Comparing Your Body?

As we Think of our bodies

Over the past few years, I learnt body acceptance from my partner and by receiving massages

and working on my Inner child.

When you realize that I was really fat and received disdainful gazes, comments and jokes

you begin to realize that

loving yourself is an Inside Job!

Don’t cut off the parts that hurt.

Don’t cut off the imperfect parts.

Love yourself.

Accept yourself.

Be yourself.

The Deeper the pain, the more LOVE is needed.

All my Love.


My body, my rules

Body image 5




Well as you can see I am on a Mission! My mission is to be real! Authentic!

This is what my body looks like! I am tired of the promotion of perfection.

We have imperfect bodies : they have scars, stretch marks, they have given

birth to babies and here we are! still standing.

Body Image in society is all important, you have to wear the high heels that hurt and

disfigure your feet. You have to fast and starve to fit into the black dress!

I never did fit into the black dress.  I did wear heels in my teens but

they hurt my feet, so I opted to fall inlove with takkies.

I love my feet so I wear takkies and comfortable shoes.

I love jeans so I have many of them, as they make my legs look amazing.

I love good fitting undies so I make sure I have plenty of them. (yes, boob sweat is super real)

I love eating, it is the one thing that I enjoy. Tastes, flavour, adventure of how it was

created, I can feel the LOVE! (especially my hubbies cooking)

I love long walks with myself.

I love living. I love my neighbour, she makes the most amazing food and desserts for me. (how can I refuse?)

 I love  helping my partner in the garden, I love eating raw peas out of the pod! yummee ness.

I know I am imperfect but for me : I am perfect.

I love that I don’t conform.

I love that I am rebellious.

I love that You cannot put me into a box!

I love that I have a old spirit and it has guided me all of my life.

So, Affirm what you love ?

Affirm, Your magic?

Affirm, who you are?

Affirm, what you stand for?

Affirm, your goodstuff?

You are beautiful just as you are!

All my love.


Looks are meant to be deceiving….

Body image 2


I have been debating with myself about writing this blog  a l o t.  I have been thinking about how

my sense of my own body image came about. It started when I was about 5 years old.

I didn’t play outside, I played in the kitchen with my grandmother. I was her taste tester

for vetkoek, new cooking ideas, pumpkin fritters.  If she created something new, I was

sitting right at the kitchen table to test it, taste it. I was allowed to do the dishes

which there were mountains of, but I enjoyed the experience of being with her

and experiencing every taste possible.

So I grew to be a little telly tubby. I was short with green eyes and  curly unruly hair and a tongue that

cut through all the bullshit. You can see, I was the ugly duckling.

My mother did battle with my hair everyday, she wanted it flat and well

curls just don’t want to be tamed.

She dressed my sister and I in the same outfit, my sister looked thin.

I naturally looked plump.

People easily judged me because I was plump, fat, obese, out of shape and the list goes on.

So, I adapted to people judging me on the scene! guess what?

They still do.

I don’t  mind anymore because I LOVE ME!

I wake up every morning to do yoga, pray, meditate and go walking.

I feel strong. I feel I can do anything I choose to do.

I feel that my tummy isn’t just the ONE part of me.

I am who I am.  I am happy.

The people who instantly judge, don’t matter.

You matter. 

SO, I keep listening to my Inner Voice and I keep loving me.

All my love.


Your Fate Lies Within you!



Yes! I watched the movie “Brave” and I loved it.  Your Fate lies within you.

I see many people who are dreadfully unhappy in a dead end job, and a loaded mortgage.

They work to pay off the mortgage but forget to live, YES! it seems to be the right thing to do

but happiness, true happiness is important!.

You need a plan!

1. Decide what makes you happy? What will make you jump out of bed at 5am in the

morning and be willing to do what you love. (For me, its definitely facilitating healing in the human body)

2. Start reducing your debt! Sell the car. Sell the house. Start to live SIMPLER. Cut up the Credit card.

3. Start doing INTRO spection of your SPIRIT and SOUL. Get to know who you are.

4. Do a Inner cleanse of Old Emotions! Write them down, burn the page releasing anger, bitterness,

sorrow! Then forgive, bless all involved including you  and choose to move on.

5. Do an OUTER cleanse : Give away what you no longer need. Old clothes, Furniture, junk.

6. Start doing YOGA and  go for a morning walk everyday.

7. Raise your vibration : Eat clean food like vegetables and fruit. Reduce your cigarettes, alcohol. Explore

juicing and smoothies. Find out about raw food, salads, superfoods.

8. Create a VISIONBOARD of moving forward. Collect pictures from magazines.

9. Save, Save, Save $$$$.

10. Invest in you. If you need to study: Do so.

If you need to learn a skill, look for volunteering opportunities or internships.

11. Start gathering what you need to function as a business owner. For example,

if you want to be a massage therapist, buy a 2nd hand massage bed. Collect towels, essential oils.

12. Knowledge is power: Read up, Research, Learn all you can about what field you intend to

enter. GOOGLE! go to the Library. Start exploring what you love.

13. Start a spiritual practise like meditation to open your Intuitive gifts.

14. Listen to your heart only. If someone gives you advice :

Ask – where have you been?What have you done?

Where are you going?

Being fulfilled creates happiness within.

A happy body has no disease.

A happy person who fulfills their purpose is supported by the Universe.

You can email me : for a cleansing massage or

Reiki session.

The Time to start is NOW!


My Simple Pleasures

After my detox, I have found myself to be more expressive of my truths and feelings.
The simplicity of my life and the choices I make everyday to keep it that way.
So, here are some of the questions I receive:
Will you go camping? No, because I love my bed and pillow and my home.
Will you go to a trance party? No, tried 2 and I didn’t enjoy it. I love being at home and enjoying my space of silence and just being.
So do you drink alcohol? Dope? Nope, I believe in being sober and clean. What I do to my body affects my mind, body and spirit, so clean is good for me thanks.
Appreciating my life more and more each day being filled with Gratitude for all that is, is my happiness.
For living in nature and enjoying the silence.
For being content with the simple stuff.
I will definitely try something once, but if it wasn’t fun, the chances are slim that I’ll do it again.
I enjoy reading and learning about different healing techniques.
I enjoy mixing oils and experimenting with new massage techniques.
I enjoy walking in nature, alone.
I enjoy being in my own space and company so much.
My life is happy, joyous and full. I wake up at dawn and do yoga, I walk in meditation and
Use the time to focus my energy and body for healing.
I enjoy being with my partner and we welcome anyone for tea and a good laugh.
I go to bed early, by 8pm, I need my pillow and off to bed I go.

The Simple Pleasures of just living is what makes me happy!

What makes you happy! Well go do it….

3 day detox : my challenges





I started a detox program for myself and a friend to rid my body of toxins both physically

and emotionally.

Day 1 : We drank raw green juices: Celery and apple at 7am. A smoothie of papaya/banana with berry juice.

At 10am we had one bowl of rice with fried radishes/onion to clean out our bodies.

Radishes are a lovely detoxer of mucus. My  nose instantly became runny and I sneezed alot.

In between: We had rooibos tea with honey/lemon. Water. Kombucha a probiotic drink to cleanse our liver.

At about 12pm we had a small portion of nuts, the size of our palms of our hand.

At about 3pm, a apple, with some nuts.

At 5.30pm a green soup consisting of spinach / sweet potatoe from the garden blended and

cooked, two bowls for dinner.

This meant we fasted for +-12hrs until 7am the next morning.
It was hard, and very disciplining.

I spent time doing alot of introspection of my feelings :

1. Things I hold onto, unintentionally.

2. Old agreements : Discreating them and Changing my inner affirmation.

3. I was forgiving and releasing more.

4. I journalled alot to clean out all the old emotions and disappointments.

5. I was busy all the time but I never felt weak, I felt stronger for being more disciplined.

6. I grew healthier in my mind by letting go of the old wounds.

7. I grew to love myself more and just became more relaxed and accepting of alot feelings.

8. I grew to love Silence. To listen to my body and its inner voice more.

9. The no food – made me speak my truth more, no sugar coating or withholding anything.

10. I feel free : Lighter and more enthused to be myself by being disciplined in my diet.

It  is good to journey inwards to affirm who you are and what you stand for!

7years of Healing Reiki ..lessons so far

Face with crystal SML


I received my Reiki Masters Attunement on 13th September 2007, on that same day, I

became a vegetarian. It was not planned, I just couldn’t put a living piece of meat or

chicken into my mouth anymore. For the next 6 months, I couldn’t walk

down a isle with meat in it. I felt the animals last “thought” of fear, anxiety and

uncertainty of what the moment of death brought to them.

I learnt later on to just release and let the spirits move on.

I quit my corporate job in 2007, and journeyed to India to find

my true self: The Colleen on the Inside.

I have been practising Reiki for 7years and

what I have learnt is that I am the “vessel” for the

healing to take place, I just activate the LOVE that is already inside

of you. Your body has a Healing capacity of its own which is

ignited by LOVE.

I have found that people will lie easily.

It is far easier to be a victim, to choose suffering, to

feed excuses than to actually make a plan to

take full responsibility of your life.

The people who rave the loudest about coming back for Reiki

and how amazing it is, you might see them again in 5 years time.

People often practise more self abuse than self love.

People will freely give you advise on how to make money or grow bigger:

I look at ? where you have been? where are you going?what have you achieved? How is your life?

I have met many people offering me land to build a healing centre,

but they actually have no plan at all. Listen to your inner voice it will guide you.

Your focus as a “therapist” and your intention to assist others to heal is imperative.

A clean vessel : no meat, no alcohol, no toxins : A healthy body and healthy mind is key to be awesome at what you do.

Your needs as a person should be looked after. After India, I agreed with myself

I will live in a place with electricity, a good road access, hot water :

these are my  necessities, so I am taken care of.

A healthy delicious diet with balance is good for me,

so I stay healthy and happy.

Within myself I need to keep Reiki ing me and keeping my heart clean and light.

Everyday is a new day to keep walking my path….

Cultivating a happy day everyday because I love my life and

I love what I do so much.

Raise your Vibration!


Keeping your body healthy, as a receptive spirit ….

Living from your heart : Keep your heart clean = forgive freely.

Keeping body healthy = Exercise, drink water, do yoga, meditate.

Want a happy spirit = Bring forth joy, happiness, peace within yourself.

Do what you love = Love what You do!

Live your purpose = Fulfilled Dharma and supported by the Universe.



Dear Inadequate body



Dear Inadequate body!

I go to the mall and I see skinny mannequins, wow! they’ve never tasted chocolate.

I know the obsession to be crazy about your body is there.

To overexercise, to diet, diet, to cut out all the  joy of

living and eating, but dear body, this is not me.

I love to wake up at sunrise and go walking.

I love the feel of the sun on my skin.

I love the sounds of the birds chirping.

I love watching the wind in the forest.

I feel happy to be me.

Yes, I’m imperfect, I have curves but I love me.

Everyone is rushing after the perfect six pack,

the new diet.

Dear body, I loved walking on the promenade at the beach with you.

Feeling the sand between my toes.

I loved all of our adventures of cycling, kayaking, rock climbing,

hiking, climbing Table mountain, shoveling dirt in India.

Learning to drive a motorbike in India.

You and I body have lived. Wait! we still living.

Body, I accept you, you are certainly my best friend, and

beautiful and amazing.

I overwork you sometimes, but tonight I will sleep

and tomorrow, you’ll be renewed, forgiven me.

Thank you dear Inadequate body.

Thank you for helping me see, you’re perfect as you are.

Thank you for this amazing journey we have and keep having.

Thank you that I don’t have to wait for my six pack to be amazing,

I can just choose to beeeeee amazing.

Thank you.

Your Aura and Your Motivation



This is an aspect of your Aura! Every feeling, emotion, experience is filtered through your


You are a magnificent being of Light

sometimes DARKNESS comes

and you need to SHINE your Light

and face your Darkness.

Some methods which I use when I am faced with my darkness:

1. Read books by SARK or Sonia Choquette or Robin Sharma

they will kick start your inner light.

2. Movie that inspires  : WHAT the BLEEP do we Know?  learn about metaphysics.

3. Go for a WALK

4. Self Talk : Talk to Yourself.

5. Cry in the Shower.

6. Scream in a pillow, or just bend your knees and


7. Write down your feelings and express them, then burn the page:
forgive, bless, love and move on.

8. Your Shadow will try and involve others : with drama, Gossip.

OWN your Darkness and Handle it with Love.

9. Take a nap of 20 minutes everyday.

10. Start learning about something NEW, get those brain cells working.

11. Reduce your CYBER world Links: less Facebook, Less Twitter, Less

Whats app. Take back your Time.

Enjoy the New Revived you!

Motivate Your Mind, Body, Spirit




To motivate your body start with the basics : Drink Water and infuse it with fruit,

it will help you detox! and you’ll feel lighter.


Start Meditating for at least 5 minutes a day. Your mind is a Magical tool of imagination.

If you can imagine it, You can create it.




 Move your body! Stretch and do Breathing exercises everyday.

Kick Start you!

Imperfect Body welcome.

Life so far. . . .

Colleen AUG

Life so far. . .

The last two months has been busy. So let me start :

I had my greatest month as

a therapist ever! I did 51 treatments in 31 days for July 2014.

I was determined to compete with myself and grow me and

face my deepest fears of being successful both financially and materially.

Next, my partner got tick bite fever, which he has had before but this time

round the “crazy” fever and overcoming it was a little bit more intense!

Shoo~! so glad its over.

We created a vision board and two items has already come true on it!

How amazing!

I have been venturing out of my comfort zone :  to Durban, facing traffic, noise and loads of

people to learn to cope with being sensitive around people.

I take rescue remedy and carry pietersite, ulexir and obsidian on my

body so I don’t feel anyones vibration.

I enjoyed Durban so much! people were walking on the beach,

running, cycling. It was awesome. I spent 4hrs on the promenade

with Nicole and loved every minute. Thank you Nicole.

Next: I went to have dinner at my neighbours : Katie at Lemonwood cottages.

She made my partner and I  : A 3 course meal: cheese puffs,

fish pie and chocolate pudding. The evening of great laughter

and joy was amazing! Katie is awesome, amazing and

an inspiration to me. I so enjoyed having dinner next door…

thank you !!! Katie

Things I have realized is that most people’s life isn’t easy.

Here are a few of the things I have been pondering about …

I am blessed and I am living a abundantly life.

I live next to a forest.

I walk to “work”.

I love what I do and I get paid to do it.

I love being healthy : I love my raw juices, smoothies, pizza once a week / cake

once a week.

I love being healthy and drinking love infused water and kombucha.

I am a vegetarian and I love eating healthily.

I don’t do caffeine, coke, fizzy sugary drinks, no milk, no alcohol, no drugs.

I choose to live a healthy awake and aware life, and this makes everything amazing

and sacred.

Being a healer / Therapist isn’t for everyone but I love it!

I accept that I am fit and that I am OK! with not having a 6 pack,

but I have decided to be AMAZING despite my imperfections.

Good + Bad = Shades of Grey

Grey clouds

As a ex catholic/christian/jew/ religious freak, my view was good or bad, right or wrong.

I believed in absolutes! but that isn’t what I believe now…..

Years later, I am discovering all kinds of shades of grey in my life and with all other human beings.

I used to think that people who create weapons of mass destruction, ie. guns, landmines, nuclear weapons were bad people. Well subsequently, I have met two people who are passionate about making weapons, firing them and designing them. They have also saved many lives in their profession.

Hollywood has romanticised James Bond 007, who is a spy, who kills people, who is a weapon within himself.

There are actually people out there who are happy to be in war zones.  War =  Good Money! for some.

I have checked them out : they have Aura’s, they are born healers, and empathic, highly intuitive, clever human beings.

(the two: I have met, so far.)

I recently read Don Miguel Ruiz book, called the The four agreements:

refrain from judging, blaming, assuming and taking things personally.

I can honestly say, I could not have done healing on these humans if I judged them.

I looked at them with compassion and love like any other person. They needed love and healing.

As a adult I realise that people do jobs for money, it’s their survival instinct to want to exist.

Obviously, these types of jobs have their karma. So, why are we prejudice about it?

Is it much less a bad thing to bad mouth our spouse or back bite our neighbour with our words than to kill people for a living?

I feel each one is a path.

We choose it with our words.

Giving into victim hood, suffering, opening wounds of the past and living off anger :

All are Harmful to the Spirit!

So, I find the human body, mind, spirit fascinating.

I find that no matter what our job is, deep down..we can choose to be of exceptional character.

To live our truth.
To speak it.

To live our passion.
To be happy.

This is every human beings right.

To be authentic.

We are after all just human.

Finding our way to spirit.

Article to be published in the Domican Republic: Cancer and Reiki


Cancer : Alternative Methods.
The Emotional root source of Cancer is deep resentment, helplessness, hopelessness, self pity,
And Distrust.
I treated my first cancer patient in 2009. She was in her 50’s, a single mom and she ran her own business. At that stage of her cancer, she was in remission. Her kids were grown teenagers.
She recently lost her husband and she was a widow.
The cancer itself was in her pancreas.
Her first reiki session was a tearfilled one. I explained how the cancer was created. She told me about her husband, how you verbally abused her with words. He was mean to her body and her soul. She felt hopeless because she could not leave him, a deep resentment grew within, hence the creation of the cancer.
I explained how the Reiki works, how it heals the body on a physical, emotional, intellectual level. How the energy itself has a intelligence of its own.
I reiki’d all of her chakra’s : Crown, 3rd Eye, Throat, Heart, Solar plexus, Sacral, Base, Knees and Feet.
{Chakras are the energy wheels of the body}
Her body was completely relaxed and balanced. I explained : I would be doing psychic energetic surgery on her pancrease to remove any traces of cancer.
For the next 3 months we worked on igniting the healing within her body, with Reiki and massage.
She quit her stressful job.
She started creating a garden.
She started creating mosaic.
She even met someone, she was now cancer free, loved and happy. The cancer association was going to do research on her being a cancer survivor with reiki. I was very excited, her will to heal and willingness to do the inner conscious work healed her.
How can you prevent cancer from growing in your body?
Take 20 min of Rest everyday : Nap Time.
Take care of yourself with exercise everyday.
Ensure your diet is high in fruit and vegetables, with limited animal products.
Feed your spirit everyday with creating, playing, doing what you love.
Try something new.
Read inspiring books to keep you motivated.
Try to live a happy and stress free life.
Choose to be happy everyday.
Choose to Forgive and Bless by Letting go everyday.
Love your body.
Let go of any negativity that hinders you.
Say NO! and mean it.
Speak your truth.
Live an Honest and healthy life.
Be kind to yourself and Others.
For questions or queries :
Colleen van Heerden
Reiki Master/Therapist/Blogger
Facebook: Midlands houseof Healing
Blackberry Channel : C0024A0B6

Fear of C -h- a- n- g- e-




Change is often a very scary word!

Everyone wants it but when it comes to actually doing it, the fear of the unknown or the lack of discipline frightens many.

I have been facing myself on this matter a lot. Keri gave me,  the book : The Four Agreements and the book called the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Previously, I had considered myself “ok” ish. I read the Four Agreements and well there were parts of the book which I realized that I need to be impeccable with my words more. I need to bring more light, I need to not speak any bad things or poisons out to the Universe, even if I am pissed off, which happens sometimes.
I realized that these books came at the right time, it was time to change within for me.
I have added them to my daily affirmations : Refrain from Judging, Blaming, Assuming or taking it Personally.
Also, no speaking poisons of any kind, no gossip, no allowing my ego or shadow to take over.
Keep living Spirit every moment of the day!   this is no easy task.
I have been domesticated, raised by people who have cursed people to death, I kid you not!
My grandpa was cursed by my grandma = died exactly so
My uncle was cursed by aunt = he never came home
My sister cursed her husband = he was killed in an accident
So, you see the cycle to use your words for darkness and not for light is possible.

They all unintentionally, in anger used the words when they felt helpless and

in a “victimized” situation.

These are very harsh consequences to live with.

So I keep myself in check, I needed
To uncover all of the old wounds, the poisons spoken upon me, for example:
Your stupid!
Your Ugly!
Your inadequate! You wont amount to much!
Discreating these agreements, released me and I felt a deep shadow lifting from my soul.
I kept going even when I felt uncomfortable, and uncovered a few wounds of fear.
Don Miguel says anger is only a mask reflection of fear.
I committed to myself to do the Inner work so that I could grow. Everyday, I am now
Being conscious and aware of my thoughts and intentions. The most important deep change

within Is that I love me a little more which has made me even more comfortable with myself.
Accepting myself on a deeper level and this has made me kinder to myself.
Like accepting of myself as a person who has needs.

Needs of comfort : good food, soft bed and pillow, hot baths, quiet environment

to work and live in, comfortable clothes, a good life.
You can see the change on the inside has now affected my entire life on the outside.
I am calmer, a deep seated calmness, a non reactive attitude of great change is taking place.

I am feeling more me. I have started speaking my truth more and more.

I ask more questions and clarify things, so I understand them better.

The Change is happening, its flowing like a perfectly natural occurence.

Want to grow! Read the Four Agreements and the Mastery of Love!

It will change your world.


Lotsa Love



Growing into thy beautiful self


Growing into thyself.. . .

To thyself be true.

Speak it.

Live it.

Breathe it.

If you don’t like it, say it.

Keep your energy in tact, stay grounded.

Run from drama, heightened emotions or chaos, dodge baby dodge it.

Take long naps in the sun.


Laugh often.

Have beautiful moments everyday.

Listen to the birds, listen to the bees.

Hug a tree.

Go for a walk.

Stretch, Move, Shake your bootie.

Love with all your heart.

Clean your heart out, forgive.

Kiss till your knees wobble.

Be massaged at any given time….

Just love being you!

Grow into Loving yourself, its a wonderful journey!

Power of your I n t e n t i o n


At the beginning of the year, I made a vow to myself, this year : no more bronchitus.

I had bronchitus 3 times last year, I was forced to take anti biotics which I despise

and had my doctor lecture me. Obviously, I had a debate about the anti biotics with

him and deeply discussed the side effects of it. His expression and voice just

reinterated : Do you want to get better? I surrendered and took them.

It is August 2014, I am happy to say that I was not sick this year! yay!

I set my goal : with the Power of my Intention! I will not get sick, I will take

care of me and ignite the healing within me.

I am so happy, I reiki’d me, exercised, stayed aware of myself and rested when I needed to.



I also made my vision board for 2014, 8 days ago.

Five years ago, I decided to buy a

projector, I didn’t have the money but I did have the POWER of my intention.

I have saved and saved and on Monday I did a Happy dance! I collected my
LED Acer Projector, so I can watch movies in the comfort of my home.

I can make tea, I can pause and go weeeeeee, I can make a snack at home and

then go to bed. I love movies, especially inspirational one’s like

Forest Gump, What About me?, Deepak Chopra.

See : The Power of your intention, works for me. Its like I BITE

into the GOAL of having a projector, I feel it, I have it,

I meditate on it, I receive it.  PING! It is here, looking at me

from my computer. I am oh soooo grateful and blessed.

You may think ? How How How!

1. Set a Goal.

2. Use your POWER of Intention : Speak it, think of it, imagine it everyday.

3. Close your eyes, FEEL what it feels like whatever you want.

4. Ask the UNIVERSE for Abundance to flow to this IDEA.

5. Be passionate about it.

6. Receive, Bless, Be Grateful!

Next on the Vision Board !     Hawaii!

Happy Creating.



Seeking ? Life support system for a Penis …..

LIfe Support System

I call this my recollection of my search for a “life support system for a penis” : My dating experience.

Well I started out late in my 20’s, I was very detached, and I mean very.

I learned that I could not give my heart to anyone, and thus I protected myself.

I had a very strict code Kiss and move on.    I then discovered the internet

chat dating, and met guys  in a chat room online, a lot of different characters.  My experiences were very funny.

For example : when they said tall, fair, handsome = Gothic, skinny, and non social.

When they said good personality, kind = They ended up being fat and I mean really fat

with loads of issues.

I agreed to meet a guy at a cafe, and when he arrived we instantly knew that we wouldn’t connect.

Lesson ~1. People lie because they cannot face their own truth.

The next lesson I learned  is that being a good lover, doesn’t mean he is a good character.

My boyfriend who asked me to marry him, had dumped his girlfriend on the same

day, we met and then introduced her to me. I was so shocked, I didn’t even know we were dating.

Lesson ~2.  Great orgasms doesn’t mean his of good marriage character.

I happily said NO! to his proposal and I am so glad I did!

I have learned that guys don’t really know who they are, they are mostly

not responsible, they don’t think about consequences and

also they are not self aware.

Lesson ~3. Date someone who knows WHO he is and he is prepared to do the Inner work to Heal.

Next: Women Need to be Specific. Specific about what you want in a relationship. Men do not read minds.

Lesson ~4. I was very very specific in asking the UNIVERSE for my man.

Given he was freshly divorced, hurt, broken. I didn’t know it at the time

but I wanted to fix him, being a EMPATH and all, I felt his pain and wanted

to make it disappear. He completed all the character listings on my list

for a partner but what I didn’t know is that he would be a light upon my

path and teach me so many lessons.

As a woman I gave everything for love, I later learned that this is very exhausting,

I mean I am not super woman, I am human, I get tired and I need rest to.

Lesson ~5. Speak up, Ask for HELP, Speak your truth if and when you are unhappy.

Be Self Actualized as a person before you embark on a life partnership with someone.

This is imperative, otherwise you bring your baggage into the mix

and well its explosive.

Lesson~6. Have a relationship of  Self Love with Yourself, this is the Key to happiness.

Say No. Say No frequently and often and mean it.

Lesson~7: Don’t say Yes and mean No. Do not be a people pleaser to make him happy.

You need to be happy in a relationship, not subdued or surrendered or manipulated.

Lesson ~8: Be yourself 150% at all times, don’t pretend you wake up with a neat

hair do, when you have awesome bed hair.

Woman often sacrifice themselves for love. Sex for Love or Lack of Sexual Satisfaction for


Lesson ~9: Ensure your man is a exceptional lover! and I mean at least 50 orgasms in a

session, please.

Giving of yourself is important but don’t give so much!  you bring your 50% and he brings

50% together build something amazing.

Lesson ~10: Don’t be a doormat for him or anyone, life is to short to keep crying

about it, so Speak up, love yourself enough : to do it.

When I connected with my partner, I felt I could change him, big “yeah” right !

People are who they are. You should love your partner for who he is and

he will change himself if he chooses to. You cannot expect someone to

become you, it is easier to find someone like you than to keep hoping for change.

Lesson ~11: Quit wanting to change your partner, accept him or move on.

If you are into spirituality and passionate about it, ensure your partner

is happy for you. It is hectic being with a critical person who doesn’t support who you are.

Lesson ~12: Live your truth, be who you!

Happily HIPPIE!


What lies beneath . . .


Inside beneath all the mask lies a little girl.

A little girl struggling to find her way in a womens body.

Owning her own business, being responsible, living up to the

expectations of her parents.

She’s tasted freedom!  It didn’t include a house owned by the bank,

it included living out of a backpack and  having nothing.

Freedom to dance under the stars without judgment.

Freedom to have no one blame her, assume or take her words

to personally.

Freedom to have fun! to laugh freely.

To play.

To talk to strangers.

To make friends in a foreign land where she didn’t need to worry

about rape, abuse, or any harm, a safe place.

Freedom to be herself, where she didn’t need to protect her

heart, where she could just LOVE.

Love herself deeply, become her best friend and

just Be.

Happy Women’s day!  x xx x

I need you doesn’t mean I LOVE YOU


Yesterday in the shower, I had a realization about “I need you” doesn’t mean I LOVE YOU!

It really made me start to analysis my life as I thought that NEED was LOVE ?

My family needed me in all kinds of roles : the role of cleaner, babysitter, helper,

builder, shopper, fixer. If there was a need even a financial one, I would

be the ONE helping. I thought need was love, well it turns out, it isn’t.

LOVE is when someone loves you unconditionally. You are treated with respect,

kindness, tolerance, you are seen as a person and your human needs for

rest, food, clothes are catered for.

NEED ? is a scary thing. People manipulate others – in relationships to

fulfill their sexual needs, or financial needs or need for “security”.

Co-dependance is a scary thing when your fear is holding you

back from being a fulfilled person.

In my life I made a decision to be a WHOLE person to do things that scare me,

like going to INDIA alone, like driving, like getting to know who I am,

it is truly the best thing you can do for yourself.

INDEPENDENCE is the ability to function without your partner,

and to also give him the freedom to do the same.

As couples we are not joined at the HIP.

We need to do things on our own, so we can grow by ourselves,

and learn to appreciate each other more for being Strong,

Adventurous, and Brave.

So, watch out for the “I need” you word, thinking that its LOVE!

it isn’t, be wise and make good decisions for you!

Only you know whats good for you.

So, start living it.

Breathing it.

Being it.

Lotsa love


The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

4 Agreements

I am blessed to have Keri B from hand me this amazing book.

I remember on my Kahuna Level 3 course, how Anthea Hardwick explained how you should be :

Impeccable with your words.

Do not take it personal.

Refrain from Blaming, Assuming and Judging.

These words stuck with me and I kept on doing the Inner work for my spirit.

This book by Don Ruiz is amazing! Now, to give you some background

about me, I read my bible cover to cover by age 8, it took me a whole year

and its as if I swallowed the knowledge, ingested it.

It all made sense to me. How God created the Earth, how words have power to

create and how we speak our world into being : both positive and negative.

The Agreements for me, explains it so much better. It reminds me of

what “Jesus” said about two people agreeing on something and

it will be so. (rusty recollection)

HOWEVER, it is so much more to it! Like White Magic and Black Magic.

Black magic being, when someones says  : YOU are Fat! You are Ugly and YOU being YOUNG

agree! this is a AGREEMENT! where you agree to it.

This then filters into your life and affects everything : Like being SHY,

distant, unsocialable, until you break it with “White magic” of LOVE.

What I am doing : is I am verbally saying : ” I release that Agreement of Being FAT/ Ugly”

I discreate that agreement! and it feels like a huge weight lifted from my soul.

I am wonderful, beautiful, and amazing : I positively affirm myself.

It goes onto to describing how GOSSIP is a poison and how we let

it poison our mind against people, things, situations and how

we need to stop it.

Being Happy, Loving, Content is good for your soul and Being.

Visit :

or Buy the BOOK!

It is worth every R1, you spend.

Thank you Keri B!


How to Create Your Vision Board : 2014



You Need:  Cut outs from magazines, pritt x 2, a huge cardboard, IMAGINATION, Good Music.

Create it with your partner!!!

Step 1 : Collect magazines and cut out pictures and words that INSPIRE you!


Step 2 : Start pasting some of the Pictures on your Cardboard, try combining pictures with words while you dancing.

Ensure you incorporate pictures of your OLD visions boards also, so you are building on a solid foundation of Abundance.


Step 3 : Place the completed Vision board on a solid surface, everyday bless it, visualize, play, create, and JUST imagine.


Step 4. CUT, BURN, Release your old vision board, bless it and release all expectations and attachment, say it! and let it go.


YOU are now ready for your new adventure of 2014 of Abundance.


Happy Creating!


Lotsa Love




6 Years of Adventuring within…….



On the 6th August 2008, I arrived back from India with a backpack of clothing.

I had nothing! I felt free and Ready to begin. . .

I then started my adventure of a True Life, most of all it was hard work, endurance,

dedication and confidence in myself. I will share some awesome moments with you.

Moving from Cape Town to India to Bethlehem to the Midlands – what an adventure.

Opening my practise in 2009 : Bethlehem  : The most hostile place for a holistic healer, done it!

Loosing weight : 114kg to 85kg and maintaining it! Takes discipline and dedication.

Having my tarot read by a Parot in India : Priceless.

Having my nose pierced in 5 seconds in India.

Learning to Drive a car and motorbike in India! Oh my goodness! done it.

Cutting up my credit card and burning it, hard! done it.

Moving my practise and blossoming with it! done it, will continue to grow with it.

Learning 7 different types of massage and retaining the knowledge! done it.

Teaching over 43 people Reiki / Massage from different countries! done it.

Travelling to India on my own twice! done it.

Driving my scooter in the Midlands! done it.

Being financially supported by the Universe! Done it! and still doing it.

Believing in myself and in the Universe! doing it.

Eaten every possible delicious dish I could! doing it!

Meeting amazing people with awesome stories! d o i n g it!!

Meeting interesting Healers in Auroville! done it.

Having a supportive partner!   d o i n g  it!

Starting a blog! inspired by Keri  – – – work in progress. (thank you)

Starting a website! inspired by Andrea  – – – thank you!

Started a Blackberry channel of over 900 subscribers! wahoo.

My journey of life, involved learning about myself and learning to heal the

Colleen on the Inside has healed so many filters that I am happy and

content with Myself.
Ready for any adventure that is presented!


The Universe is my Genie!   : Your Wish is my Command!

Quit the Job you hate!

Settle your debt!

Give things away!

Be Lighter and Free!

Go for an adventure to or





Be Gloriously Gay !

Its ok to be gay

I remember meeting, my first gay person at 5 years old. My mom took me to a hair salon

which was filled with woman.  They had the most beautiful features, make up, perfect hair,

well dressed, professional people. They spoke with such authority.

I couldn’t decide if they were men or women? My brain was confused at how something

so beautiful, could possibly be a man!?

They treated me with great kindness and made me lunch! I thought they

were the happiest people in the world. They laughed loudly, made so

many jokes, were openly bitchy in the nicest possible way.

Truth be told, I didn’t know what gay was. When someone explained it to me,

all I knew was I wanted to be “gay happy”!

I wanted to play with all the different clothes, laugh out loud and be Gloriously gay!

Over the years I have met some gay people. First off, let me say I did some research.

Pregnant mother’s hormonal levels influence the child’s sexual orientation,

so being gay, isn’t really a choice. Who chooses to be judged? 

Who chooses to face non acceptance by their family?

Who chooses to be treated with great prejudice? 

No one really! 

Your sexual orientation is only ONE part of who you are!

The rest of you is Spiritual, Happy, Intuitive, Joyful, full of 

Lovely Creation.

So be GLORIOUS gay!!!!! and most of all be you!

PS: Parents Accept your sons or daughters gayness it isn’t a Disease.

Sons / Daughters Accept, love, and be Gloriously Fabulous Darling!

From : Colleen with Love.


We seek. . .


We Seek unconditional love but struggle to give it.

We seek equality, but practice duality.

We seek kindness, but must first give it.

We seek health, but must first release the dis ease within us.

We seek a leaner body, but refuse to wake early.

We seek a fuller bank account, but procrastinate at fulfilling our dreams.

We seek a happier life, but fill it with materialism instead.

We seek simplicity, but buy it,  instead of growing it.

We seek friendship, but forget to not judge.

We seek acceptance, but forget to accept ourselves.

What we seek resides within us, it is only by cultivating ourselves

that we change our UNIVERSE inside and Outside of us.

By Colleen van Heerden

Sexual roles we play


I met my partner in 1998, we decided to get married in 1999, as we both felt we

could not live without each other. I then played the role of the “hunter”,

truth be told, he dumped me 7 times, it was heart breaking but I pursued him

and I knew that he was the One. He was my first lover and once I tasted the forbidden

fruit, well, I wanted more. I remembered that he worked away and returned on

Weekends from a really physical rope access job, I didn’t care if we ate,

slept, but I definitely left his place smiling from ear to ear on Monday morning.

I was exercising my male side, I gymed hard, I was in the corporate world

where my femaleness was considered a weakness. My male side was totally

dominating me, so I wanted to be shagged often, on demand.

I remember also visiting friends and at 9pm, my alarm would go off

so we could go home and shagg! My friends were appalled at my

level of efficiency, demands, and setting a sex alarm.

You see my crazy ness came from my YIN and YANG, not being balanced,

my Female side was totally subdued, seen as a weakness and Male

side was running rampant creating all kinds of chaos of being

arrogant, macho, wise ass and the Like. My gym mates were

older men who could bench press 150kg, and I was their spotter.

I could leg press 100kg with my legs no problem.
I was out of control!

It has taken years for me to recognize this, that deep down inside

I am a woman, it is not a weakness, it is my greatest strength.

I am intuitive, I practise yoga, meditation, reiki and I keep

track of both my YIN and YANG, as my male side tends

to want to OVERWORK, overdo, be all WINNING but

my female side is gentler, softer, loving, kinder.

To Keep the Balance of the Two, I practise Kundalini meditation.

Start having a relationship with yourself, and ladies learn

that you don’t have to be the hunter, you can be wooo’ed with flowers,

or a love letter.

Let GO! and let things happen, naturally balanced and synchronised.

Your Trigger points within…who pushes them?

Let it go


Yesterday, I consciously took a time out for me.

I felt I needed some COLLEEN time.

Time to reflect on my own emotions and relationship with myself.

What I found was somewhat profound and very healing for me.

I talked to my body about creating DISEASE in me and found

the reason for me having had bronchitus 3 times last year was

a lack of tolerance for myself. This emotion then created an intolerance

to wheat, diary, potatoe and eggs.  I suffered for at least 8 months of this and

then I decided to accept, love and eat what I want and deal with my emotions.

I apologised to my body and said I love you and moved on.

Next was my expectations and disappointments with myself and others.

Knowing I come from a very disciplined grandfather who instilled

it,  into me with a very hard hand. My expectations of myself and humanity are

oh so high. I feel disappointed that I haven’t purchased my own home yet,

I still feel content blessed and happy with living in such a gorgeous place.

I had to happily let go of my expectation / disappointment in myself which

led me to disappointment in others. Without opening a can of worms,

I find it really hard to forgive once someone has disappointed me.

I wrote my truth down, as to why, this is, and well I forgave and let go.

Next on the list was my own bitterness due to failed expectation.

I expected to be thinner already, and all I can say to myself is,

I am doing the best I can, for now this is acceptable. I am not quitting

but I am also being kind to my own body by pacing myself and

not rushing into extremeness because my ego feels that I’m not

progressing fast enough. I am fitter, happier, kinder, and I love my

body more, so for now, I will continue on my journey.

Bitterness towards small things that I never speak of also came up,

I happily put them on my piece of paper, waiting to burn and let go

of it.

Next on my list was my courage to adventure more,

to be less of a pain in my own ass. I seemed to have lost some of it

as I have become comfortable and content. I know in this space,

I don’t learn or grow, so I decided to save for a Adventure to Cape Town,

my mother city, to see my Mountain, to eat fish and chips, to inhale

the smell in Texies fish shop in Cape Town. To feed the squirrels.

To watch the ocean in Fish hoek. To visit Kalkies and eat loads of fish.

To go eat Dosa, if I can find the place. On the list for this year.

All of this took me an hour to check in with myself, to clean out what triggers

me. I happily burnt the page, forgave, blessed, released, let go.

I then reiki’d myself for 30 minutes and I must say I feel amazingly kinder,

more loving and gentler.

Having a Relationship with yourself is awesome!

I recommend it. Get to know you! You are pretty amazing and beautiful!

Colleen with LOVE x x xx x x

My Grandpa said. . .



My grandpa has passed on, over 20 years now, and July 31st used to be  his  birthday.

I begun to remember all of his uniqueness, his personality and what made him, him.

His name was George Edward Langeman like the KING GEORGE cigar box that he kept in his

cupboard, he was German.

He taught me many values that I will share with you, it shaped who I am,

and it keeps helping me,  make good decisions for my life.

So here are some treasures to ponder upon:

1. TALK is Cheap  – but money buys the Whiskey.  I learnt this,  from a young age that

people talk to much and Act to little.

2. Colour, Race, Creed doesn’t matter, interact with everyone as it is in this “grey”

area that you learn who you are and grow from it.

3. Have acquaintances but choose your friends wisely. He had four friends :

a colleague, a policeman, a butcher and a shoe store owner. He visited them

on his off days and drank way to much whiskey.

4. Love is unconditional, practising this  –  is difficult.

5. Be responsible with yourself as far as possible. Take care of yourself, look good.

6. Dress stylish. He always wore Lee jeans, Italian shoes, a leather belt with

his name on it, a black leather jacket. He was always clean shaven and smelt of old spice.

7. Be on time, be an hour early if you must.

8. Don’t be lazy. My grandpa retired and then got another job delivering flowers, he literally

worked until the day he died. Hard work is good for you.

9. Manners : Always have manners, say please and thank you.

10. If you have nothing good to say, don’t say it. Keep your mouth shut.

11. Travel and Learn new things, you can do anything.

12. Don’t listen to other people, do what you want.

13. Be Respectful to your elders. Learn to Serve.


I miss him, as he was not only my grandpa but my best friend.

We will meet again! and share all of my adventures.

Treasure your grandparents, they are such treasures to be remembered.







Why I think its awesome to be a WOMAN ……

Megan Fox Wonder Woman





Over the past month, I had the privilege of meeting amazing  woman…..


Woman who have survived:


Who are raising two down syndrome kids.

Who has buried a kid.

Who had a miscarriage.

Who has survived rape / sexual molestation.

Who chose to be a Single Mom.

Who are in a loveless relationship.

Who seek to be satisfied : body, mind, spirit.

Who feel that this world should be run by WOMEN!

Who feel that this world needs no War.

Who take on the world : home, business, kids, and put themselves at the BOTTOM of the LIST.


WOMAN you are the most amazing creation in the WORLD.

You have a link to your DIVINITY : INTUITION.

Use your GUT feeling.

Follow your instincts.

Keep learning about having PLEASURE and enjoying LIFE.


Live your passion.



Enjoy who you are  !   You are Beautiful! Amazing! Strong! a Warrior!

and you make this world a better place.

All my love!




What if …


What if :

You accepted being amazing…

What if:

You knew you were part of the infinite.

What if:

You saw your possibilities as endless.

What if:

You were rolling in the money.

What if:

You were in harmony with how you saw yourself and how you really are.

What if:

You possessed such awesomeness, you beamed of love.

What if:

You loved yourself unconditionally.

What if:

You accepted just to be YOU!

What if. . . . . You knew that you’re beautiful, special, awesome, amazing…

and capable of creating your OWN Universe…..


….>>>>It starts with you!


Real people ……..

Real People Laugh

Over the last three days, I have massaged all kinds of the most interesting people ever.

From a professor of law, a business man, a forensic accountant to a farmers wife.

All these people are “real people” living their most authentic selves  in life.

The one I found most interesting is the business man. He opens butchers in the townships

which is then followed by opening of a shop. He interacts with the black community

in Khayelitsha, he is aware of the culture, concepts and poverty.

He is a calm, chilled, amazing man. He admits his weaknesses easy

and affirms his strengths.

His grandfather was a butcher, his father was a butcher and he is a butcher.

I felt blessed to meet such an amazing spirit, a real person with such a big heart for people,

no matter their colour or creed. I felt inspired by this man, to keep being my authentic self,

to live my truth, and to keep being who I am, a crazy therapist/ healer/ wife / body worker.

May your day be filled with Real People! who make you laugh out Loud!







Ramblings about time…..


As a kid, a day felt like an entity. As a teenager, my misspent youth of dancing and chasing boys seemed like a lifetime ago.

As a young adult finding my feet to become a adult,  I longed to be an  Adult! To be Free and to have money.
Now in my late 30’s, time seems to pass me by! so quickly. Just yesterday, it was January,

it is July 2014!  Time seems to have moved on, faster and quicker.

Days pass by like a blur.

At night, I can’t wait to get to bed to start afresh tomorrow, to get to do all I didn’t do today!

As a adult, I seem to have missed some time, like from age 6 to 16, it has all meshed into one in my brain.

As in I was free, and then I became a responsible adult.

I have been listening to Sir Ken Robinson about the hoax, we’ve been fooled to believing.

 (( Sir Ken Robinson makes an entertaining and profoundly moving case for creating an education system that nurtures (rather than undermines) creativity.))

I believe time has been stolen from us, by having us conditioned to a system that no longer serves our spirit.

Time for us to become all that we longed to be! free, spirited, creative,

loving, kind, gentle, fiery, and self evolved.

It feels like TIME is NOW! like I cannot put things off for to long, no procrastination!

I have to act now, if I want to achieve anything in the future.

Like its taken me this long to become fitter, so I have and must use my time

wisely to keep me motivated and keep at it.

Like planting a tree is investing in your future fruit.

Saving money for a “rainy day”.

Exercising now to keep you healthy.


Next :  Time to create a new vision board! of our future creation.


In a few weeks SPRING will be sprung upon us………….


Time to Gather all thoughts and ideas and put them into practise…..


Time to ACT! more,…  Less talk talk talk….


Time to Check in with myself and see…..where I’m at…….

Surviving 15 years of marriage, what I’ve learnt so far …


I had a simple lunch yesterday, celebrating our love of 15 years, actually 16 years together.
The first anniversary you remember the most, the rest begin to form a blur of none rememberance.
Never take advice from divorced, separated or single people, it obviously didn’t work out. Take advice from happy old couples only.

Marriage is a Journey, your partner will happily highlight your flaws and point

out your wrongs, take it and then make an effort to correct your behavior.
Never go to bed angry, with one another.
When an issue arises, take time to be quiet and identify the issue, don’t stir each others “pain body” and forget all the good together. (no screaming matches) Respect each other to be quiet.
An Anniversary is a double edged sword, people celebrate it for the “lack of love” they didn’t give their partner, throughout the year. Try and make everyday special, it only takes time to do so.
Disappointment and hurt are part of life, don’t close off your heart because of it, learn to love more and to forgive.
Your partner holds your heart and love in his hands, treat him with love and with care.
Expectations are a vicious ambition, it will either make you dreadfully unhappy or help you realize you need to let go of the picture in your head and move on. Create a vision board as a couple instead.
Life is complex. It is filled with irony. Sometimes not getting what you want is actually good for you.
In this journey of love, a deep partnership where all secrets are open for the viewing, the good, the bad, the ugly, there is also the threat of our mortality, knowing that one day we will die and we might suffer, but die we will eventually do. The loss of your partner will come, but for now we live together as if time has no end.
Learn to appreciate,  every moment of whatever emotion you share.
Adventuring together is important. Assist your partner to grow, but don’t carry, ‘enable’ or
Subdue any part of who you are.
Being a good wife is putting your needs first! Years later bitterness and anger will bite you, if you aren’t taken care of you.
Living your dream and working together, is one part courage, one part bravery, one part discipline not to
“kill” the person you see everyday.
Accepting that we are both needy individuals, wanting attention, acceptance, love, and a friend to approve of your mad ideas.
A partner to laugh at life, to fall over our own feet, and repeat stupid mistakes, its called humanity.
Its ok for your partner and yourself to relearn about action and consequences again and again and again…..
In the end, love is what we strive for.
Love is present when there is a absence of judging, blaming, assuming, taking it personally and leaving behind the victimhood, at the front door.
Love an unconditional emotion, part of the infinite, we seek it, treasure it, and sometimes find it. I know I have in these years of growing into my own ‘madness’, finding my own happiness in who I am and standing up to be the person, he saw me to be, when we met years ago.

And so we journey on, into the unknown…..


Beating yourself up during Winter !


Beating Yourself Up

Let me start off by saying I am a tropical person. I love the warm sun, the ocean, fresh fish off the grill and picking up shells at the beach. I love warmth, I don’t mind sweating my ass off in India, I don’t mind it at all.

What is really hard for me is Winter! My fingers are cold, my joints are not agile, I have to really force myself out of bed.

Its freezing, I have my tea and start doing my yoga pose routine. I also added in lunges, crunches, and squats just to force myself to get firmer. By the time I am done, I am warmer, its time to brace the outside coldness. I am dressed like an eskimo while my partner snuggles his pillow and out I go.

I have found that I cannot cut out carbs in winter, I need potatoes, I need bread, I need oats, I just don’t get warm. I then feel guilty and “beat up on myself” because I don’t intend to be fat again but I just cannot do without these necessities.

So, I embarked on a plan to keep me balanced.

I will try to have soups before 6pm in the evening, a green soup filled with peas, chickpeas or a spinach soup to speed up my metabolism, any soup will do. I will fast from 6pm to 7am the next morning having no drinks or eats before I go to bed to keep my fitness and not gain flab.

I will eat the bread, snacks, whatever I chose but I must do it in the middle of the day from 10am to 3pm, so it is digested before my system slows down. I will eat more fruits, nuts, healthy snacks also to keep me healthy.

I will continue with my raw juices of beetroot, carrot, apple. I will reduce my msg intake and ensure I stay healthy during winter.

The guilt comes easily when you are a woman because we tend to put on weight so quickly and taking back control is very hard sometimes.

So, I embark on a guilt-free winter eating because its normal to go into hibernation and eat and forget about the consequences thereof.

Its Winter ! So to recap my method of outsmarting winter…
Eat what you want from 10am to 3pm.

Make warm soups at night to keep your metabolism going.

No Eating from 6pm to 7am the next morning.

Up your intake of fruits, nuts, wholesome foods.

Keep drinking raw juices and smoothies to keep you healthy.

Exercise everyday.

Yoga Everyday.


Make a conscious effort to CUT you some slack because its winter!

Spring will arrive soon enough! Lets endure the WINTER.



Suppressing of your spirit leads to Depression

Pill popping Nation

For the last seven years of my life, I have found a deep happiness within myself.

This wasn’t always my truth. I was forced into finding a job, earning a salary, and dealing

with suppressing my spirit which cracked me at least once a month.

I could feel people lying to me. I could feel their pain. I could feel their emotions,

I was an empath but I had no way of balancing or controlling it. Sometimes I would get

depressed for days, thinking I was going crazy. I could tell you when someone

would die or when someone was pregnant.

The feelings were deep and strong and still are.

By suppressing my spirit to live in a 5 sensory world, of eating, drinking, working, living in a zombie state, really was not for me.

Depression for me,  means the suppressing of your INNER VOICE, your INNER Spirit where wisdom lives.

I also feel that every time you do not listen to your inner voice, your Ego / Shadow self takes over. The effects are dreadful, as

your darker self, loves misery, disappointment, sadness, pain and the like. You can see a pattern growing here.

I feel that by learning to Listen to your spirit and growing with it, you can balance it.

To start off , you need a Healthy Diet, and a living Spiritual Life.

Your Healthy Diet should include fresh vegetables and fruit, low carbs, 2 l of “love activated” water a day and kombucha.

Your Spiritual Life needs prayer, meditation, fasting, exercise everyday to keep you grounded and balanced.

You need to visualize grounding yourself, growing roots to the core of the Earth, filling your aura with

love and light,  including a blue shield for protection.

You need to have daily coarse salt baths with epsom salts to cleanse your aura.

Using Gem stems like obsidian, hematite, pietersite, ulexite to keep you centered in your body are essential.

(You can wear them on your body)

Living your spirit is part of your Spiritual heritage, in listening to your inner voice, you will find your life purpose to love, serve and remember who you are.

Taking anti-depressants to suppress feelings is not the answer for me. Taking a pill to suppress living, to block out the joy, the ability to feel, the ability to Smile, the ability to give Love is not living.  Of course, there are extreme circumstances where it is necessary, but I also feel that a “male” driven medical service which subscribes a pill to fix it, is not handling the deeper emotional issue of unhappiness.

I feel that is it more loving to express emotions. To cry if you need to. To Love, To Forgive, To  be YOU!

To choose healing with reiki and massage instead is healthier.

To choose a gentler approach to inner life of self.

Don’t be afraid to face you! It is by addressing these deeper issues that we learn to grow, love and heal.




Are you maturing well? like a good wine? like a delicious cheese?

Maturity 2

Maturity  ?
In my teens, my favourite thing to do was dance and listen to live bands in clubs, however, waking up the next morning, with a snotty nose due to the huge volumes of smoke I inhaled was not as cool.

I do long for the entertainment and freedom, but I am changing. What felt like entertainment then, isn’t the same at this moment in my life.

The most fun for me is completing my thoughts, writing, creating something amazing in the kitchen, dancing around the house all by myself, I really enjoy my own company.

My ultimate of course is massaging and igniting healing in the human body, at that moment I am happiest.
I totally enjoy reading inspirational books that inspire me, to be more me.

My partner and I were discussing how we “used” hop onto the blame train and blame each other for all kinds of inadequacies, ending in extreme arguments which were uncalled for.

We have both grown with continuous inner work on ourselves and our own consciousness.

We are at peace at home. The birds sing, the sun rises and sets, we have a fire at night and we work in the garden together. We visit the small town of Howick for supplies once a week and we are enjoying living a simple life.

We do not have television. We do not read newspapers. We do not listen to the news broadcast on the radio.
We both love watching series and enjoy animation.

The best part for me is waking up early to watch Kungfu panda and just listen to my partners laughter.

Yesterday we were lying in the sun together, enjoying the heat and just enjoying the moment of life.

I guess I have learnt how to self entertain without bright lights, noise, excessive driving, and  extremeties.

I feel I am maturing and nurturing me. I am finding peace and fun in the silence, in the books I read, in the writing I create, in the moment of being here, living the experience of life.

Those of you who has seen me in the last month, will know I upgraded to a new Blackberry z10 with touchscreen predictive text, 8 mg pixel camera, torch and so on. I had to learn how to operate my phone.

I texted my friend in India: “Are you regular”, I meant to say : “Are you ready to marry”? Oops, the fun of learning how to operate a new device. I’m improving everyday, enjoying the experience of technology.

Growing wiser, and growing older, I’m moving into the softer, gentler years of my life and it feels good.

Maturity is something to look forward to.


 Maturity 1



From Sensitive to Thick Skinned

Suffering by Dalai Lama


When I decided to be a healer, I really had no clue what I was getting myself into.

I didn’t know about boundaries, or protection or saying no. All I knew was I wanted to help.

I was a baby back then, finding my way through the path of healing. Yes, I had all the

diploma’s and certificates to prove my authenticity, my intentions were good, but I was a baby.

I am now moving into my 7th year of full time therapist, healer, wife, hairdresser,

woodchopper, driver, repairer, nurturer, guider and so on.

This week one of my clients said: “I mentioned you to one of my friends, since her daughter is “up your street and alley”, and he meant it was such good intention.  I first laughed at his sweetness and then commented that its ok, I really don’t mind what he thinks, all I care about is that I get to massage him, in that moment I knew I have growned up, I have become “thick” skinned.

I no longer seek outer approval, my happiness is approval enough.

I am happy. I wake up everyday to live my dream, to instill love and just be who I truly am.

On Saturday, I was challenged by a very angry client, all I could do was “laugh”  and restore her body.

I didn’t take it personal at all, I know that every emotion holds energy and with a release, calmness and love will overflow the body.

So, from a very sensitive me to a thick skinned me.

I’m growing.

I realized that I have been doing alot of inner work to become stronger.

I meditate everyday on myself, from the time I was born to my present time.

I instill love in me on a deeper level.

I reiki me everyday.

I check in with my emotions to release all anger or cry when I need to.

I pray.

I exercise.

All of this has guided me to have a good relationship with myself, and be in such a peaceful and good space, after living my dream for 6 years.

My advise to you is! you keep Learning, Growing, Nurturing you! So, you can live and be your TRUE self.

To instill love, kindness, gentleness to yourself and to others.

Happy Journeying WITHIN!.




Happy Colleen.



Why Cupid and I have broken up?

anti cupid image 2
I started out as a romantic in my 20’s. I believed in love at first sight. I believed in dating. I believed in true love.

Well then life happened and I felt the story books of Mills and Boons really told every conceivable lie possible, because life certainly wasn’t the same, so I decided to quit playing cupid this year.

Not without heartache and tears. Here is my story. I journeyed to India in 2008, I met a young man, we’ll call him MR X.

Mr X and I became very good friends over the years. I made a point of visiting when I journeyed to India as he was from South Africa, from Pietermaritzburg in fact, we had great laughs and great fun as friends.

When I returned to South Africa in 2008, we lived in Bethlehem, the Free state. I opened my practise in 2009 and I met a young lady, whom I’ll call Mrs Y. Mrs Y and I became good friends, she studied Reiki with me, I counselled her on many occasions. She visited frequently and we had good laughs about life.

It is now 2014, I was still friends with both Mr X and Mrs Y. I had encouraged them to meet as I felt they would be a good match,

so I introduced them via whats app in January 2014.

I believe in dating and I also know that you truly know a person, once you spend time with them, and I

set a rule that if they were to meet at my “space”,

I would feel it inappropriate for them to sleep together on their first meeting.

Oh My GOD! did this backfire because I felt it was my space and I felt they needed to respect my boundaries.

I was judged, ridiculed and written off.

I have thus been unfriended in so many ways, 3 months ago.

This month June 2014, they were married, pictures appeared from everywhere, name changed and advertised.

I felt hurt for many days, until I decided to not take it personally.

Taking into account, I spoke to them both everyday on whats app.

We chatted as long time friends, I spent 6-7 years being a good friend.

In the sense of friendship, I connected the two of them.

I cried the other because I was heartbroken. I had invested, time, energy, friendship in both of them.

I then decided I will no longer play cupid, no matter how desperate, lonely, or sad you are.

I decided to look at my own shortcomings, and it was because I didn’t want them to hurt each other with a quick sexual relationship, as I knew them both. I wanted them to get to know each other deeper, so a long lasting love evolved.

So, I happily pack my cupid’s bow and arrow away, I surrender, forgive, bless, release and move onto a stronger me.

Single shortcoming by Dalai Lama

Six Packs Are Overrated

Originally posted on The Zeit:

strong young asian man

You do not need to look like this to actually be fit.
photo by domdeen

If you train hard and eat right, your body will look like that of a mythical “Greek God”. You will have a great muscle to fat ratio and will enjoy having a six pack among other things. At least that is the case most of the time.

What if you do all of that and you still have a little belly which never seems to go away? What about those love handles which are always there no matter how hard you try to get rid of them?

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