I sit at your heart and knock? What do you love?
What would make you wake up at the crack of dawn, to do yoga, to pray, to get fitter?
I love what I do, I love helping others heal with massage, reiki and counselling.
The complete idea of doing what I love wakes me up and my day starts with
cats demanding milk and Pampers and did I mention, they love tea. (yes they are spoilt babies)
LOVE : what is it? it is the indescribable passion of having fire in your chest to
do what You love, despite criticism and naysayers.
How can You start, if you have NO money?
Start with LOVING yourself. Start loving every aspect of yourself.
Start watching YOU TUBE videos about DR EMOTO and Water.
(We are 99% liquid, start LOVING you and Blessing You)
Start with watching clips about What the bleep, do we know on YOU TUBE.
Start eating fruit and vegetables and drinking fresh water, automatically
you will start to change YOUR vibration, Your Energy.
Go for a walk everyday, get grounded.
When I started, I was to heavy to walk, so I jumped on my trampoline everyday.
You have to start, this is the most important journey of your life.
Next : Clean and Cleanse and Detox your life.
GIVE away what you no LONGER need.
Give 10% of what you earn away to someone in Need.
Share what you have with response ability. (no energy vampires, no parasites)
Many people think that having no money is a physical inadequacy but
Money is JUST paper. If you start to LOVE your life, your world,
you become RICHER, because of the quality of your life.
We have fresh running water.
We have fresh growing food.
We have electricity.
We have a home.
We have a good life.
Start re-enforcing the GOOD of Gratitude in your Life.
Say Thank you, offer Appreciation for all you have and to others.
Slowly, you start to change your energy and those around you,
you start to create a better Universe for You and Others.
It starts with Y O U. What do you LOVE?
I’m no GURU, it is true. I am just as human as you.
I have my faults and my failings, I am a woman seeking to discover my True Light,
to push my own
boundaries, to learn about my limitations,
no matter how uncomfortable it is.
I believe in living a spirit filled life which means embracing all aspects of me:
my light which is joy, laughter, fun, light heartedness, forgiveness.
my darkness which is depression, fear, hardened hard, fault finding
my brat, my adolescent self, my adult self, my goddess self.
I believe as I journey on, I keep learning, I wipe the tears, I heal the heart, I keep moving,
as this is all I know. I choose to keep at it.
I once had my tarot read by a parot, he was pretty apt.
I once had my jyotish (hindu astrologer) read my life path in Tamil for 2 hrs,
after which he refused payment from me, he too was very apt.
I am human, I dream, I romanticise, I create, I am me.
I cannot be anyone else, but me, because I am happy.
I choose happiness everyday, because I love me, sometimes more, sometimes less.
Lessons have carved aspects of my warrior, the heartbreak, the endurance and
perserverance in whatever life throws my way, it has created who I am, me.
Warrior, Healer, Shaman, Therapist, Massager, Wife, counsellor, friend,
Partner, . . . .
In so doing, it has sculpted me for the path which lies ahead for the journeys
to be taken, for the lessons to come, I know I am strong enough to embrace
them all, I have a shield of blue light, an Ethane to cut – whomever off, I step forward
leaping into it, because I can only move forward, the past is no more,
the future is unknown, all I have is this moment of leaping in, because
this is all I have.
Beauty is a feeling, not a look, it is an emotion, felt within.
I find beauty is an attitude, to overcome any obstacles.
Beauty no longer is the make up, you wash away or the hair extensions you remove
or the nail polish that fades away.
Beauty is a attitude, to be victorious when all has gone to shit,
when life knocks you down, its the ability to stand up!
To regain your composure, to wipe your tears and move on anyway.
Beauty is picking up the pieces when someone breaks your heart.
When someone disappoints you to forgive and forget.
Being beautiful isn’t manufactured, it cannot be bought.
It is a feeling within to overcome anything, when the chips are down.
I’m beautiful, I know it, and so are you.
You are Toxic. You spread your negativity by stirring others with Anger,
Ego and Pain body. You installed a “safety”, I am your friend, I’m here,
to seek one’s vulnerability to get your hooks in firmer. I now see you for who you are.
You are the opposer, the toxic opposition, you feed off drama, chaos, dualistic existence.
You’ve played your part well, Mastered the victim role. You amplify the negative
and increase your toxin intake with cigarettes, caffeine, weed or food whatever numbs you,
so you feel less. You are NOT for me. I seek not your presence in my life.
You are dark, feeding off misery, stress, noise, mayhem, you have chosen a loveless path,
no self love, no joy, no happiness, the shiny, the money, the comfort fulfils.
A good tree bears good fruit, if a tree bears none, we cut it down, we start to pay
close attention to restoring it or let nature take care of it, as it dies off.
We live a short life, to realize how special love is, how choosing gratitude can
CHANGE your entire Existance, how living in peace and harmony fulfils
the soul. You chose, now live your karma, only you can change YOU.
I disappear in the distance becoming a memory, you only get one chance
and its over, time to move on, your toxic and I no longer seek your
poison, as I love my soul.
I met Megan 3 years ago, I still remember the very first Reiki session we had together.
Megan later sent her partner Karl and together we have embarked on a Healing journey.
Today, I met Emer Ruby Shelley, she is beautiful, being only 1 week old,
she is so precious and gentle, I had tears in my eyes all morning
at how beautiful this new life and spirit is.
She smells amazing, that new born baby smell with such expressive emotions, frowns,
growns, smiles and when she opened her bright blue eyes,
its as if she looked deep into my soul.
I have already fallen in love with baby no 16, Emer.
Megan has grown into motherhood and she is so amazing with Emer.
Yesterday, I reiki’d them together, synchronising their aura to flow together,
creating an amazing bond of LOVE.
I am blessed to have met this family, who have grown into their true selves.
Thank you and I honour you with this journey.
All my love.
Friendship is sacred. I don’t do shallow friendships, I don’t do surface.
I require a soul connection, deep bonding. Spirit to Soul.
I have a few friendships that fulfil my soul. It is unconditional, I will help,
I will assist, I will give, and I know they will do the same.
I seek a deep bond that is well rooted. I don’t seek to be manipulated or
taken advantage of or disappointed. I seek to live by my code of being a
good friend, my code of conduct.
It makes it hard, doing what I do, I read people, I read thoughts, body language,
my gut feeling and intuition is accurate.
Sometimes I give you the benefit of the doubt, but it still hurts when you proof me right.
Self sabotage, foolishness, hopelessness yes,
what to do in a world unaware, unconscious people whose goal is to survive in a
I have been a loner, I share my thoughts with few, I take care to
guard, my heart, my soul, my energy.
I wait for Spirit tribe to appear.
I wait for like-minded souls.
I wait, because I cannot venture on a chance, the cost is to much.
I await to share sacred friendship only, because we ‘ll be friends for life,
today and beyond.
In August 2007, we decided to sell our worldly possessions and
go adventuring in India. In India, we worked hard physically
doing eco friendly building for the Auroville Earth Institute,
our presence there changed things radically, but that is another story.
July seems to be the hardest month for us, illness wise, Willem gets sick
and this time around, he was sick for 3 weeks with cellulitus, a bacteria infection
followed by a nagging cold. July is tough for me, but with assistance from my
Ancestors, Guides, Helpers, and using reiki on myself, I manage to overcome this
6 August 2008, we arrived back in South Africa. We crashed at Aunty Bokkie’s
house with 2 backpacks filled with Indian summer clothes, during
a Bethlehem Winter of -2. We quickly acquired winter clothing and started our
life Journey. I had decided to do a International holistic diploma which would take
on average 2 years, I did it in 5 months. I woke up at 4am, and studied until 12pm
everyday. December 2008, we went to Cape Town to collect sentimental items
and moved into a old double story stable house. The upstairs room would be my healing
studio and Willems art studio just opposite mine. We lived in the Middle of Bethlehem,
the Free State, the most hostile area for a holistic open minded therapist ever.
I encountered many request for happy endings from Farmers. I encountered
gay woman for the first time, asking me if I was from the Devil.
I encountered narcissist and sociapaths with very negative intentions.
I stayed in Bethlehem for 2 years. On the date of 6 August 2010, we moved
to the Midlands. I have grown to LOVE the Midlands and the variety of
farms and people we have met. Different characters, Different Agendas.
I look back in Gratitude to the LIFE lessons, I have learnt, both about myself and others.
Journeying to find our purpose, mine as a healer, Willem as a artist.
We have cried, laughed, learnt, been uncomfortable, sick, in pain, cold, lost loved one’s,
reconnected with old and new connections.
The path, we knew would be unknown, but We dared to walk it anyway because,
we want to be free, to be ourselves completely, in this search, we have found
love, contentment and Happiness.
8 years later, we have a home, a car, a good life of serving.
I am grateful to our families, friends, connections, thank you.
I am grateful to this journey and process of Learning and Serving.
I am most grateful to Willem he’s been the most life changing person ever.
I have so many lessons from this process, too many to share, maybe we can
have a chat with some tea and cake, we will have a awesome laugh!🙂
Love to you, my readers, who Inspire me.
(My disclaimer: I write this blog, to share feelings, life, laughter, my journey, its only about me,
and what I experience. Its Not to be taken Personally)
Moving house and staying present
Last week we moved house. We left the rambling main farm house and squeezed into the adjoined guest flat to make way for the new manager. It was the first step towards our dream house on the hill. It is a strange time of transitioning, of overlaying of old and new. Everything slips around me. Old boundaries crumble and I struggle to etch out the lines anew. I have to let go and I have to stand firm. Relics from the past, items of ill-fit, and baggage that seemed useful but was somehow never used are all falling away. I wonder at the extent of the discomfort it brings. A shifting of physical possessions, an exchange of one set of walls for another, a different cast of light, a new filigree of branches through the window – these are simple changes surely?
In and of themselves they might be, but they are attendant to an avalanche of psychic change. They lay out around me a fresh pattern of values, principles, goals and responsibilities. I try to remind myself that discomfort brings awareness and wisdom. It shows me what is always there – a world of shifting sands and turning seasons. Drought then rain then snow then cold then sun then Spring. These changes will come whether I’m present or not. A life of rhythm is peaceful; one of stagnating habit is not. Right now I have neither. There is nothing to do but face the turmoil. Of course, denial is technically an option. So is ignorance and escapism. But they drag in their wake the truly awful turmoil, like sickness and violence.
And so I stay, and watch my life and routine smudge like a watercolor left out in a storm. I turn up every morning, every moment. I breathe deep, I give myself space, I pour myself another glass of wine. And then I visit Colleen, my healer. She wipes away the cobwebs clinging, and wheedles my muscles into here and now. I feel her hands carving the air, coaxing out fear, easing her way between the realms. I drift from the sublime to the mundane and back again. By the time my mind wanders back to my body it has sunk deep into its cocoon of blankets, hot stones and incense. I feel Colleen has taken a big black felt-tip and outlined my body, as one does a suspicious corpse. Because I am here, right now, inarguably so. No-one can dispute the physicality of me (although I know it would have only ever been me who would have tried). And as painful as it might be to realize, I know, deeply and loudly, that I am not my home. I am not my things, my kitchen or my clothes. I am not my husband and I am not my daughter. I have no idea what will happen next. But I know I have the courage to meet it. And I have the talent and the wit and the strength to do something meaningful when I do.
This post was sponsored by the incomparable Colleen of Midlands House of Healing. To book a session with her at her home outside Howick (or for distance healing), call or message her on 084 603 0604.
The Best of me. The best attitude. The best temperament. The best possible outlook. The loved possibility. I apologise for not always giving you my best.
I know I am human and so once you realize that you’ve received less than you deserve, I am sorry.
I know that you cannot change me but I can change, to be a Better version of me.
I can choose to be kinder, gentler, more loving.
I can choose to be sweet because I love you.
You are my world. When I give you my best, I know you want to be your best for me also.
By me deciding to be the healthiest possible person means I’m not dependent on you for me, to be my best.
I can be, I must explore all of the aspects of me because I want to be me fully.
I want to share all my best with you, because I love you as much as you love me,
flaws and all.
Sickness and health.
Anger, shame, guilt, grief and goodness and all.
Agreements and disagreements because Life is filled with both bitter and sweet.
With love, let me do my best,
because I CHOOSE to change and Be my best for me.
I need you. Need. I need food. I need water, I need air.
I need to Breathe.
Need is not love.
LOVE, this Divine Spark within me.
The Love I feel for myself, knowing and accepting me means
I only need me. I am Master of me, myself and I.
I need Love yes, but not to be drained by your need.
Your need for drama, your need for creating chaos and darkness.
You bring no light, you are not light-hearted, your heavy, and show no love.
Love is the infinite secret, I seek.
I seek to know the strong Warriors embracing their light and their Darkness.
Dancing in the moonlight and singing in the rain.
Shinning no matter what scars they have,
no matter what hurt or pain they’ve endured.
Spirit is stronger.
We long for love, laughter, joy and the elusive happiness.
Now in this moment, I am happy.
I am whole, I am me.
We loose parts of ourselves,
we sacrifice our very essence to serve, to give, so we can have true love.
But the deepest love is within, a love to protect our hearts,
cherish our souls and only share our bodies with a true soulmate.
We seek intimacy, telepathy, magic, a deep longing for treasures of love.
We seek to fulfil this need, an ache, but we loose our way.
Love you. Love all of you, the good, the bad, the ugly,
the flaws because, I need you, to be you!
Written to you, by me.
Colleen van Heerden
Last year around this exact time, I had a melt down in my studio
in our wooden cabin. I then went to Willem, and said I am sorry, I cannot do this.
I am not in the building a house dream anymore, it has turned into a nightmare.
I said, all I want to do is live my purpose and help people heal, and he confessed all he
wanted to do is create magical paintings.
11 months later, we are very very happy at Phuzamoya farm in the Karkloof.
It has given us the space to grow into ourselves even more.
We chop wood when we choose to. We are 20 minutes away from Howick, and leisurely
go to town every week for groceries, we watch movies and
have warm cosy baths, eat delicious food, life is good!
How have I grown from this?
I have grown. When someone asks for my help, I check their motives and my own intention,
I refrain from JUMPING in and saving them.
(To grow their bank account, or help them manifest a new car)
I have become empowered to be a Warrior, I speak my truth, it might be harsh, but it comes out and
I don’t mind saying F@#$! off, please leave my home.
I am done with people pleasing.
I say NO often.
Currently, I feel bad because I have become harder, warrior like.
My morning music playlist ranges from :
The soundtrack of the VIKINGS series, Deadpool, Mantra,
The Outlander series : The Skye boat song, Ravi Shankar – Come on baby light my fire.
Turning 40, has evolved me, if I don’t want to do it, I won’t.
Home has become my sanctuary and safe space.
I am becoming more of a hobbit.
I started writing more of the words, I hold deep within.
My healing practise has grown from strength to strength,
thank you to all the amazing people here in the Midlands.
(they all have a space in my heart)
We have also managed to manifest a new car in 62 days. ( I will write a blog about this one. )
We have been gifted a new ginger cat, called CG, I feel he is Sebastian re-incarnated, he has
all the same characteristics, including loving me. He is my companion, he goes walking with me,
sleeps on top of me and moans for milk every morning.
My heart has healed and I feel this deep bond with him.
Willem and I together decided
no more house guest for a while, we had a ghastly guest for 3 months,
and we cannot afford to live with an unhappy person,
polluting our space, because we love it here.
I am grateful for every experience.
I am grateful, I don’t live in a wooden cabin, freezing my a@@ off.
I am grateful to have an awesome life purpose.
I am grateful for my partner, who is awesome on every level.
I am grateful for myself, for growing through any tough situation.
I am grateful and happy for what I have learnt.
I am grateful for you, the reader, journeying with me.
Thank you for a great year!
Over the last 3 months, I have become friends with my dentist.
WHY? Well, I have had an abscess 3 times due to an infected tooth.
It grew and grew into the size of a golf ball. So, yesterday,
he finally drilled into it to clean the tooth and clear it out.
As an empath, it is difficult for me, to have someone in my personal space, because I feel their feelings, emotions, and thoughts and Illness.
I have journeyed with this dentist for a while, because I need to heal and
he seems to be the ONE to be my healer.
He is an Indian Man, in his 50’s and the only way I could trust him,
was to start building a human relationship with him.
We talk about his hobbies, wife and kids, his travelled all over the world.
I saw him on Monday, he was sick with flu, so yesterday,
I took him honey and lemons to drink in hot water, he was
so thankful, that he hugged me. He shared his story, of his 2 daughters
with me and on some level we bonded more.
I am slowly beginning to trust him and relax in the patients chair,
without tensing up, even after 3 injections in my mouth.
I have become grateful for his expertise and advise.
He explains things well and takes the time to help me understand.
I had to give myself a good talking to about a dentist and
face my fear head on. Lets face it, your mouth is personal,
so is your space. I ensure I am grounded well, I listen to soothing music
on the way to the dentist and I hum while he is drilling in my mouth,
using that horrible suction device and making a whole lot of noise
inside my mouth.
I am learning to breathe, finding my happy place, without freaking out.
I have learnt that preparing myself is the key, to Keep your mouth OPEN for the dentist,
don’t let him have to force it open, as it hurts.
I have learnt to just surrender and let whatever happens, I will reiki myself later and heal what I can.
Journeying on…… and Opening wide.
Serving my human Purpose!
Not Hunger. Not Thirst. Not Desire. Not want.
Not sickness. Not Illness. Not Injury. Not fatigue.
All of which I have experienced in the last 8 years has stopped me from
fulfilling my purpose as a Healer, Teacher, Therapist, Shaman, Wife.
The path I stepped into, was UNKNOWN.
It was a journey, to save my own soul.
A journey which led me to a foreign land, I found my place of belonging.
I wake up early, when there is no light, but my breathe, my heart, my spirit soars.
Today, once again, I get to LIVE and Serve my PURPOSE.
I breath. I walk. I do yoga. I meditate. I connect to what you cannot see.
I prepare the massage bed, the space into sacredness that you cannot touch.
I feel your pain. I feel your ache. I feel the origin of your need for LOVE.
I dig deep, I grab hold of what no longer serves you, I replace it with LOVE.
I only share, what you ask. I never tell the whole story.
I don’t mention your Ancestors in the room. I don’t mention your path.
I only heal, where you and what you allow me.
So, I serve my purpose of Healer, Teacher, Helper, writer, blogger, Mother, Wife,
journey woman, as I know tomorrow brings new challenges, deeper meaning,
and more Healing to do.
Purpose, fulills and completes me, on every level of my being.
Nothing else matters. Not food, Not drink. Not Love.
Only this, and this path, I journey on.
I hear you speak, you mouth off, all the meaningless words. Words reacted, words trained and drilled into you.
You don’t read, you only respond with your emptiness. Your words carry no meaning. Your words carry a
bag of Hot air, rolling off your tongue, planting no seeds.
So many use this form of communication.
No eye contact, No humanity, no Attentiveness.
Closed. Blocked. Walled in! evasive! Running from the noise within, hiding from their Inner voice.
The voice that tells the truth, the one you don’t want to hear.
Listen, open your heart.
Breathe. Be. Listen to what you feel, inside.
Hear your Heartbeat.
Feel your breathe.
Hug someone, feel. You are not a Zombie.
Feel. Speak slowly.
Hear you, bursts forth.
Heal you, within.
When I rocked up for my reiki appointment with Colleen at Midlands House of Healing, I was a wreck.
Make that roadkill.
Some of the people who know me could see I was taking some “strain”. Sleep deprived, with zits (always a win) and a cold I’d had for 3 weeks. Mum burnout. It’s no joke.
But Colleen just knew, immediately, before I’d said a word, that I was also angry, depressed, fearful, tearful, not connected with myself. Which made her laugh.
I told her I’d pretty much been feeling like a husk of my former self for 11 months (since the Jumping Bean was born).
She laughed even harder.
In fact, she laughed so hard she was bent over double … gasping for air. “11 MONTHS!? You put yourself through 11 months of THIS?!”
I didn’t have to tell her I hadn’t made any time for myself and had neglected my meditation and yoga (but I did anyway). This time she laughed so hard she actually had tears running down her cheeks.
The woman was incredulous.
Right away, she knew me. Colleen is one of the most intuitive, compassionate beings I have ever come across. She immediately perceived that I have a frightfully well developed inner compass. I know when something in my life is off. Or needs attention. I know the importance of self-care. I’m the first one to kick one of my friends up the naught when she hasn’t been looking after herself. I get MAD when I see mothers neglecting themselves. I know that when I am happy, everyone in my family is happy. And vice versa.
And yet. There I was. Up shit creek and heading for the rapids. Not taking my own advice. For almost a YEAR. Which was funny.
Oh and also, I am an empath. A highly sensitive person. Emotionally porous. I absorb other people’s energy. Including negative energy. I feel what others are feeling. Which can often be heavy, man. Straight away Colleen saw that I was voluntarily carrying the kak of a ridiculous number of people. I just couldn’t stop feeling all this pain and worry.
Anyway, I didn’t want that amazing reiki session to end.
Afterwards, I felt freer. And me-er. After a year in the wilderness, I actually saw my husband again with the same eyes that first spotted him 9 years ago across a crowded beer tent on the eve of Ramadan in Dubai.
(Admittedly I did have a day or two of feeling vulnerable and cringing at what I had done to get myself into this hond-breakfast, but then I actually frigging forgave myself, and felt lighter and more grounded).
Welcome to getting past gatvol. (Just in case you don’t know what gatvol means).
Since returning to Joburg, I asked Colleen to do a distance healing for me and the Jumping Bean. Woah. Hold the iPhone, I know that sounds weird. How the heck does it work? Well, energy can be felt across a bajollion kilometers, we all know that. (Like when you think of someone, and then you get a Whatsapp from them?) This experience was truly amazing. There is much more ease in our lives and, its crazy, Jumping Bean has been an absolute little sunbeam ever since.
I am excited again.
Reiki is a healing technique to restore physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing. It’s about channeling and rebalancing energy and unblocking the chakras of the body.
Swedish Massage – De-stress, Relax, Rejuvenate Your Body:
Hot stone back and neck – R200
Hot stone back of body – R300
Hot stone full body – R450
Intense Deep Tissue Work:
Hot stone sport massage with cupping – R450
Release, Forgive, Love Massage:
Kahuna massage / Hawaiian lomi lomi deep tissue – R500
One Day Extreme Detox:
Swedish repair massage, Reiki and Kahuna massage – R1500
Mom & Baby Massage:
Pregnancy massage: intuitively linking the two and relaxing the body, to reduce swelling – R450
Teach your partner to massage you, promoting intimacy and love – R450
Reiki with Crystals and Sound Healing:
To balance your chakras, reduce stress, heal the inner child, balance female and male energies – R320
What is Psychotherapy/ Counselling?
Psychotherapy covers the basic nature of being human.
Love, hate, birth, death, sexuality, power and the vast complexities which sway the hearts of men and women.
What is the vision of Counselling or Coaching as a Life coach?
Every human being is of value and that it is important that every individual should be able to develop his own personality in an unrestricted and complete way. To be Free!
How does this influence being human?
Chemistry influences how people think and what people think, influences how we are. How we think, so we are.
What can be addressed in a session? (R300 per session)
Every aspect of being human.
Anxiety, depression, anger, addiction, changing you, growth.
Being more positive in your life.
Achieving goals. Staying focused in the now.
Grief. Divorce. Trauma. Fear. Sadness.
Birth. Abuse. Sexual abuse.
Want to book a session? Contact : Colleen van Heerden 084 6030 604
Friends of MHOH
Friends of Midlands House of Healing / Useful Links
The most important person in a babies life is the MOTHER!
read that again. The most important person in a babies life is the mother.
The Mother is responsible for eating, changing, nurturing, loving, caring, teaching you to embrace the world.
How your mother “reacts” to a baby, impacts on your life forever.
Every EMOTION the baby feels – Being loved, Being wanted, A sense of Belonging are all emotions felt
in the WOMB! Every hormonal experience of the mother affects the babies sexuality (gay or not), life approach (positive or not), life attitude (victim or victor), whether a the kid has depression,
psychic health and well being, and even self love.
The role of the MOTHER is the most important ROLE ever.
LOVE! Unconditional. . . .ly
Knowing that your baby CHOSE you to grow on a soul level.
Knowing that every soul has a JOURNEY.
LOVE is the KEY! Loving your baby and the life experience is a CHOICE.
Taking into consideration that “carrying a MUMMY chip on your shoulder” = Impacts on your life,
where you decide to be a VICTIM = My mother did not love me syndrome.
This impacts on your balance as a human being. Once highlighted, you can decide to PUT it down and
just embrace Yourself with LOVE and Learn to LOVE life.
Learn to grow from every painful experience. Love, Bless, Forgive them and YOU!
Learn to become an empowered PERSON! Say NO! F*&^% it.
Learn to become amazing despite…your Mother.
Learn to be the best of YOU!
Learn that you deserve LOVE.
You deserve A awesome life.
You are worth it and ENOUGH.
Realizing that SOME Mothers are just as good as a SPERM donour. Thanks for the egg MOM!
There is a positive approach to overcoming the mother chip, JUST DECIDE TO!
Most of all LOVE, ACCEPT, Choose to Nurture you, choose to Flourish, Grow,
learning to express every emotion you feel, becoming a happy and wholesome you.
Society – Says subdue you. We are often talked out of our feelings when we cry,
when we hurt, when we feel pain, but I say feel it but don’t get locked into it,
Cultivate with your CHOICE a space of Happiness, JOY, Laughter, Dancing = Madness.
Life is serious yes! BUT! you can decide to have joy and fun with it.
Don’t let anyone steal your JOY! Keep at it.
In two months (or less), we’re moving house. Physically the move is not far or big, but conceptually and spiritually, it’s mammoth. We’re giving up four bedrooms, three bathrooms and 200 square meters of floor space, and bundling our little family into a one-roomed house of 70 square meters. Our new house has yet to be completed. It stands on a bare hillside with the wind whistling through the rafters. It has no electricity, no water, and *gasp* no internet. In my mind, where the future is rosy and prosperous with material things, this house is brimming with comfort and character, with vegetable gardens and orchards and a shed and a garage and bedroom extensions and a cow fence and something beautiful laid over its current concrete slab. In the world, this house waits to be built by the force of my own will and grit and power. I stand on the empty hillside, dry brown grass falling at my feet to the valley below, and know deep inside that I’m finally growing up. Already thirty years old, with a baby of my own, I’m walking forward into the unknown, hacking away at the expectations and defaults of others. I’m following my heart, even when it seems to make little sense. I feel the shift inside as something painful but cleansing. As the collection of tiny changes click into place, slowly turning the hidden into something visible, I hear new refrains beating in my thoughts. I used to ask, ‘What is easiest?’ Now I ask, ‘What is right?’ I have learnt that a life that is easy cannot be beautiful, just as I’ve learnt that a life that is not messy cannot be real. I move forward with no map to guide me, only a growing set of principles: to seek out that which is meaningful, to live ethically, and to be generous. These (and my shrinking home base) lead one activity above all to dominate my days: decluttering.
About six months ago I read about the Konmari method – a minimalist approach which advises us to keep only that which brings us joy. Jitter berry, the Australian blogger who introduced me to Konmari, has taken this a step further. She says much might bring us joy, but what can we actually manage? She exhorts us to keep only what we can manage responsibly, and with joy. To live the lives of meaning and affluence as advertised by Geshe Roach in The Diamond Cutter, we must be scrupulous. This demands of us a gargantuan effort. We enable ourselves by pruning away the unnecessary: in our possessions, in our schedules, in our hearts.
While my days are filling with boxes and dustballs, I sought out help in a spiritual spring clean from Colleen at the Midlands House of Healing*. During our session, my mind was cut adrift from its usual plans and lists. As Colleen’s hands pushed harder and longer, I found myself wondering at the changes in this healer, which I could feel even though I could not understand them. She told me later of a reiki attunement she had performed on a student of hers. Reiki is a Japanese form of energy healing which harnesses life force for the purposes of healing. Colleen’s last training marked the 46th time she has opened this kind of channel. Each one has changed her in profound and irrevocable ways. It seems life is not made for standing still and change is not something we can escape. To look it square in the eye entails sloughing off the old. This is a task to be undertaken with love, clarity and kindness. That which surrounds us – our past, our possessions, our memories – are not mistakes. Nor are they steps en route to perfection or another as yet undisclosed destination. They form the collections of a lifetime, and they are important pieces of who we are. But they are too heavy to carry forward. The way is steep, knotted with brambles and paved with loose scattered shale. In order to walk this path we must let go of what we no longer need. Because joy awaits us. Joy and meaning and purpose. They lie there like secret treasure…hidden in our clutter.
*To receive help from Colleen, call or message her on 084 603 0604, or check out her website.
P l e a S u r e !
We run from it. We hide from it.
But we need it.
The pleasure of having a spinach pie with gravy and chips, when hungry.
The pleasure of a multiple orgasm.
The pleasure of a funny book.
The pleasure of a good movie.
The pleasure of a home cooked meal.
The pleasure of music playing.
Pleasure. It is a part of our spirit, to have Love, Joy, Happiness, Pleasure.
We eat healthy, we drink the green juice for life but NOTHING prevents us from dying.
Death is the end! For now, I choose to live.
Living to me is Loving my life.
Loving me, Accepting me, as is.
Finding Pleasure makes it all possible. I cannot just be the “good”, because
a part of me wants the “bad”, the
eating of chocolate, because I am human.
Pleasure is never bad.
Pleasure is somehow part of who we are, HUMAN!
I stood frozen. I knew I had to remove my clothes and
but I didn’t know that 2 strangers, 2 men would massage me.
I was scared. I felt vulnerable, exposed. My Teacher looked into
my eyes and said,
a body is a body,
Colleen, take off your clothes, and get on with it.
Naked, I lay on the table, clinging to my sarong.
Breast exposed. Scars exposed, fat rolls exposed.
The feeling of four hands, warm hands, loving, nurturing, oiling my body.
Four hands finding the contours of my body.
(My first Hawaiian lomi lomi course)
I loved it. I floated away. I trusted my body to heal, to feel the love, I relax. I surrendered.
I didn’t mind that my body was imperfect, I didn’t mind being naked in the courses
I did afterwards. I actually loved the freedom, of no clothes, just me feeling free.
Society conditions us that nakedness = sex or implies a sexual experience, but
in reality, it doesn’t. Sometimes we need to get naked to the heal parts of our spirit,
to heal with a deeper acceptance of ourselves.
To feel completely brainless and at ease after a massage, not knowing my name
or drooling with pleasure.
Pleasure, we run from it, but it is what makes life worth it.
We are headed to death, some slower, some faster.
The pleasure of loving yourself, living your spirit, having the human pleasure
of ecstacy in life, is also truth.
May you explore yourself. Your levels of pleasure, nakedness and life.
Explore the emotional bliss of having two people massage you.
Explore the pleasure of being touched, deeper than your skin.
Explore who you are, find and love yourself, deeper.
We need to be free, to be ourselves, in so doing we find a deeper happiness within.
I place my hand upon your body, it tells a story.
I know you, I feel your spirit.
It speaks of fear, a longing, a tale. It speaks of aches deep within, scars hidden away,
maybe a lost child, maybe a longing for your lover. It speaks. Sometimes you hear it,
sometimes it subdued by life’s needs, it keeps talking.
I feel the memories, The past, The present, The future. I see the path.
I feel the pain, the unhealed scars, the hurt, I remove it, I ask your body to heal, to be loved and whole again.
The pattern is created, a pathway of pain which should be love.
I try, I push, I stir, I hold your hand to feel the pain but choose to show you LOVE.
The darkened areas, hide the truth, you hide from. I turn on the light, I let the love in.
I See the darkness, I am not afraid, I ve lived with it, now, I choose the LIGHT, the Love, the
Highest good, the Love path.
I know you need to choose it, but the pain grabs hold of your heart and you turn away.
I know you, I know your spirit, I knew you when you first walked, the first time you breathed
in the womb, I know its hard, but choose Love, choose you because I know you.
Ive seen your tears, heard your cries, I know you want to heal because your hearts says you will.
I wait for you to see what I see, a shinning you.
A whole you.
A you so loved that you become more of you.
I know you, and I wait.
In the last 10 months, we have had house guest every month, up to 3 people at a time,
people who want to enjoy the energy, the wifi, the space, the being taken care of.
We’ve had to provide nutrition (food), healthcare (take them to the doctor), optometrist,
counselling, parenting and the like. I feel its time for some grounding rules, to avoid
drama and friendship termination!
- If you ask advice, we will give you advice, if you receive it in an angry manner, this will not work out well for you.
- Keep your shit – ie, clothes, laptop, phone, stuff in your room. Scattering it in the home, bathroom, front lawn, front porch is not acceptable, this is not a market.
- Dirty dishes, belong in the sink, not on the floor, not on the table, not scattered everywhere, leaving food, crumbs, left overs everywhere is also not acceptable. Dishes belong in the sink, put it there, and do them. I hate cleaning up after people, so if you continue this, my eject button will be pushed.
- When you wake up, know that between 5am and 7am is Colleen time. I do yoga, I meditate, I go for a walk, I don’t want to listen to you dig the honey out of the bottle, or be asked a stupid question, which I explained yesterday. YOUR moods, emotions, grumpiness, anger, negative amplified emotions in my space does NOT work for me. I love silence and when you keep trying to piss me off, you certainly will succeed.
- Being clean is as essential as wiping your own ass. Bath, Shower, Use soap and deodorant, I do not want to smell you before I see . So wash please, everyday, and I mean everyday. Wash your body and your clothes, don’t wait a week to do laundry and wear your clothes until, it pongs. We will gladly lauder your dirty clothes, which we do.
- Observe where shit goes. It isn’t difficult. Plates go with plates. Knives, forks, spoons have a place and space, know where to pack stuff, don’t leave it for me. I don’t want to have to tell you tomorrow again.
- Manners : Meaning please, thank you, appreciation are all aspects of being a GOOD house guest. If you respect me and my space, if you treat it with none, I will pack your shit for you and ask you to leave. NOT negotiable.
- Self love: Practising self love is your journey. If you have a toe fungus, a ring worm on your ass, you ve had a cold for weeks which now turns into brochitus. I can give you meds to help, but you need a doctor to sort out this with antibiotics. Take care of yourself and make a appointment with the doctor, I will happily give you the telephone number and contact. This is your responsibility! not mine.
- Laziness : I dislike lazy people! I dislike lazy people! If you offer to help and then fold your hands when I chop wood, it will grate my carrot. If you want to live a spiritual life, it takes discipline, hard work, dedication everyday, if not, go live a 5 sensory life of eat, drink, F8ck! and be merry. I will not be repairing your body then, no thanks.
- Feelings: Anger, depression, sadness are all part of HUMAN emotions. Take OWNERSHIP of your emotions, DONT take it out on others, by amplifying it and trying to stir others! Go for a walk, practise forgiveness, love, and blessings.
- Sort your Shit out! if you are homeless, it is for a reason. If you have no money, go waiter. If you have no home, make a plan to acquire one, don’t live off others, ie. us and be ungrateful. If you make a point of being a pain in the ass, relying on others, being a victim, your gonna be homeless and hungry.
- Common Decency : Slot in with whats happening in the home. If we are preparing to eat or cook, don’t just show up for meals then disappear to enjoy a movie on your laptop with our wifi. Wifi is a luxury, our luxury which we share, to be used wisely, not until 1am in the morning.
- Eating : Being of good nature, I happily give smoothies, vitamins, juices in the morning, it is part of our routine. If you are a FUSSY eater, who eats a banana with a serviette, or when I ask would you like mayonnaise on your burger and answer, only a little, but then takes the jar and spoons the mayonnaise on your burger, this will not end well. The same goes for HONEY, Peanut Butter and the like.
- Don’t scare the cats, this is their home.
- When you have been asked to leave after 7 days of free food, free accommodation, having your laundry done, having meals on time, free wifi, free treatment, free vitamins, free everything and been irritating and annoying, throw a drama tantrum with tears and emotions, but do leave and never return again. Thank you.
I started on this healing journey, I started with Reiki, then massage now
counselling/ psychotherapy. What I am learning is that a combining of
intuition, clairvoyance, empath qualities, healing knowledge and counselling is so
interesting. Sometimes we cannot see or feel the wounds within the mind and the psyche.
Sometimes the wounds run so deep, we need to slowly work our way to the beginning of the
trauma, grief, divorce, hurt, depression = all part of life.
I have started doing some Reiki/ Counselling sessions, the effects are healing and wholesome.
I realize it is good to have knowledge, but it is also good to keep growing and learning a new perspective.
Counselling is accepting every human being as they are, for every person to grow without restriction,
total freedom and equality, to be themselves, without hindrance or conditioning from anyone.
Just digesting that takes a moment, to realize we have all been conditioned by
Parents, School, Religion, Society, Friends, Siblings, Girlfriends / Boyfriends.
We have all explored Love, Hurt, heart break and realize that on some level we need to heal.
Counselling is not an exact science but long term effects impact lives, and by changing one person,
they affect other people around them.
Shifting your consciousness more to awareness, positivity, enlightenment and growth,
than staying in the same old tired anxious pattern of negativity.
Interesting? Makes you think hey!
Have a warm Wednesday!
How to find a partner? Husband? Wife? Lover?
In this day and age of Technology, Tinder, Whats app, Facebook, Twitter,
what we TYPE holds an emotion, combine this with the female brain of expecting something
amazing, we are prepared for either BLISS or Doom with heart break.
I can only speak from my experience of being a woman, of having experienced heartbreak
a few times. NOW! I have become a warrior, I speak up, I be myself 100%.
What You see, is what you get. BUT I digress.
Here is your how to?
- Clean out your home, wallet, your car, your space, get rid of anything that does not serve your highest good.
- Get rid of any items from your ex, write down the anger, burn the page, MOVE on.
- Make a list of what you want in a man : 2.1 Intelligent, Laughter, Smiling, Fun, a Excellent LOVER (willing to train a newbie also), 50 orgasms a session, a Social person, a helper, a fixer, a cook, a sounding board for myself.
- Go on dates. Meet other friends, seek out your new partner.
- Write your I want list and put rose quartz around it and imagine meeting the person daily.
- KNOW that social media – texting is NOT real. Relationships are grown with REAL emotions, not emoticons, Not Fake hugs, NOT “play”tales of untruths on it. You need body language, mannerisms, someones voice, to truly form a bond.
- Be aware of the risk of meeting ONLINE. Always meet in a public place when you do.
- Make sure you DONT want to change anyone to Suit You or fix or mother them.
- Ensure you are Like Minded, into the same stuff. If your a vegetarian – make sure he will tolerate your habits as a veggie eater, ensure his considerate, it will be a Pain in the ass, if he doesn’t.
- Living a spirit filled life, if you practise Yoga, Awareness, Spirit, Reiki, massage and he doesn’t, in this case different doesn’t work because he ll just think your weird. You are ok, being weird.
- Know your Self worth. Remember to practise : Don’t judge, Speak your truth, don’t blame or assume, don’t take anything personally.
- Speak Up, don’t conform to just NOT hurtíng his feelings, remember your are trying to build a relationship, not a friendship. The sooner you address things, the better.
- We all have likes and dislikes, ensure that you both can compensate equally.
- Be strong in who you are. Part of a relationship is 1 part Friendship, 2 part a great sexual attraction. Ensure that you get both as a woman. Don’t have sex to soon, investigate him for at least a year before you embark on a sexual and energetical sharing because there is NO going back, you ll have a connection forever.
- Remember people lie. If you drink water, eat healthy, refrain from alcohol, your vibration is HIGHER than most, be aware that you are different and that you can be PICKY and choosy. Always check what their 5 year plan is.
- Protect your heart. Do not give it to anyone. Its like giving your life force away and wishing they don’t break your heart. Love but be detached. Love but be wise. Love but don’t be naiive. Love but be aware.
I joined a yoga class just over a month ago. As my limbs stretched out and my joints opened, I remembered an old friendship with my body. Motherhood had come along two years before and turned my dear friend into a vessel, fertile ground for the growing of another. This interloper let us drift slowly apart, my old friend and me. As my daughter settled into toddlerhood, it became easier to leave the house for snatches of time. I sought out a community to help me start up a yoga practice again. I bought class passes at bulk discount. I went once a week, then twice. The excitement of an old friendship rekindled shot adrenalin through my veins. I wanted to achieve, to grow, to stretch. I wanted to capture a tiny piece of who I used to be. I didn’t bother to find out who my body had become. I pushed through her discomfort and used the class as an arena for competition. I overpowered my body, smothered her with affection and my memories of who she was. And it response she broke. My muscles tore and my bones creaked. Still I didn’t stop. What I thought was love was a desperate race after an image held in my mind alone.
It ended with two weeks of flu and a lingering cough. My body had to shout for me to hear her over my manic nostalgia. It wasn’t a new scenario for me, but one I paid more attention to than usual. I have always considered myself rather good at change. I adapt like a chameleon, letting my identity blend with the requirements of each new setting. Yet I have grown more courageous of late (parenting will do that to you), and I pried a little deeper. I realized I launch myself into change with abandon, because rushing headlong allows little time to make acquaintance with my fears. I had thought that moving toward my fears was facing my challenges head-on. There is some truth in this. My strategy has lead to a life painted in colorful bold strokes. But also a slight of hand. I jump to say yes! so that no never gets a chance. I commit with all my heart so that I will never have to inspect the shadows. But they don’t leave. They merely grow in neglect, until they shuffle under the spotlight as ill health or neurosis or obstacles. True courage knows more than rushing in. It knows also the slow torturous path, feeling every pebble and brush of wind.
As co-director of our family business, I felt drawn to re-read the book The Diamond Cutter by Geshe Michael Roach around the same time as I was laid low by flu. A few years ago I attended a talk by this Buddhist monk. He is an American man who through decades of devotion and study has attained the title of ‘geshe’. He spoke to us of an ancient Buddhist text, The Diamond Cutter. He explained how to achieve personal and financial success through the development of integrity. Reading his words over the last month has fanned the flame of change within me. He showed me that it’s not enough to just do ‘alright’, or be a ‘good enough’ kind of person. Our brief spell upon this earth is made meaningful only by a disciplined unrelenting effort to grow spiritually and help those around us. He encourages me to put my life under the microscope, and examine each speck and stain. He makes it clear that this is no quick fix, and that this journey once started, is never over, until it finally and irretrievably is.
Last weekend I held my first Maths Play workshop for adults. It was a beautiful morning of sharing and creation and play. We pulled down barriers to our creativity and felt our way towards a new kind of learning and living. It was inspirational to be in a group of like-minded supportive women, each seeking to revolutionize their own patch of earth. In our discussions we highlighted the obstacles we face, and the hazy nature of our goals. To abandon the model we’ve received, to let go of the habits of who we’ve become, means we erase all visions of our future. We switch off the lights and leave ourselves fumbling in the dark. One of the women advised me that we walk forward ‘softly softly’. This condition creates something beautiful of the blackness. It turns ignorance into awareness, and a keen sight for what is, rather than what we think should be.
Colleen of the Midlands House of Healing*, who sponsored this post, epitomizes the philosophy of ‘softly softly’. The approach to her home is lined with trees whose dappled sunlight lies across the road. Mountains stand watch in the distance and all around the only sounds are those of nature’s gentle dance. With a warm hug, a wide smile and healing hands, Colleen takes me to a state of bliss. After, she points out the damage I have wrought on my body. She gently explains the hostility of my actions. And she makes it okay to be flawed and confused and somewhere indeterminate on the road to healing. Most of what she does is hidden. While my eyes are closed and my body unwinds, she unlocks closed doors, coaxing out pain and secrets. The work she starts continues well beyond her table. She leads with incense and stones and sacred sounds. Her touch is gentle because she understands pain. She understands that it is something that we will never escape, but that with which we might become friends. Dedication to truth and health requires no less. There is no other way to reach these gods, yet the pain of awareness can send us running, or into violence, both of which bring much greater pain in the end. Colleen understands that we will never be healed. Without instruction or coercion she manages to point out the winding path toward wholeness. The road is there beneath my feet. I have no answers. But I know that today, now, I can take the next step. Softly softly.
*Call or message Colleen on 084 6030 604 to book a session with her to receive her support in your own unique journey. The image featured on this post is from the road to her home outside Howick. The trip there alone is a catalyst to healing, and a reminder that nature herself works for the most part with slow hidden dedication, creating in the end, a world of beauty and goodness.
The world of the warriors is the world of trying.
We try to change the world that we don’t like, and we keep trying, and trying and trying,
and the war looks endless. In the dream of the warriors, we are in a war, but that war is not against
other people. It has nothing to do with the outside dream. The whole thing is happening inside our
mind. Its a war against the part of our mind that makes all the choices that guide us into personal hell.
It’s a war between the authentic self and what we call the tyrant, the big Judge, the book of law, the belief system. It’s a war between ideas, between opinions, between beliefs. I also call it the war of the gods because all thse ideas fight for dominion of the human mind. And just like the gods of antiquity, they claim a human sacrifice.
The 5th Agreement : By Don miquel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz with Janet Mills
Learning? this seems to be my endless journey of life. Growing, Learning. Sorting.
Realizing. Thinking. doing. Acting. Rectifying. Forgiving. Saying I am sorry. Being Grateful. awareness.
What’s been happening?
Reiki Attunement : no. 46 :
I have been teaching a beautiful spirit Reiki Level 1 : This means I am energetically connected
to this person for +- 6 weeks, I protect, nurture, highlight issues and carry their karma,
which means I feel their pain, I sleep when they sleep. I feel their deep soul yearnings.
Sometimes, its good and sometimes not. This is the path of a Teacher, you roll with the punches
and know that in a blink of an eye, it will be over, and you can see the Greater good, that’s why I do it.
I have been performing distance healing for various people in Cape town and Jhb.
I have found that people forget, that we are energy beings. If you share bodily fluids ie.
kissing, oral sex, sex, sexual intercourse, there is a connection, which you need to CUT off with a
Stainless steel knife : front, back, side, top and under feet – of your aura. Smudge to cleanse your
aura. If unusual things exist, go for a healing / or psychic reiki removal of that person.
If you are living a spirit filled life, and you sleep with someone who is not, well be prepared
to feel like Sh*t. Your vibration is HIGHER than theirs, so they will happily take your energy.
Meditate, reiki, go for walks and avoid this scenario, if you can. The price is to high to pay….
Embracing your pain, called disappointment :
This is one of the things I struggle with, D I s a ppointment = I expect people to be good people.
I expect people to kind, loving, genuine, truthful, good soul people, BUT more and more, I find this is NOT
the case. I have encountered “horrible” people which breaks my heart, which disappoints me and
it takes a while for my heart to heal. Why? I am learning to keep blessing, forgiving, releasing those that are
negative. I am learning to say NO and mean it. I am learning to withdraw my energy from those who are NOT
on the same wave length, lifestyle, or spiritual vibration because, You’ll get tired of the
moaning, complaining, negative vibrations = drama. These type of situations, makes one loose your joy, your love for life and your happiness. Sometimes, it brings forth a deep lesson, where you need to stand up and say no more.
Or Just refrain from these types of scenarios, become selfish. Reaffirm who and what you are with LOVE
and Gratitude, then journey on…
My last 2 interns have been BIG learning curves for me.
Teaching these interns to be responsible, spiritual adults, like raising kids from scratch.
Basics of socialising, living with others, basic considerations of life and responsibility.
Even basic CONTRACEPTION!
Basics of discipline and self care. It has been nothing short of interesting, learning about
my limits of being a Teacher. I realized that I become a Mother, Teacher, Sorta outa,
Doctor, healer in these scenarios. Every intern came with a BUCKET of Stuff to sort, which
does get sorted out.
I keep growing in my self awareness and see what I keep reflecting.
I am becoming a hobbit, loving my space, my silence, my ability to create more, to tap into the
Universal energy to learn more and observe more.
I met Jenna, +- 3 years ago. She was a graphic designer, working for Granny Mouse in the Midlands,
she does social medial/ graphic designing for corporate companies. I think I saw Jenna once for
a massage/ reiki session, to repair her body. After which, she had transitioned to becoming her own
boss. She then worked from home, and got to spend time with Rachel (her daughter),
she got into gardening, running and brush cutting the lawn.
She shared the special breakfast time with Chris in the morning, which was sweet!
The next time I saw Jenna was when we agreed to do an exchange for a blog / a treatment per month.
I got to know Jenna well. We journeyed together, we did a 10 week Kahuna massage journey,
Jenna married Chris, Jenna went on honeymoon and when she returned, we discussed the pros and cons
of having a new baby! I was excited, I said LETS do IT!
We got JENNA into a happy space of creating, lifting her vibration, she ate a well balanced diet,
she was fit! tanned, healthy, sexually active and ready!
Weeks later! it happened! Owen was created. We journeyed together once again,
discussing different issues of pregnancy, OWEN, was already growing feisty, fiery, warrior like,
every week growing more and more, Loving the monthly treatments of REIKI and Massage,
while his mom slept soundly on the massage bed.
This week 4 weeks after a special labour of only 4 hours, the baby was calm, Mom was calm,
all went well. (I did a birthing preparation)
I met Owen for the first time, what an amazing experience.
Firstly, he recognised me, he held my hand and we connected.
For the first half of his Moms massage, he slept, HOWEVER,
the second half, the only space he wanted was to lie in her arms and receive REIKI himself.
This was such a magical day and experience, very few words would actually describe these
moments. This is what makes what I do, so magical, out of this world and what
most dare to do.
Jenna has regained her body, she is in good health. Owen is magical,
and very authentic, real, true.
I know this journey will continue with Jenna, Owen and Rachel and Chris, as a family.
They have all grown a special place in my heart, they are such an amazing family.
Now, we are journeying, as Jenna a new mom, she is gentler, nurturing, inspired
and become this new aspect of herself.
Well Done! Jenna. I am in awe.
Thank you! Let us continue journeying together….
Over the last 18 years, I have encountered and journeyed with many women.
Women who have gone from SINGLE, to engaged, To married and now with kids.
Every woman seeks to be loved, LONGS for that partner to fulfil her life on every level,
to sweep her off her feet. Sometimes the person we chose is based on attraction, but
woman cannot live on LOVE and Sex alone.
At the age of 21, I started thinking about the MR RIGHT for me.
I made a list : List are my thing, it encourages me to be SPECIFIC and
I ask “GOD”or the UNIVERSE for what I needed :
- I needed a man that respects woman, someone who could be my helper.
- A creative man, with an eye for detail, colour and decorating.
- I need a man with skills of cooking and flavour, because I had none.
- He needed to be strong, not just physically, but emotionally because I
was /am a pain in the ass.
- I needed a good teacher of Life. A good driver, to teach me.
- A skilled man with LIFE experience. eg. Chop wood, give me advice.
- A partner to share my mad skills with and to be my MacGyver, as at that stage, I was clumsy and broke a lot of household items. EG. car handles, shower heads, etc.
- I needed someone to care for me, when I get sick.
- I needed a good lover, friend, partner, someone I COULD RELY ON, 100%.
- I NEEDED to trust him with my life, and I do.
- I needed to share laughter, fun, life, mishaps, every aspect of life.
- I needed someone to do laundry, as back then, I didn’t do laundry, so he volunteered.
- I needed to be me, free! 150%.
I made this list, not knowing all of what life brings, but knowing, I needed a strong-willed
fiery, NON-BORING, man who would be there for me unconditionally.
I write this blog, asking woman to STAND up, for what you want, refrain from
being a VICTIM of life or your partner.
If you want appreciation, ask for it.
If you want great sex, ask for it.
If you share a business, make sure you get paid.
YOU make the rules, don’t be afraid to be who you are, a woman warrior.
Woman have ruled tribes, raised families, run business’s, and we keep all of it,
TOGETHER! we are it…..
Accept the responsibility for your life and for your choices.
If your partner is not what you want, either ask for CHANGE or
CUT ties and MOVE on.
Life is short, don’t spend a minute being Unhappy!
LIVE your life, by your choices.
The other evening, I watched a movie called Hector and his search for happiness.
It much resembled my own search for happenis! Why do I keep spelling it happenis? watch
the movie and see!
My pursuit for happiness, has taken me down the rabbit hole of religion, corporate jobs,
weight loss, weight gain, exercise, new clothes, new hair do, all of which never fulfilled the
hole within myself.
What has fulfilled and satisfied me is what I do, I assist others to heal which is the most
amazing thing to experience everyday.
I will share some aspects of pursuing your Happiness!
- Never avoid being unhappy, own your feelings. If you are sad, be sad. If you are happy be happy.
- Living is being joyful, kind, loving, protective of yourself, so be it, don’t wait for permission.
- Self acceptance : I love myself and I honour what I feel and Do, in the same way, be true to yourself, in whatever you choose.
- Enjoy food, share your home, love your family (from a distance, like me) enjoy being yourself.
- Take care of your own. If you have a partner, care, share, nurture, look after your partner, life is short, do your best for them.
- Know LOVE : Really know love, have as many orgasms as you like. Have sex in weird places, I have, and the most uncomfortable is the beach….go figure our why….
- You are obligated to be happy. Happiness is an inside job. Everyday I cultivate this feeling of bliss. I exercise, I eat chocolate (dark of cause), I enjoy tea, I create, I play with my sound instruments, I think of new things. I act, I do, I have, I be me….
- I visualize what my day should be like and I do it…. . I enjoy Music.
- Be alive, have passion, be joyfilled, smile, laugh, giggle, share your joy.
- Be happy, for now you hold all the cards of creating your life, be happy! content, filled with gratitude for living.
- LOVE your body : All of your imperfections count for you, but don’t let it, enjoy every part of you.
- I give you permission to be you. Life is short. Go enjoy it.
- When you are happy, let NO ONE and I mean NO ONE! steal it with offers of creating your dream or doing a collaboration, I speak from Experience here, Stay with your happiness, and gladly say NO! thank you. I am good.
I have been my own boss for 9 years.
In these 9 years, I have had to learn to NOT overwork my body, mind and spirit.
Part of the learning was dealing with brochitus 3 times a year, making peace with
being born with asthma and changing my life and diet accordingly.
Overworking was part of my being, it was the normal stature of being. I used to
work 18 hours a day, I was driven, dedicated, ambitious, crazy.
It made lots of money for the company,
but I was left overweight, unhappy, imbalanced and
on the brink of cracking.
Some of the lessons, I will share with you, not to be feared, but I believe knowledge is the KEY
to making wise decisions for you…..
- SAY NO! As a healer, I have people request time and space and appointments, yes….but If I don’t prepare a week in advance, to receive the wisdom from the Spiritual realm, the treatment is not as effective. I might miss something, so I say NO! and keep me happy.
- Don’t people Please! It is a naïve thought to people please, to keep others happy, it is a deceptive custom.
- People must choose to be happy, within themselves. I cannot make you happy, You cannot make me happy.
- Being in Business means being self disciplined with your time. If you wanted to work all the time, go get a job. You actually want a quality of life. Read a book when you want to. Crochet. Write. Have fun. Watch series. Snooze everyday. Quality of life, is not measured by the money in your bank account.
- Calculate how many hours you need to work, to live the life you want to have. Paying bills = Rent, Food, Water, Electricity, Groceries, Petrol are all part of what you need. So ensure your needs are covered. Work at that goal, per week.
- Fear / Stress / Anxiety / Worry = When you give into these emotions, there is no turning back. It is NOT loving, Self nurturing or uplifting, so stop getting negative on yourself and then self sacrificing you, to work harder and not smarter.
- Working Smarter : is being professional yes, providing a good service, doing your best and Trusting in the UNIVERSE to provide you with what you need. Ie. All your BILLS.
- Wake up early = 5am or earlier, take the time to pray, meditate, do yoga, and go for a walk, I cannot stress this more. When you are grounded and fit, you are able to be in a creative space of doing.
- LOVE what you do and affirm it everyday! Be happy and content that you are doing your best. The moment you become bitter, angry, resentful = STOP! and take a break.
- The whole point of being your own boss is YOU make the RULES! You choose to work when you do and enjoy it. You choose to have fun, laugh, be joyful and be present with what you do, otherwise, you get a job and be miserable and unhappy like most people.
- PUT on your big girl panties, and realize you make the rules and you decide, your attitude determines where you are going what you are doing.
- Divine synchronicity happens, when you are calm, happy, and in the flow of LIFE!
Feeling lost? Maybe you need a Inspired session with me, by all means, book! email@example.com / Whats app 084 603 0604
I learnt from a young age, that I could feel and internalise another person’s pain,
emotions and feelings.
How to deal with these emotions and feelings takes some dedication and filtering.
- Daily grounding : Ensure you ground yourself to the earth, Imagine growing roots to the sky. Imagine a white light and blue shield around your body.
- Diet : Ensure you have a very high nutritional diet, take vitamins, drink smoothies and raw juices everyday. Fill your diet with very high energy : natural chi : Fruits and vegetables.
- Drink lots of water, kombucha, fruit juice low in sugar.
- Eat Food made with Love : stir fries, rice, curries, delicious home made food.
- Reduce the amount of external toxins in your diet : fizzy drinks, alcohol, tobacco, sugar but do keep the balance for yourself. Have treats regularly….chocolate….
- Exercise : Go for long walks, exercise with weights, do yoga, be as healthy as you can be.
- Be the dodger : Dodge – negative situations and people, so you don’t instinctively absorb their pain/ issues.
- Take daily coarse salt/ Epson salt baths to cleanse you.
- Wear gemstone crystals : obsidian, tourmaline, hematite, pietersite crystals to protect you.
- If you are going into a crowded area : prepare yourself, take rescue remedy.
- Your Body is your greatest vessel, to keep healthy and Connected to Your Higher self.
- Reiki yourself daily, have a relationship with yourself and the Universe.
- Being an empath, means you are a born healer, venture down the road of becoming one. Learn reiki or massage or any other modality for healing.
- Your feelings within yourself, you are your greatest receptor, place rosequartz under your bed and hematite so you can sleep better.
- Acquire a stainless steel knife to cut energy cords from others daily.
- Learn the art of staying in your own skin, keep focused.
- Don’t save anyone, save yourself first.
- Stay in your SKIN! Not my madness and not my monkeys. KEEP your energy close.
- Be happy and content, don’t try to convince others to be or try to make them.
- Silence is what feeds your soul, take daily time out for yourself.
- Do what you love yes, the money does follow.
- Be disciplined about how you use your energy and why.
- Exercise self love everyday, I love myself enough to …. NOT get involved or absorb their negative energy.
- Gratitude : Exercise gratitude everyday. I am thankful for. . . my home, my car, my food, my living in Abundance.
- Sometimes not getting what you want, is the best thing for you. LIVE in alignment with your highest good.
If I treated my grandmother to Spur or take out, she would complain,
I mean really complain, about how the food has no love, no nurturing,
no flavour. She would return home hungry, angry and frustrated.
I misinterpreted this as her being unappreciative, but now years later, I understand.
Due to my sensitive nature, having just done my 46th Reiki Attunement
with a Level 1 Student,
I want the good stuff.
I need food made with LOVE, every flavour telling a story, every vegetable handled with
love and care! I also need the person who makes my food, to be in a good mood,
your intention goes into creating food,
your energy and your vibration. (Go research DR EMOTO)
In 2008, I visited an Ashram for my birthday in Pondicherry, I had a simple meal,
curry sauce, rice, a piece of bread and a banana. It was the most delicious meal ever!
Why, it was blessed, people chanted over the food and it was delicious.
In the same way! I want to eat amazing food,
taste amazing dishes, filled with LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Creating food with LOVE, starts with an Intention. To nurture, TO love, To fulfil and satisfy,
a soul yearning with Amazing food.
This is why I’m a foodie. . . . . . .
I will keep sharing food, made with LOVE, made from scratch
because…I love it. . . . .
I haven’t done a chatty catch up post in a while (is it just me or does every blog post by every blogger start off like this these days? Sorrreeee.) so here’s a little of what I’ve been getting up to lately. I’ve just returned (with a cold to prove it) from a whirlwind ten days in KZN. It’s always quite a thing returning to your childhood home, especially when it’s the same place where you met and married your partner and lived in for a little while in your adulthood. Returning to the Midlands gives me that weird feeling you get when you’re at home, but feel homesick for some place you’ve never been… have you ever felt like that? And you’re all like, but why am I homesick?? I’m AT home! And I haven’t even been gone for that long anyway… perhaps in my head I’d left ages ago. Amongst the hen party and wedding madness, I managed to spend some very special quality time with my family and explore a bit. I even went for a run, which I’m still super-gloaty about, because who ever goes for runs when they’re away? Olympic athletes, that’s who.
First on my agenda was a massage with Colleen at Midlands House of Healing. If you’ve followed me and my blog for a while, you will know how much I adore visiting this earth angel. This is literally no one in Cape Town or anyone in the world, for that matter, that I’ve come across who can give a massage like she can. It’s not long into my sessions that I’m floating away in a state of bliss and I really, really miss my monthly meetings and massages with Colleen. She is now located on the Karkloof road out of Howick and if you are lucky enough to live in the area, I urge you to visit her. Your body and soul will thank you!
http://wearethewildflowers.co.za/black-coffee/ – Click to read more….
After several years of training in yoga and meditation, I started to believe that I could do it on my own. When we moved back to South Africa, various factors (money, time, mothering) prevented me from seeking out a spiritual community. I thought I was fine. I was covering my bases physically and spiritually. Farm living would of course get me out and keep me active. Experience would suffice the rest. I knew the chants and breath counts. Of course I would put together my own sort of practice.
But I didn’t. I’ve began to realize that in some areas of my life, no matter how much I learn, I will always need help. I will always avoid the hard bits. And I need someone to gently steer me back to look at what I’d rather not. Along this journey of life the most sacred path we are tasked with walking is to know ourselves. Three years later and I’ve finally accepted that I’m a head girl. It’s my first port of understanding; it’s my comfort and my refuge. In my house, at the window, in my mind – these places draw me in and wrap around me like a cocoon. As an introvert I would like nothing more than the chance to be alone pretty much always. But life is not made to be comfortable. Good health (mental, physical and spiritual) is not free from pain. I know I will never neglect or fail to stimulate my mind. My body and heart on the other hand, scuttle into the shadows at the first sign of conflict. And I, standing alone, have no bait with which to lure them back into the light. I need help. I need ritual. And I need community.
Community and connection are two of the greatest deficiencies of our age. We must do what we can to fight for them in our lives. Now I drive half an hour to join a yoga class twice a week, and I drive over an hour once a month to visit my massage and energy therapist. These experiences are amongst my all-time favorites of the week/month, and yet, and yet. Each time I have to move past a kind of reluctance. Because these practices bring me into balance. And being in balance is painful. Because when we are in balance we must see the truth. There is nothing behind which to hide, only fully conscious exquisite presence in the moment.
Whatever you suffer from, whatever your drug of choice, wherever you choose to run, there are those who head to the same, and those who can draw you back. Colleen, my therapist*, and more recently my yoga teacher Margot, are my gurus. They are not mystical beings. There is nothing exalted about them, except their humanness. But they have talents where I have none, and they are willing to share them. Life is magical because there are gurus all about us, in every thing, and in ourselves. As your friendship with yourself grows, you can begin to engage in the rituals, and surround yourself with the community that helps you see and know that. Find your way to the light.
*This post was sponsored. Colleen at Midlands House of Healing is a shaman of the spirit who offers succor no matter your path. Her ministrations are gentle and loving, and most of all guided by intuition, which means she sees you, as you really are, not an idea of who you pretend to be, and she treats you as you require, not according to a rote procedure of steps pre-determined by someone who’s never met you. Namaste my fellow walkers.
What is Psychotherapy/ Counselling?
Psychotherapy covers the basic nature of being human.
Love, hate, birth, death, sexuality, power and the vast complexities which
sway the hearts of men and women.
What is the vision of Counselling or Coaching as a Life coach?
Every human being is of value and that it is important that every individual should be able
to develop his own personality in an unrestricted and complete way.
To be Free!
How does this influence being human?
Chemistry influences how people think and what people think,
influences how we are. How we think, so we are.
What can be addressed in a session?
Every aspect of being human.
Anxiety, depression, anger, addiction, changing you, growth.
Being more positive in your life.
Achieving goals. Staying focused in the now.
Grief. Divorce. Trauma. Fear. Sadness.
Birth. Abuse. Sexual abuse.
Want to book a session? Contact : Colleen van Heerden 084 6030 604
Before every single single person was immediately obtainable, the amount of ghosting, flakes, no shows, and related selfish behaviors never used to be this nasty. With 50 new matches at our fingertips each month, curiosity of each new possibility increases, while the value of just having one wonderful person decreases. We are addicted to instant gratification, instant ego stroking, while feeling no repercussions if we negatively affected someone else during the process. Just like any other type of addict, we are treating others like shit and acting like ass holes without even realizing it.
A time to embrace your humanity.
I have been re-assessing myself and where I am at?
What I still want to do with my life –
with grace, ease and synchronicity?
I definitely love the country side, I love the slow paced life of
living in tune with nature,
tapping into my “hippie” ness, which I am happy to do.
Being 40, has changed me, the switch of –
I don’t care, and I will only do what makes me happy
has been turned on.
I say NO! often, I have definitely, become more me, more selfish,
in the best possible way.
Winter brings forth a slower pace of life, the sun rises later,
the sun sets earlier, it gives us time
to drink milo or hot chocolate, to make warm fires,
to just nurture ourselves more.
I’ve decided to go with the flow, to trust in the
synchronicity of the Universe, to
embrace these aspects outside and inside of myself.
Take time to Breathe : Sit outside, …
absorb the sunlight, and take in the silence, and just be.
Have more fun! remove the stick from your
ass , let go of your serious self!
Laugh out Loud more!
Have more sex! Preferably in the morning!
It will change your day for sure.
Take time to cuddle, really cuddle,
hold your partners hands and feet and just absorb it.
Snooze : When you can : Snooze more, lie in, vegetate.
DANCE! at the drop of a hat! Dance. . Move your feet….
Sing! I often sing with musicians and even though
I sound bad. . . I do it anyway.
Decide to have fun! Do it. . . . It makes the world seem less serious.
Music – Play the old school classics, The Beach boys, Jackson 5, Sade.
Talk to your partner more : Take time to connect.
Decide to age well! like a good wine.
I realized I have waited all of my life to be older, to
me old means comfortable within myself,
loved, and such a character. I think I got it!
Freak your brain out! Decide to study, I was definitely freaked..
.having to make my brain work…..
with studying counselling and psychotherapy.
Shaked the cobwebs away.
No one can steal your love or your joy, so don’t let anyone.
Writing is such good therapy for me,
it tells my story. It makes me believe in magic
of life, it makes me feel more.
Embrace winter, it brings a different kinda magic!
Remember to dress warm, go Eskimo, if you need to . . . Enjoy all of it.
All my Love
Colleen – Soon to be a Life coach also . . . .