gang ridden place in Cape town, Mannenberg. I spoke to gangsters, investigated gang members. I sat in a prison cell and tried to understand it. I wanted to know why people choose crime over a good life.

My answer was lack of love, seeking a sense of belonging, a deep brokenness of a spirit.

Pain became their love! Pain was the associated emotion that they perceived as love.

I took addicts into my home when I knew nothing about healing or addiction, for me I just wanted to help. To ease the suffering, I felt as a empath.

Yeah! I was fearless but naiive.
Eventually I had to pay people to leave, buy them bus tickets so they could move on.

I soon realized that being a healer is a life long purpose and that there is no quick fix, no short cuts, no half measures to a lasting change.

Change comes from within!

On returning to South africa in August 2008, I realized I had changed. My true self as a healer was ignited but where to start.

I needed to gain knowledge about massages. I had completed my Reiki masters in 2007. I researched via google and found Healing hands, a in depth course of an International diploma for swedish, sport, aromatherapy, anatomy and physiology and neurolymphatic drainage all of which would take one year to complete.

I refused to waste another year of my life, I said 6 months but did it in 3 months.

I woke up at 4am, I went walking, I did stretching and studied until 12pm in the afternoon. The assignments were good, the practicals in depth and grilling.

With dedication, hard work and perserverance I completed my diploma, assignments, case studies and practical hours.

This I must tell you was no easy task. We lived in a house with family, with kids all over the place, we had no privacy and we were uncomfortable.

I received my diploma in the mail just before Christmas 2008. I informed my partner its time to go to Cape town and collect some of our sentimental possessions like our cat, sebastian.

But first we needed to rent a house. I said let’s go house hunting in Bethlehem the suburb we were in.

We drove down the road and found a house. I opened the door, I felt it as home. I went upstairs and I envisioned my studio set up, I said this is it, our space.

It was a small old stable with a upstairs and downstairs space. A studio for myself and for my partner to paint in.

I called the owner, paid the deposit and one months rent in advance, and took the keys.

I opened my practise in January 2009 in Bethlehem, Free state, the most conservative, christian, hostile territory I could.

So, what makes you happy?
What drives your spirit?
What is your calling?
What is your purpose In life?

First off – Get used to being uncomfortable.

Live in the moment.

Set your own rules.

Be truthful with yourself.

Make a vision board.

Study and gain knowledge.

Learn to attract what you want in life.

Discipline yourself to be tough.

Every amazing artist, creator, inventor, writer spends millions of hours Mastering an art or purpose!

You are no different.

So live a purposeful life and start living your passion.

Anything else is just wasted time!

Knickers in a Knot?

I’ve been checking in with myself daily to check my discipline and emotions, to avoid succumbing to drama.

My definition of drama:
Emotional outburst
Judging
Blaming
Assuming
Taking it personally
Any wired emotions triggered

I’ve been stepping into the unknown and expecting the higher good and opportunities that come my way.

Following my heart openly without reservation, listening to my intuition and walking this path of being spirit.

Let me be clear! It is far easier to give into your Shadow self and not see the good.

But the GOOD is there, it takes a trained heart to see and know it, using your wisdom.

Everyone I have treated in the last 4 months has had relationship issues.

This to me means there is an imbalance with self love, self nurturing and yin and yang and inner childhood issues.

Relationships are our training ground! Our partner will happily point out our faults and failures. Let’s be truthful nothing grows in criticism and negativity, nothing good anyway.

The key is Love! Understanding! Compassion and the same old favourite forgiveness.

Love
Forgive
Let go

Being in any relationship takes practise!

The values, morals, standards our grandparents had and our parents have aren’t the same moral compass which we can use today.

The challenges and pressures of life, are far to complex.

Like the financial pressures.
Traffic.
Malls.
Queues.
Diet.
Gmo modified foods.
Government depts.
Governing bodies.
Schools.

Stress has become part of life that we forget to see the nature, forget to connect with spirit, forget to nurture and take time out for ourselves.

Its time to realize that getting your knickers in a knot only steals your joy makes you succumb to ego, misery and depression.

I want to be happy everyday and that means I must keep being disciplined and own my emotions.

Basically own my reactions and actions – otherwise it can easily turn into chaos.

Take time to discipline yourself, cultivate:

Biting your tongue.
Harness your power.
Learn to meditate.
Wake up 2hrs early to pray.
Start morning yoga.
Do morning affirmations of love.
Say thank you.
Ask nicely – please
Refrain from gossip
Refrain from hearsay
Refrain from drinking excessively and going wild.

Cultivate being a good human being.

With one step to growing yourself into a healthier, more spirit filled you, you’ll live longer and be happier.

Enjoy the journey!

How to Q u i t – the job you hate?

Let me start at the beginning. I had a real job, I worked for Tracker Cape town, I was a regional administrator which meant you were responsible for everything.

I started comtemplating my life in April 2007, as I watched my granny’s coffin go down and realized my life was unlived.

I was conditioned to believe in a good job, buying on credit, a mortgage, a car. D e b t was normal!

However! I thought the price of my freedom was a huge sacrifice.
I hated my job.

I started with clearing all of my debt, meaning I closed my accounts with edgars and woolworths. I started paying more on my credit card so I killed some of the interest.

I paid more on my car payments so I could sell it and gain more.

Fact is I hated my job which included my boss.

See as an intuitive person, I know body language and lies very very well! The body and spirit never lies, people do

My plan was to quit my job in November 2007, and sell everything and go to India, see http://www.auroville.org

Everyday when my boss gave me shit, I thought of the day I would resign. I kept focused and didn’t waiver from my goal.

By September I was debt free! Freedom was looking oh so good to me. I wrote out my resignation and I made sure I had good references from colleagues and well established clients just in case, my boss would be a ass. ( Which he was )

I printed my resignation in October 2007, I handed it to him. He went pale, then quickly said you can never come back here! I said : I wouldn’t want to.

I gave him my demands:
1. I will work as a temp @ temp rates for the next month.
2. I will be paid overtime.
3. I will develop a manual for my replacement.

When I leave, that is it! I will not return.

My demands were met of cause, I made enough money in one month for two tickets to India.

In December 2007, we left our home with only two backpacks and no worldly possessions.

No car.
No home.
No debt.
No responsibilities.

F r e e d om!

There is great freedom in having nothing.

In leaping into the unknown to rediscover who you are and what you are made of.

So, clear your debt.

Close your credit card.

Learn to save.

Study a course that will give you a usable skill to be free of the salary slavery.

Discipline yourself.

Set your goal and stick to it.

The happiness and freedom I have is immeasurable and soul fulfilling.

So take the leap!

Quit the job! You hate.

My raw food experience – No comfort food

I had a brother from another mother visit this weekend. He is a raw vegan which means nothing cooked, no eggs, no honey, no meat, no chicken, no fish or anything processed.

Our first lunch together was a frozen pea salad. Peas with tumeric avocado, dates, and lemon juice. It was nice but my brain said blow it because the cold burnt so much and I did.

The supper was raw butternut soup. Well my brain associates soup with warmth and comfort, so I blew the cold soup also. I had one plate of it and said no thanks for the rest. I ate a banana sandwich afterwards with tea.

Eating raw food is expensive but very nutritional.

Having a raw food diet, you need discipline of steel, a dehydrater, a R10000 vitamax blender and loads of seeds, goji berries, trail mix and ideas.

What I discovered about me is that I love good comforting nurturing food.

I love someone cooking for me or cooking for myself!

Warm food is love.
Comfort food is love.

With this realization, is that I’m going to be a vegetarian still ….

I still enjoy two eggs a week, once a week fish, raw juices, smoothies, cooked curry and rice, warm soups and pizza and the odd doughnut or samoosa.

I’m not b.s. ‘Ing myself and saying yes we can go raw because frankly its to expensive. Eating R5000 worth of raw food a month is not my budget.

Also, socially you can never eat out.

I love fish and chips and I’m sorry, I can’t let it go.

So, I go deeper within, and it comes down to your own conscious living.

How am I making this planet better:

We recycle
Grow our own vegetables
We drive to town once a week reducing our carbon footprint.
I don’t eat meat or chicken.
I consume eggs and cheese and I enjoy it and I am thankful for it.

Your diet is much like a religion, it is all consuming.

It will either bring you closer to people or separate you.

I feel I’m weird enough for me!

My life purpose has been chosen for me, and this path and I’m happy with it.

Being raw vegan for me, would be a joyousless eating life. I admit I cannot do it. I cut out wheat, dairy, potatoes and eggs for 8 months, I was joy less and grumpy.
Eating became a mechanical process.

To live my spirit, I must have balance in my diet, exercise, work and live it with love and joy.

So, Colleen as a raw vegan?
Nope! Its not for me.

I love warm soups.
I love salads.
I love curry and rice.
I love pizza.
I love samoosas.
I love masala fish.
I love rooibos tea.
I love my spirit.
I love my body.
I love chocolate.
I love crisp.

In all of this I feel blessed in living, and speaking my truth of who I am.

So, find your balance, find your truth and passionate live by who you are!

“HOOKED” on risk! travel! adventure! creating…

I’ve been to India 3 times in my life. I’ve learnt to ride a motorbike in my 30’s.

Point is there is nothing like the feeling of a aeroplane taking off.

The risk of fitting into a culture, you weren’t born into.

Risk of making money when you don’t speak Tamil or Hindi.

Risk of being uncomfortable enough to grow. Stepping into another paradigm of yourself, reinventing you.

The fun of having dinner with someone different every night.
The experience of connecting with people who have lived, loved, risked, enjoyed and grew spiritually for it.

The fun of having a 4 handed massage by two gorgeous guys! I was dunked in massage oil and had my body totally relaxed beyond imagination.

These are all part of the adventure of travelling to India, its the people, the energy, the place called Auroville.

There is a huge energy pulsating all the time called the Matrimandir!
I call it my utopia. It manifests your reality quicker than you think.

Creates both the good, and the bad. It is not discerning of harm or dis-harm. Its a force of energy.

I meditated in it once and the sound of my own heart beat was so noisy.

On arrival – You are you handed a pair of new socks and you must be clean. It is completely white inside. It is circular with a huge crystal ball and 12 pillars surrounding it. It also has natural light shinning through it, from top to bottom. (I also stole the socks)

Life in Auroville is utopic. The people are happy mostly.

Its a struggling community,
However! Its been going for 40 years! Every year millions of people flock into Auroville, to join, to visit, to experience, to love, to have babies, to be.

Auroville is utopic, but I believe we all have our own utopia inside us.

We want unconditional love, we seek a easier more spiritual life. We seek like minded people. Community/ Tribe participation and love.

My challenge to you, is to try and create it where you are !

South african’s have more freedom than you know!

We have infrastructure.
Roads that get repaired.
Fuel which is cheap.
We have clean water.
Food which we can grow.

Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side, until you stand on it, smell it and know it was an illusion.

Every experience brings us closer to spirit!

Pain is the catalyst for a soul lesson, without it we do not grow, evolve, heal.

So! Embark on an adventure, risk, love, be spirit.

We are all walking our path!

There is no right or wrong.

It just is.

Happy adventuring!

Aloha!

Visit : http://www.auroville.org

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My first Kahuna massage for 2014!

I will be the first to admit that I neglect myself, in receiving good massages.

After studying at least 6 different types of massages, also being an empath, telepath, I’m super sensitive to vibration.

If the giver’s intention isn’t 100% love, and toxin free, I suffer sometimes from 3 days to 3 weeks.

It is difficult to not receive massages as I love them dearly but I have to be discerning. My partner is my Macgyver, if I need a repair session, he will gladly do the massage for me.

I’ve waited a year for my friend who does Kahuna, to visit! He is awesome at Kahuna massage and a raw vegan, a super fit person and super healthy.

I dreamt about this kahuna massage for months.

I was stroked, touched, igniting the healing in my own body. Releasing so much stress pains, random aches and pains and old emotions.

I was sneezing, drooling, having my nose run non stop but this was part of the healing process for me.
I surrendered !

I even cried, deep tears of awareness.

He massaged my feet, my hands and my entire body, when he arrived at my tummy, I just cried like a little girl.

Kahuna massage is the rolls royce of massage!

It has so many endless loving benefits of love, forgiveness and letting go.

Like most things it is best experience!

An awakening of your own inner journey of love.

I slept so well last night. My digestion is better. I am more focused, relaxed, like my inner fire is ignited and I feel awesome!

I can definitely recommend it to anyone!

Kahuna baby rocks my world!

To book yours, what’s app me:
Colleen +27846030604!

“Equal” partners in a Relationship!

I’ve always had a fantasy of having a knight in shinning armour sweep me off my feet, taking me to our castle home!

Well! That’s really not how my partnership started.

I met my partner in 1998. He was freshly divorced and hurting. His current lover was a cocaine addict. I knew intuitively it would end.

I blackmailed my boss into hiring him and he did.

I had a plan. I had asked God to send me Mr Right and I gave a whole list of requirements :
My partner must …..
Respect woman
Be a good lover
Be compassionate
Be helpful
Be loving
Be kind
Be funny
Be a good teacher
Supportive
Believer in God
Be a good cook

I asked for so many things. Looking back now, I was asking for a life changing experience!

I interviewed him as my partner for two hours and after that I knew he was the one.

My soul mate. My partner. Moulded for me. A wonderful fantasy!?

His ex wife had moulded him into a excellent cook, husband, father.

In our relationship, he dumped me 8 times.

He didn’t want a relationship but I was persistant being an aquarius and all.

On our 8th reconciliation, I decided it was time for an ultimatum.

I said: If I leave now, you will never see me again and well he then decided, we should get married, live together.

The ideas of a partner as a knight in shinning armour or having my own expectations of how things should be was and is completely false.

Our roles in our partnership are reversed. I’m the supporter/ financial provider, therapist while my partner is the home-maker, cook, helper, my healer.

My partner has taught me so many things, from business to life, to self love and nurturing.

He introduced me to reiki. He gave me my first massage ever.

He taught me to drive.

Gave me the self confidence to travel and do amazing things.

He too has a vision of what and who I should be and everyday I am growing closer to my true self, the Colleen he envisioned.

I’m learning that the evolving of myself is a rocky road, the old paradigm’s are leaving and a new unknown paradigm of love is ruling.

Our journey together of 16years has been filled with love, tears, pain, growth, heartache and adventure.

What we thought would separate us, brought us intimacy and love.

So, my thoughts on relationships.

Change is inevitable.
Accept thy issues.
Address a problem head on.
Forgive quickly.
Be willing to give your partner, the benefit of the doubt.
Listen with love.
Be truthful.
Never take advice from a “single or divorced or broken unstable or hurt” person, the complexity of a relationship – is complex.
Exercise a wise heart.
Hold your tongue.
Set your ego and painbody aside.
Respond with more love.
Be happy: only you know what makes your life happy.

No one can measure true love which cannot be explained!

It is only felt.

So, be happily ever after …….

Sacredness of Motherhood – Pregnancy

This has been a very fulfilling week for me. My heart and soul were overjoyed at meeting one of ladies who got pregnant after reiki. Meeting the little baby and having him hold my hand, was super magical, he knew me and I knew him. I reiki”d mom and baby and he totally sucked up the energy like a sponge.

Next another client popped in, who is now 8 weeks pregnant, it is such a blessing to experience such joy.

On Saturday I also worked on a lady who was 12weeks pregnant.
I did a destressing massage with reiki, and I could feel the babies heart beat, the spirit and the love and it was amazing.

It is simply magical to experience these wonderful sacred mothers.

Their aura’s are open, they are guided by a higher calling of spirit.

It is such an experience! I feel blessed.

Woman are so intuitive!

So, I see woman being called to be mothers, healers, guides.

I feel truly blessed and speechless to be a vessel in this journey of life.

Women – I am super impressed with their endurance, strength, perserverence, love and ever growing compassion.

Guiding a soul in life isn’t an easy task! But a loving purpose.

Blessings to all of these beautiful amazing spirits who have chosen these great woman to love them!

Xxxxx

Onthou wat jy lief het? Remember what you love?

I’m reading a book by Sonia Choquette, love yourself live your spirit.

I read a passage “Remember what you love” and it totally hit my heart.

In my life purpose forget to live.
I am in two worlds the physical and spiritual and when I’m in spirit, I forget about the normal mundane life activities.

Remember what you love?

I love the smell of massage oil being applied to the human body.
I love massaging and reiki ‘ing the human body.
I love feeling alive when I run or walk.
I love doing yoga before sunrise.
I love feeling the sun rise and connecting with the earthly spirits.
I love watching and hearing the
wind russle through the trees.
I love my partner.
I love home cooked meals with love. I love cake.
I love pizza.
I love picking vegetables from the garden.
I love kombucha.
I love sunny days.
I love the sound of the stream nearby.
I love the sound of the woodpecker bird.
I love picking fruit from the trees.
I love cooking.
I love writing.
I love creating.
I love living my spirit.
I love loving people.
I love having a good nights sleep.
I love a warm towel after a bath.
I love my pillow.
I love cuddling.
I love my cat.
I love being safe in my shire.
I love wood fires at night.
I love my body.

Affirming what you love, makes us live our spirit more.

Life is about living but also appreciating every moment of being.

Love your life! Live your spirit.

False sense of “security”

I was raised believing that you grow up, buy a house and this is your “ticket” to normality!
Everyone does it! You borrow money from the bank and spend all of your life in a unhappy job and in debt. This didn’t feel secure with me. I felt there must be a better way!

I journeyed to India to learn organic building with the Auroville Earth institute. We built a one bedroom home with volunteers in 72hrs. We worked our bottoms off. Afterwards, the house felt real, earthly, homely and debt-free.

A light went on in my spirit.

Debt is a way into the system, created by man. “The man” in a unhappy job, and enslaved in debt, paying what he doesn’t have yet, and spending it freely without conscious awareness.

I had a dream in 2008 on 7th August. I dreamt someone gave us land at a ridiculous amount to build a healing centre for the sick.
I dreamt people came from far and wide for healing. My vision board is filled with this, and now 6 years later, after many disappointments, I realize the dream was purpose ignited.

I realize that living a purpose filled life of healing, is all consuming.
My viewpoint of how healing and inner healing works has changed.
I see myself igniting the body, to heal itself.

In India I learnt how little one needs to survive, you need food, a bed to sleep on, and a toilet.
Survival. I shared a room by night, and a nursery by day. I learnt extreme tolerance and patience.

Yes, South africa is no India.
It is filled with cushy comforts like hot water, electricity, Pick and Pay, fuel at half the price, access to good facilities, good clothing. Everyone speaks english.

Spirituality is big in India, prayer – “pooja” in the morning by every single person makes waking up, an experience. People pray. They go to temple and families connect.

I visited a home in Pondicherry, it was 100 years old and I could feel the ancestors spirits present. I entered their prayer room with reverence and gratitude, it was an amazing experience, to see such heritage passed down from generation to generation with love.

For me security lies in my heart, knowing I am safe, knowing that whatever choice I make, it will be based on what I need for now.

If it is hard, then its the soul lesson I need for now.

Find your safety within you …

You are the treasure!

KICK in your gratitude

I ventured to the mall where noise, people, traffic, and zombie’s walk. After a while I become sad, but then….

My gratitude kicked in and I decided to be thankful for what I have:

Living in silence
Connecting with nature
To have been abundantly blessed with c h o c o l a t e s this week

To have an awesome partner who rocks my world.

To be able to be physically active.

To laugh a lot.

To have silly moments.

To meet with old friends and new.

To eat vegetables from our garden.

To have fuzz therapy from the cat.

To be able to write and be creative.

To laugh at violent movies.

To enjoy the sunshine.

To have a open and clear heart.

To enjoy the delicious curries and taste out there.

To do what I love! Love what I do.

Appreciation comes from the spirit! So I decided to be happy for the joys in my life….

It certainly changes your vibes!

Give it a try….

He’s had an “affair” ?

He’s had an affair! I’ve heard this a few times in my life. The woman are shattered! Heartbroken! Closed off! Hurt!
Turned to bitterness and taking it personally!

BUT ……

This is my theory:
Firstly, don’t be naïve.
Secondly, why didn’t you listen to your gut feeling.
Thirdly, things change when your partner has an affair or busy cheating on you.

- he kisses differently
– he dresses up more lavishly for sexual appeal
– he makes love to you differently
– he smells differently
– he works late more

These tell tale signs including your gut feeling is what you should pay attention to.

Also, don’t neglect your man! Women and Men enjoy a good sexual relationship.

If you want to be a “klooster” cook and have sex once a year, don’t get married.

Let’s face it both sexes have needs.
We want love, intimacy, magic!
We want to feel our knees buckle when we kiss.
We want mind blowing orgasm’s that rock our hearts and bodies.

Truth be told, we also want to feel special and “wanted”.

See we human beings want everything! The icing, the cake and the cherry!

And if your partner isn’t keen well, a need is a need – someone who pays attention to you, stirring your kundalini with flirting – and attention is bound to get layed, if you not getting it at home!

Woman do take affairs, Personally!
Firstly, it isn’t you.
Secondly, he was horny.
Thirdly, if you love him, take the time to heal yourself and forgive him.

Woman are blessed and cursed with unconditional love:
No matter what we will love our partners forever! In good or bad.
We undertook a vow which we live by our hearts and we love them.

Woman please take the time to heal your heart if this does happen, try reiki and massage and get your fire back.

We hurt but we heal.
We learn powerful lessons in hurt.
We are also healers born with intuitive gifts.

Stand up! Become the powerful woman you truly are.

Don’t be a victim! Men aren’t aware of themselves, they’ve lost their connection to the female side. I feel its easier to be macho and aggressive, than to nurture your own female self, especially guys.

So, take a step back and realize that an affair is just like any other mistake or misguided words, it isn’t personal and in no way reflects on you as a “bad” person.

Bad things happen!

It is refocusing on the good which is growing and healing you with self love, that makes the pain worthwhile.

Heads up! Time to become an empowered woman of forgiveness and love.

Misery? Ego? Lack of finances?

The old saying of misery loves company, this holds true for many. The ego loves to complain, bitch, moan. It also loves to get into the pain and attract more pain.

If your body is a beacon of light and your beams are sending out the message in thought, words, visualizing, a lack of money, guess what? That is exactly what you will attract.

If you believe that all is well with your life, every need of finances for food, rent, fuel and life is fulfilled by the infinite abundant universe then it is so.

I believe and meditate on abundance daily.

I discipline myself to not complain, but to affirm, life is good.

The goodness we experience is in the rising of the sun. The rain that falls. The vegetables I pick in the garden. The sound of the eagles near by. The watching of butterflies. The buck footprints I see. The flowing of water into the dam.

These magical experiences of life are part of the unique abundance I experience daily which is not fulfilled by money.

I feel grateful to be living this amazing life of abundance.

I feel no fear, I feel supported.

Being grateful opens my heart to this amazing life of magic.

Abundance thus flows from my heart with love into everything I do.

It is where we create, live our spirit and enjoy being at peace with the Universe and our Creator.

So, a change of thought, can change your Universe.

Decide to affirm the good in your life, it will attract more of it!

Happy Creating!

Saved! Baptised! my mission to Quelimane, Mozambique

I became a born again Christian when I was 22 years old in 1998. I was baptised and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.

I became involved in missionaries, based in Quelimane, Mozambique. I was drawn to the pictures of the people and believed somehow I could help. I donated my computer to the mission and my time. I was to install the computer in a home and arrange internet for them.

The trip would take 10 days in total. I would leave my husband in Cape town and travel by car to an air strip in Bloemfontein, and fly to Nelspruit. In Nelspruit we would fly to Quelimane.

It sounded simple! Day 1 – our car blew a tyre and we almost hit on coming traffic, death scare no 1.
We were safe, my heart leapt out of my chest.

Day 2 : our weight was to heavy for the plane so we had to pay extra as per the pilot.

On landing in Quelimane, the runaway has a huge plane on the side of it, burnt out. Apparently, locals loaded it with chickens and concrete and tried to fly away with it, it didn’t work.

We landed, myself, the Pastor Marcel and the evangelist Johnny.

At this stage of my life, I was fat, it was hot and I was uncomfortable. I was taking anti-malaria pills which made me fatigued and irritated. My skin was starting to make white dots on it, my system hated these medicines.

We were to live with Annemarie in her one bedroom flat. She was the official missionary there, spreading the word of God. I could tell she didn’t like me and I didn’t like her either.

We were shown where to sleep. My sleeping space was the floor. I was horrified but didn’t show it. I just took it as it came.

We showered in cold water. We ate fruit mostly and fresh produce, which was one meal a day.

The road’s were full of potholes.
The place was desolated, destroyed due to civil war. Ironically, the war never reached Quelimane but the people were affected consciously.

The cinema was transformed into a home, people removed the seats and moved in and hung their laundry in it, as if just another day.

The market was a buzz with people, fresh veg, fruit, fish and thieves.

The atmosphere was “hopeless”, it felt like people quit on life.

We went to a nearby village on a huge truck called a “shabasang” filled with people, chickens and produce. The smell and heat was very uncomfortable. My grandma would say, don’t they have soap and water at home.

We attended a church gathering where we were invited to the Pastors house.

The church service itself was intense, the Pastor was performing exorcisms’s to everyone that needed healing. One lady’s eyes rolled back in her head, her body shook and she was carried away.
Apparently, witchcraft was normal in this area, so these services were so needed.

The pastors house was a hut, made of earth and straw. They offered us their chairs, and I opted for the floor with a strawmat. They fed us rice and prawns, the guest eat first and if their is food over the household will eat. They were a poor couple, with two kids and another on the way.

We sat in darkness and ate peacefully. These people were humble and loving.

We left in our landrover, with a huge bunch of bananas and a live chicken. (To be slaughtered later)

The next day we visited a nearby island, we took a ferry across.
When we arrived, we had to cycle for at least 20minutes before we reached the Pastor. We visited and viewed sites for a church. We were urgently notified that we should leave soon to reach the ferry. My cyclist was unable to lift me, so I pedalled while lifting him on the bicycle.

Needless to say, that day was exhausting. A combination of the heat, me being overweight and unfit, lack of food took its toll.
When we arrived back home, I crashed.

In this journey I just kept focus, it took me 7 days to finally get the internet working.

My lesson on this trip was to learn endurance. Endure the mosquitos. Endure the malaria meds. Endure being oogled everywhere I went. Endure sleeping on the floor. Endure being big and disliked.

I literally kissed the floor when I arrived back home, appreciative of my husband. Appreciating electricity, hot water, food.

Realizing living in South africa is a blessing despite its obstacles.

Journeying on …..

Colleen

Evolving into an “amazing” you!

I’ve been seeing so many pictures of people loosing weight on facebook, wonderful! Six packs! Girls flaunting their boobs! And the like.

This got me thinking. What is it that makes me wake up in the morning and be amazing.

It isn’t a six pack, I can tell you.
It isn’t looking good for a picture.
It isn’t picture perfect at all.

What makes me be amazing is being active, physical and pushed to my own limits.

Yesterday, (now last week) I offloaded a bakkie of wood with an old zulu man, we worked together, no colour, no creed in question, it is human to be helpful and kind. We even laughed together, him not speaking english and me not speaking zulu.

My husband and I packed the wood in the storeroom together, and it was a wonderful togetherness, team effort experience.

I was physically pumped! It reminded me of making bricks in Auroville for project Realization.
We literally built a one bedroom and a bathroom in 72hrs with volunteers. How amazing!
This in itself is mind blowing!

It reminds me of my first canoe adventure when I was 21, I decided to go canoeing on the Orange river in Namibia, alone with strangers. I arranged a lift to and from the destination. Our canoe sank on day 3, I almost drowned and slept with a scorpion under my pillow. But I lived to tell the tale.

I tried rock-climbing in the Higgovale quarry Cape town, and on my 3rd attempt, I was exhausted, I let go of the abseiling rope and fell down two stories. Luckily, I was very fit so I aimed to hit the ground on my back which was muscly and able to handle the impact. I was stiff for two weeks but I repaired and lived to tell the tale.

I recently went to Pick and pay with a friend, in an old bakkie, little did I know that I would have to push the bakkie to get it started again.

I was able to.

You see learning to be amazing takes courage, bravery, strength, vision and a creative mind!

Every impulse in you wants to complain, don’t.
Everything in you says NO! You can’t, I know you can.

Limitations of the mind is just that! Limitations set by others defining you! Totally boring.

Let’s all try and do something amazing today.

Like giving a stranger money.

Giving someone a flower.

Somewhere in their Universe, your the amazing spark!

Twinkle away!

Share your joy!

Don’t be robbed by living because you have obstacles.

Turn lemons into lemonade.
Shit splats into a pie.

Be more you! Live today fully!

All my love

Colleen

Letting go of my Grandma

Its been a few years now, since I hugged my granny in this physical world.

I met her when she was in her late 30’s. She was a fiesty outspoken, fiery tongued woman, she was selfless in all of her ways. She gave birth to 12 kids but only 8 survived. Can you imagine that? – 8 kids.

She was strong! all my fondest memories was of her being strong, tough, a big hearted woman, always being their for her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. She was this magical woman, one of my guru’s for sure.

She instilled hard work in me, cleanliness is next to Godliness she’d say! She made a mother of me, in a good sense.

She also inspired me to keep going, to believe in myself, and to love me.

I loved her more than words can say! When she died, I was angry as I wanted her to live forever, for me. She was my best friend, I could call her and ask advise on anything.

She had wiped my tears, made me laugh so much, she made me angry, made me fight with her.

She made me who I am, a woman.

She also spoilt me rotten!

She would have my meals ready for me when I got home. She would do my laundry and I would only have to pack it away. She would pack me gourmet lunches. She fed me well! Every delicious dish, you can imagine.

She was my super human grandmother.

She could magically make awesome dishes from scratch.

I miss her everyday but I feel she lives in my heart always.

I guess if I could have one last day with her to rub her feet, and her back and hear the sound of her laughter, see her smile, have her hold me, I would.

Just one day, would be nice!

Love you granny!

Miss you everyday!

Colleen

How to heal the “pain” and “hurt” within ….

I’m been doing some soul searching within, cleaning out the old stuff that hinders my own personal growth.

Being a victim is one of the issues! I was raised to be a victim. You ask how can that be, well, I was bullied by my older sister, because she bullied someone else, I inturn bullied my little sister. I was small in size but smart, clever, wise. I could remember numbers, and calculate things fast.
I was taught to not fight back but to accept things as they are, feeling hopeless and depressed for most of my life.

What reiki taught me is being balanced is also loving yourself, standing and speaking up for yourself in an authorative manner and with self respect is healthy.

Victimhood isn’t life affirming, it is destroying.

How to heal the filters of hurt, pain within? Here is my path so far…

I’ve been reiki’ing myself a lot, finding that the release of old emotions during the different stages of my life from birth to teens to present is helping the healing process.

I also do a meditation of healing my inner child from birth to present day, filling every aspect of me with love to become whole.

I’m feeling the filters of hurt lifting so my overall view of life is changing, like a shift in paradigm.

I’m understanding my spirit better by loving myself more, knowing I am on a self healing journey.

Like Sark says : “you are your own healer”, sometimes you do need help and sometimes you can do it alone.

I’ve also started a daily self massage session of checking in with myself to release the old aches and I start the day feeling pampered and loved by me.

A combination of reiki, silence, meditation, massage definitely heals me within.

Embarking on a journey to heal, isn’t easy but the reward is a more complete you which is certainly worth it.

So, decide to heal, it changes everything!

All my love

Colleen

The ” woman ” within …

The woman within? This is a complicated one for me. I’m a part healer, part warrior, part friend, part confidant, part writer, part mother, part nurturer, part daughter, part gardner, part lover.

So many roles I play as a woman and everyday the demands of being a woman changes.

I feel everything has speeded up.

Time isn’t what it used to be.

Everything in the shops are on the increase, consumerism peaking.
Some are forgetting the little things that are important.

However, I’m meeting more and more wild woman who are finding their feet, who are refusing to be doormats or to be mistreated in anyway.

I’m meeting courageous woman who are answering to the call of being a healer, who are choosing to listen to their gut feelings of intuitive guidance.

Woman are asserting their boundaries, if its not for us, we’ll say no.

We are truly learning to love ourselves, we are growing and changing this world of harshness to a lighter free’r life of being.

We are calling the shots but not in an inhuman way but we are becoming the fiery woman of wisdom, love, care, kindness and healing.

We are definitely being put through the FIRE of life! Everything is being tested!

Our patience
Our hurts
Our pains
Our endurance
Our old stuff

All of it is coming to the surface and being shook up!

I feel stirred on most days!

Then I realize its ok! Its ok to be uncomfortable, I just need to embrace the pain, let it go, and learn what my body is telling me.

Have courage that tomorrow, the filter will be lifted, the hurt will be gone and the love will return.

Love and appreciation of living, being, creating and enjoying.

We definitely weren’t made to stuff out the joy and happiness in life, that’s ego for sure!

Every woman I know is going through something! Even me, I’m 38, oh God! How’d I get here, I wonder. I’m finding grey hair and not freaking out any more.

I realize we all walking the path to our true self which is sometimes like walking on fiery hot coals of life.

We will endure.

Be strong.

Be restored to sanity soon enough.

All my love to the lovely woman out there! and the men who live with us.

Colleen

Sensual vs Sexual massages

Yesterday, I received a query on sensual vs sexual massages :

Quoted From client:
Okay but sensual means touching of the private parts? But touching in a healing gentle sensual way

From me:
No my dear.
Kahuna is a loving massage practised as a healer, the private parts are covered, I massage the whole body with loving strokes while chanting ancient hawaiian healing traditions. It is releasing stress and instilling love.
Please visit http://www.massage.co.za, search for Tantra in Durban.

I felt I needed to explain sensual is loving, gentle, kind, igniting the senses to love, forgive, release and become whole within oneself.

Sexual is private parts being touched, aroused, stimulated to full completion of orgasm.

There are different modalities practised by different people.

Tantric massage sometimes involves orgasms, this person is trained to also be a healer, offer healing in this modality.

I practise kahuna massage as it is sensual not sexual.

Having boundaries to say no is important for yourself and others.

I feel that society has subscribed to instant. Instant gratification.
Instant – I want you must!

Come on, this means your totally unaware of life and feeding your 5 senses only.

We are spirit and what you seek as an orgasm isn’t the intimacy you long for.

The energetic connection to a person that you orgasm with is 3 days. The energy of the release – means energy is passed from them to you and vice versa ! So shared orgasms means shared emotions, issues, connection, thoughts.

This from a complete stranger,
who you don’t know, and aren’t aware of his character?

Sensual isn’t sexual it doesn’t mean happy endings however ….

A hug, a kiss, a massage can be sensual when loving.

The same thing can be sexual, what differs is your Intention to arouse another person.

I believe its safer to have intimate moments with your partner, the risk, energetically, physically, and sexually is great.

To take it lightly isn’t an option.

Consciously be aware of your energy, and what you are doing and spiritually also.

Take care of your body, its your only temple, so keep it safe, clean and self preserved.

All my love

Colleen

Money? we all want it, need it? whats your relationship with money?

My relationship with money was a rocky road, while I was growing up. As a kid, I did chores for R1 a week, which meant so much to me, and once I had it, the joy of it was short lived. The value of working for it all week, and then finally holding it in my hand, didn’t quite measure up. I daydreamed about that moment, yet it just didn’t quite fulfill me.

Money was an issue in our family- the have’s and the have nots were frowned upon.

I learnt that being poor is a lower vibration, a lack of conscious awareness.

I’ve always known how to make money, for this I am thankful for and that I had the discipline to follow it.

I made my corporate company millions by using efficiency, ruthlessness and discipline.
I had a happy boss, but worked with disgruntled colleagues, as I made them work harder.

You ask how can you befriend money, attract it, save it and become financially free!

Abundance and money are linked!

Creating abundance in my life has been my mission. I created a vision board in 2008 and 2012, all of it came true, I focused energy which put the wheels in motion.

Every time I earn money I give 10% of it away, I give of my time, I do free therapy sessions once a week, the point is to give freely, without expectation.

Giving with an open heart, it is their where your life force resides to create.

I meditate on my abundance in life, everyday, I scoop energy from the universe and place it into the financial needs I have. I visualize these needs being met and fulfilled.

I pray in the evenings and I give thanks for the day and send energy to the next day with Reiki.

I reiki all the plants, our car, our food for the highest good in my life.

I send energy to people in need, all over the world. Everyone needs someone, at some time.

On my walk in the morning, I chant and call forth abundance in my life, talking to earth spirit, water and sky.

I check in with my Higher self, angels, guides, runners and Ancestors for higher wisdom to walk my path.

I walk a path of truth, to live it and speak it, to live in two worlds the physical and the spiritual, being aware that this life is temporary, and that I’m accountable for my life purpose as a healer.

Money is just a flowing of energy, a fulfillment of a need, for shelter, for sustenance, for mobility, for warmth.

Having a connection to Spirit, assist in a flowing of abundance.

Start your journey, explore your relationship with money.

Explore your heart, where love lives, and energetically change your life.

All my love

Colleen

Perfectionism – cure or curse

I lived in a home striving for perfectionism. My grandfather wanted things perfectly, and my grandmother strived to please him.

To me, he had a deep case of correctinitist.

Correctinitist – the ability to keep correcting someone and gaining pleasure from it.(My own word and definition)

I’m a product of this upbringing the fiery boiling German blood flooding through my veins sometimes drives me mad.

I’m a perfectionist, I have space for human error, but not for human stupidity.

Space for learning and growth but no space for being stupidly human. I’m guessing that its also my corporate experience.

Stupidity usually cost people their lives where I used to work. Ie. Buying cheap bullet proof vests ensures you get killed when you get shot, so it is wiser to buy the most expensive plates and keep you safe. It actually saved a persons life.

Perfectionism cure or curse: I think its a combination of both. Cure : taking action to rectify the wrongs we see in life, in my case, usually the human body, where I’m the vessel for massage or reiki.

Curse : I see the imbalances all the time even when I’m not in my studio, I see the lack of discipline, bad choices playing itself out and well just letting go and let it happen. Realizing there is a cosmic balance of karma / dharma taking place and that I must just let it be.

I experience both the happiness of a body when balanced and the sadness of imbalance.

I face disappointment when I know that deep down into the core of the spirit, if someone is driven by money, pain, drama – change is difficult, only with deep love – is their hope.

Our bodies are so unique, our upbringing, pain experienced, lifes happiness, our relationships, bonds, love experiences all hold an emotion, and unraveling the pieces is like an onion, it takes years to get to the core of our being where the Light resides, but LOVE ignites the process of healing.

I’ve seen the love do magic, not only in my life but in others.

Touch heals where no words can be spoken.

Reiki heals were scars, damage and brokenness reside.

Walking any path in life is difficult but being spiritual and keeping a spiritual path does make it livable.

In today’s society where obsessive compulsive disorder is normal, where overworking is normal, where soul sacrificing yourself to perfectionism is “normal”, one has to learn the art of living.

Art of resting.
Art of not taking life to seriously.
Art of being.

Joys of picking your own vegetables.
Joys of weeding your garden.
Fuzz therapy with your cat.
Bliss of silence of hearing your own thoughts.
Creating magical dishes in the kitchen.

Cultivating a creative life, so the perfectionist in you, doesn’t drain the joy of living..

So, admit your madness, then silently balance it with living you.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4212069/ – a post on perfectionism.

All my love

Colleen

12 Things You Need to Remind Yourself of When You Wake Up.

midlandshouseofhealing:

Wake UP!!!!! Take Note People : Life is for the Living..

Originally posted on someone somewhere:

We may not always love everything about our lives, but deep down we do love and appreciate the magic of life itself.  Some part of us believes that everything and anything is possible.

Sadly, though, we don’t always believe these possibilities are within our reach, even when they are.  The problem is we choose to believe otherwise.  We choose to believe we are incapable of living our lives the way we want to live them, at our full potential.  We choose to accept our reality as others have told us it has to be.

12 Things You Need to Remind Yourself of When You Wake Up

Wake up!

We don’t have to do this to ourselves – none of us do.  We have a choice.  We don’t have to be complacent.  We don’t have to fall into line.  Why not stir things up a bit and live by better rules?

It’s time to remind yourself of a few key truths – right…

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