21st century : Sexual pleasure as a woman *Adult content*



I ask you to leave judging, blaming, shaming, accusing, taking

it personally, assuming at home, and read this blog as it is

intended with TRUTH, LOVE and OPENNESS for woman.


Men are visually stimulated. Females are emotionally stimulated.

Men have had a industry cater for their needs with porn, ladies of the night,

strippers, escorts, mistress’s, girlfriends, etc. for centuries.

For a woman, we don’t have a industry catering for our pleasure.

We have to create OUR PLEASURE.

We are all different, not one woman is the same, our vaginas are

different, unique, but we all seek love, compassion, intimacy,

friendship, loyalty, passion, desire, and mind blowing orgasms.

Most people believe that being spiritual means abstinence, however,

it is the opposite. Living a fully sexually stimulated life, you need to

be active, so Here we go…. (time to exercise your laughter)

  1. you need a GOOD LOVER : Learn about your partners body. Better yet, get to know your own body, flick your bean, so you learn about what you like and dislike.
  2. Wear sexy undies. Flirt with your partner. Keep the spark alive.
  3. Have sex regularly, 3 times a week : with yourself or with your partner at least.
  4. It is healthy to have sex, yes. So many people are sexually subdued and frustrated. A happy ending is good for everyone, be happy.
  5. Google is a good tool : Make sure you have a good porn stash, even if it is just to laugh your ass off.  Have fun together with your partner.
  6. Foreplay isn’t just when your lying in bed. It is walking pass your partner to steal a kiss. A pitch. A glance. A stare.  We are all sexual beings, lets enjoy the pleasure of it.
  7. Dress pretty or sexy or both – men are visual yes, but feeling good and looking good goes well together.
  8. Smile often : wear a dress. Walk around naked, be free. Enjoy your body and being physically naked.
  9. Some women put their vaginas away and become old hags who are sexually frustrated and dry. Don’t let it be you. Use it or loose it. Dried up puss puss’s are no fun. All they do is negative talk, complain, nag and become a bitter old sack of bones.  No thanks, that’s not for me. (I am sure you know a few)  Touch and Making Love is one of the pleasures of being HUMAN, denying this act is like burying a part of yourself in the backyard, hoping you won’t die. I say no thank you and YAK!  Life is for the living.
  10. Safe Sex, regular sex, magical sex, go hand in hand. Don’t use “it won’t happen to me” as a contraception, be wise condomise, use the pill, have a patch inserted in your arm. It is part of self love, to be responsible, so be it.
  11. Go for regular papsmears and check ups for your vajay jay, especially if you have more than 1 partner, just be safe.
  12. Using your body to have SEXUAL PLEASURE is fulfilling, enjoying, living, the most unique experience and fun that you can have with another human being, CONNECTION, ONENESS.  The after glow is magnificent. So if your sexually dormant, maybe its time to test the waters of pleasure, even if its just by yourself.
  13. I started visiting sex shops when I was 21, I usually leave them, shocked, laughing my head off and feeling  uncatered for. South African vibrators are not the nicest, it seems that USA has this market flooded, if you can get one, do plug it in at HOME! how else will you know what you like.
  14. Know yourself. Speak about what you need, sexually. Be well pleasured. Sated. Satisfied and Happy and most of all FREE!  to be whatever you choose or desire.





Fat People can Dance, Move, Live : Meet Amanda : A Kick Ass Dancer


I was browsing Instagram and found @amandalacount , aged 16

years old, who dances professionally, she moves her body and has broken so many stereo

types about Fat people.  I don’t like the term “fat” it is derogatory, just as

the words  “gay” or “black”, so I will call her Amanda a Kick Ass Dancer.


You can read about her and watch her video, she is very inspiring

at the age of 16, she has endured prejudice of all sorts, but continues

to live her dream and persue what she loves! I wrote to her and she sent me one of her

interviews. . .


 You can view the I Heart My Body video I am featured in here:


Hi Amanda!

> Thanks so much for agreeing to participate in this video! We really think it is going to have a huge impact on females across the globe. When you have a second, can you please send me your responses to the following questions:
> 1. Please give a brief bio of yourself.  I turned 16 on the 16th of Jan.!  I am from Fort Collins, Colorado where I was raised with my 6 brothers and sisters by my mom.  Dance is my passion and I started when I was 2 years old.
> 2. How did you get started in dance?  I started dancing when I was 2.  I had 2 older sisters that danced and I wanted to do it too!
> 3. How long have you been dancing? WOW!  It has been 14 years this month.
> 4. When did your career really take off?  Two years ago when I made the big move from Colorado to Los Angeles and I signed with Bloc Talent Agency, things really started to happen professionally for me.
> Another big break was when Matt Steffanina put me in a class video last year.  He has more followers on Youtube than any other dancer/choreograper in the world with over 5 million subscribers.  He put me in his “Dessert” video which has over 25 million views and over 75% of the comments are about me.  “The girl in the neon shoes.”  It led to Matt putting me on his TV show “Dance Off Juniors” last year.  This was also a turning point because I learned that I didn’t have to reply to any hater comments.  Whenever anyone posted anything bad, there would be a big group standing up for me just the way I am.  It felt great to know I had this support out there from people I had never even met.  This is when the negative comments quit making me feel bad. 😊
> 5. Have you encountered any negativity during your career? (Body shaming, gender bashing, etc.)  I had a performance at Taste of Soul with a hip hop crew “Latin Flavah” before moving to LA.  That night I attended a red carpet event with a friend.  I was dressed up and looked nice.  Afterwards we asked to take a picture with Richard Simmons.  He said yes, but then proceeded to point at me in front of all the celebrities and say I had to lose weight.  Then he went on to point to my mom and say she should be an example.  She said to him that once he had given birth to 7 kids, then he could talk to her about weight.  He said he gave birth to 8???  I told my mom I changed my mind

and didn’t want to move to LA anymore.  I felt really bad. 😣
> Later my mom emailed his manager for a public apology.  Eventually he sent a private apology saying it had been a bad day.  I had performed on stage right before Stevie Wonder and had danced 8 hours that day at a dance convention.  Richard assumed that since I was not skinny that I must be lazy.  What’s funny is that he was taking pictures with some big name overweight actors that night, but he never commented on their weight!
> People assume all the time that I must be lazy and/or eat junk food  all day.  I eat healthy most of the time and usually dance 50+ hours per week.  This is just me and I won’t become anorexic or bulimic to fit society’s mold.  I like me and I like that I don’t look like everyone else.  I am very healthy and often dance 8 or more hours straight!
> 6. If so, how have you handled it?  After I moved to LA, someone told me that if you have haters you are doing something right because people are talking about you.  It doesn’t really bother me any more.  Dance is my passion and my goal is to inspire others.  I am actually the Spokesperson for The Inspire Campaign.  My personal tag is #breakingthestereotype
> 7. Explain the story and meaning behind your hashtag #breakingthestereotype
> When I was growing up dance teachers and other mothers told my mom I couldn’t be a dancer because of my body type.
> At my competition studio after I competed for a year, won 3 dance titles, and was awarded over $11,000 in dance scholarships (just that year alone) . . I was told that my body type didn’t fit his image for the team.  He also said as I was leaving that I was bad at tap and hip hop.  This is funny because for 2 years I have been on immaBEAST (which is the premier world wide hip hop crew led by Willdabeast) and I also just auditioned and made the #Unfiltered Sole Talk Company which is Syncopated Ladies’ (under the direction of Chloe and Maud Arnold) new youth tap crew.  Can’t get much better than that!!
> I went to another big name studio and they looked me up and down and refused to even give me a tour of the studio.  There was no one else there at the time.
> The next big name studio said I could dance there, but I would have to wear booty shorts and a sports bra on stage like everyone else.  I don’t think so.  Since when did dance require that you wear a bra and shorts to perform?!
> I took dance classes at another studio in Colorado and the ballet teacher said I was too heavy to dance on pointe, even though I had already been on pointe for 4 years.  She said because of my weight I would get hurt.  To this day I have never had a dance injury, not even a blister from pointe.
> When I moved to LA I was living by Debbie Allen Dance Studio.  I wanted to dance there, but when I went to a level placement audition with the Academy Director, Karen McDonald, she told my mother and I afterwards that I was too fat to be a dancer.
> Then I joined a crew at a big name professional studio in LA and I was asked to sign a contract saying I may not be placed in performance numbers based on my size.  (After I complained they changed the contract.)
> Before moving to LA I asked a well known LA dance teacher if I could make it as a dancer in LA.  She facebooked back that I should take her diet pills and drop my caloric intake down to under 1,000 calories a day.  I was 13 at the time.
> 8. How do you feel about being a role model to other females?  It is very important to me and I take it very seriously.  I never had any good role models in dance when I was growing up so I would like to think that I can be that for other dancers that don’t fit the traditional mold.  A recent role model for me is Misty Copeland.  I really admire how she ignored what everyone said and made her own path.
> 9. How do you hope to influence females in the future?  My goal is that anyone that wants to dance (or do anything else) won’t listen to what others say, and will just go out and have fun.  You don’t have to be the best in the room.  Just have fun and dance from your heart.  That is what matters most!
> 10. Please include anything else you’d like us to know!
> Some fun facts –
> * Raised with my 6 older brothers and sisters by a single mom.  My brothers and sisters are all back in Colorado and Wyoming working on a PhD in Physics Engineering, an MD, a PhD in Psychology, a BS in Physical Therapy, graduated with a BS in Accounting and graduated with a BS in Electrical & Mechanical Engineering.
> * I attend CHAMPS Charter High School of Performing Arts in the Dance Academy as a Junior.  I hope to attend Loyola Marymount as a Pre-Law and a Dance Major.
> * I used to be a competitive figure ice skater and qualified for nationals 3 years in a row.  I was also a competitive allstar cheerleader for 6 years as a flyer and was on 4 National Title winning teams.
> * I have 3 dogs.  Two miniature dachshunds named Bella and Barney (they are brother and sister that I have had for 9 years) and a chihuahua named Bailey.
> * I performed professionally in musical theatre before I moved to LA from the age of 5 and I performed in the National Tour of the Wizard of Oz.  Some of my favorite shows include 4 runs of Annie, Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, Christmas Carol, and The Wiz.
> * When I was younger I played most sports such as baseball, softball, soccer, ice hockey, and inline hockey.
> * My family used to own a Tae Kwon Do studio and my mom and all my brothers and sisters hold black belts.  I hold an International Tae Kwon Do sparring title from when I was 6.
> * I normally dance between 45-50+ hours per week between school, dance classes, and company rehearsals.
> * Along with dance, I have been acting in LA where I have been in 8 movies, 34 TV episodes, 6 national commercials, and 14 music videos.  See
> * I also like to draw and ride horses.
> * I am very thankful and humble for the gift of dance that I have been given and my greatest joy is dancing for others to inspire them and to make them smile and/or feel emotion.
> * Favorite food is broccoli.
> * Favorie color is lavender.
> * Last summer I shot an impromptu video of me dancing with some street performers at Santa Monica Pier and it has over 25 million views on Facebook and Instagram.
> * Last acting shoot I had in December was a Steven Spielberg movie coming out in 2018.
> Let me know if you need anything else.
> Amanda


THANK YOU Amanda! for your email and sharing your story!

Faith by Claire


I have always been pretty good at listening to the still small voice within when it comes to big decisions. Moving countries, getting married, changing jobs, building houses, having babies: when crossroads appear, I slow down, seek out quiet spaces, and watch for the signs. I manage to shut my ears to expectations and follow spirit’s choice, even when it seems illogical or unlikely. This skill has given my life path color, and some unusual about-turns in direction. When I thought to stop and consider this aptitude, I glanced about with satisfaction and patted myself on the back. It has taken three decades and some earth-severing shifts for me to realize how bumbling, clumsy, and awkward I am when it comes to tiny choices.
A deep rich dialogue goes on in my mind, so much so that I have often deluded myself into thinking that I can have the whole world just where I want it. I carried an ingrained belief that if I think hard enough, if I know enough, if I control all the variables, then I can make sure nothing bad happens. My sense of responsibility to make everything turn out okay was extreme; it weighed down my shoulders and knotted up my neck. For the most part I found this price worth the chance to keep fear at bay. I was reluctant to abandon myself to the present moment, to routine and the mundane, to petty ordinary fears, and the large looming tragedies hidden in the everyday. But as I moved into the world of unschooling, and the biggest leap of my professional life, I was shocked to realize the extent to which I am plagued by an insufficiency of faith. I looked down, really looked down for the first time, and saw my knuckles burning white as I clung to the signpost. Moving forward into the unknown – not the great vast unknown but the one in the right here and now swamping my feet – terrifies me. And the reason underlying this terror is a fundamental disbelief in the order of things.

As in many other aspects of my life, it is my daughter who has given me the courage to see myself as I really am. Each day she grows a little more, learns a little more, and moves further into the world. When children enter this world, absolutely nothing falls into the known category. The world bustles with information. Its textures, colors, sounds and smells cut sharply into the newborn’s psyche. But rather than curl up in terror, they step boldly into the world, eyes wide with wonder. All information is considered potentially relevant. They watch and play and explore a little further and then wait patiently for order to arise from chaos. They are masters of uncertainty, and therefore masters of trust. My daughter’s journey reminds me that I too once knew what trust was. I too once sat at the knee of God. Until I didn’t. At some point, I moved far enough out into the world to see that there amidst the noise and beauty, was also pain, hurt and despair. As I grew my view of the world expanded, and what I saw jarred with my expectations for good. There was so much hurt, such tender fragility, and even downright evil. Faced with these dawning perceptions, the feeling that shuddered through my small body ran along the lines of What the fuck? What idiot designed this mess?

But before the pain of this disconnect could even register, my forming personality ran and hid behind complicated defense mechanisms. I learned that some degree of protection lay in objectivity, in not wanting, or feeling, too much. To achieve this I let my identity blur, and let the muscles that held up who I was and why grow flaccid and weak from disuse. I stood up from the meadow of children and walked away from faith. I forgot how to fight. I forgot how to breathe in chaos. I dislodged something deep inside and forbade myself from grieving.

Now, as I find the courage to pick out the important and let go the rest, rhythms slow and my life widens. In the space that is opening I am beginning to understand that there is no way to live well without revisiting my lack of belief, without moving my heart into the unknown and learning all I can about faith. I need to find my edges and move towards them. A little older, a little braver, made a little more pliant by disappointment and failure, I am ready to make the painful confession than I have very little idea what I’m doing. I am becoming a child once again, not only to address hidden pain, but also to reclaim new ways to meet each day. With innocence, with joy, and with faith in the design.

There is a difference between sin and prayer. There is a difference between faith and panic. But there they lie side by side because they are the pairs of choices that wait at the fork. They are the two sides of the dialectic: the choice between light and dark, between joy and fear. One moves forward, the other holds us in stagnation. Both lay about our every moment. A thousand tiny choices spanning the distance between the life you have and the life you dream of. It is infinitely far; it is as close as a breath. To live in the light we have to choose it now… and again, and again. We are balancing along a razor-edge and that is how it was always meant to be. Because life wasn’t made to be comfortable. Hope will never be ours to claim and despair will always only be a fumble away. It is never okay to leave your courage at home.

*This post was sponsored by Colleen at the Midlands House of Healing (084 603 0604). This month she treated me to the newest therapy in her repertoire: Restoration of the Divine Feminine. It is a 75-minute massage with hot stones, Hawaiian Lomi and Kahuna massage and reiki. It is a kaleidoscope of sensations. It draws out yin energy and restores balance. But while it softens and nurtures, it asks a lot of the receiver. It asks that we give in and give up. In what moments does our culture value vulnerability? When are we taught that to surrender, to the right power at the right moment, is a test of true strength? I have begun to wonder if it is only in surrender that we can know joy. Because joy is the absence of fear.

STOP! Body shaming! How to become a GODDESS



I remember the first time I was body shamed by my mother,

she complained about how difficult, it was to buy me clothes

because I had a pot belly. “Why can’t you be tall like your sister?

Why can’t your hair be straighter?”

From that moment on, I realized I was different.

Throughout my life, I had an ugly duckling complex, until

I embarked on a self healing journey, to become,

who I truly am. Me. I have been changing my body, my mind

and my spirit, to a whole and balanced being.

Yesterday, I watched a woman, drag her t shirt over her love handles

(fat at her sides) and wanting to tuck her tummy in before entering

Pick and Pay.    This just angered me, so much.

She walked with shame, with her 2 kids and I felt saddened.

Woman : who run a household, work a job, and we are judged

for fat and stretch marks, for a imperfect body.

I am honestly, tired of Body shaming and stereo typing of what a woman

should look like, I even hear pregnant mommy’s complain about them

not having “their body, because of the baby. I ASK, really?

Being so disconnected from you, that you cannot see your value and

lack of self love, and admire your beauty, no matter what your

shape or size, but as you are.  We live in a very visually stimulated world,

look at facebook, twitter, Instagram, if its pleasing to the EYE,

some stranger will like it, you get  an instant gratification, really? (its fake)

What about self acceptance. Self Love. Self Esteem.

Self appreciation. Learning to love yourself, just the way you are.

Having the courage to change what you desire, not what the fake world out

there decides for you. As woman, we have stretch marks, our looks are

JUDGED from the moment, we take our first breathe.     BUT . . .

We are GODDESS’s


7 STEPS TO BECOME A GODDESS AND FEEL DIVINE!The word ‘Goddess‘ seems to have recently become a buzzword. In the 1950’s only those immortalised on the silver screen such as Marlena Dietrich & Marilyn Monroe were referred to as ‘Screen Goddesses‘ but now Goddesses seem to be popping out at us from every small screen & magazine to sell us shavers, gym equipment & aromatherapy kits. So what do these mortal women have that qualifies their status as modern day Goddesses? (And what can the rest of us do to become one?)

In a nutshell, a modern day Goddess as a woman who sees & honours all aspects of her self as natural & therefore perfect & sacred. (Note: that does include spontaneous burping & farting!)

Yes, any woman can shine with liberated self-acceptance & vitality when she chooses to value herself as a unique expression of divine life force, instead of trying to become the perfect woman she thinks everyone else wants her to be. (Thankfully, the days of taking a Bex & lying down in overwhelm are over!)


To make the transition into a fully-fledged Goddess you must realize there is no such thing as the perfect woman. I would also like to point out that your idea of the perfect woman is not necessarily the same as mine. For instance, depending on which feminine archetype is ruling you, you may aspire to be a tall leggy blonde, a perfect Mother or a career superwoman…but none of these ideals will bring happiness if they are not balanced by the other psychological aspects.

Ultimately, by focusing on a conscious journey through the feminine archetypes, we all come to understand ourselves better as women so we can in turn create more harmonious relationships with those around us & manifest a more fulfilling, sustainable & balanced life.


Each Goddess aspect within our psyche governs a chakra (these are the 7 main energy centres located within our bodies). As we become aware of how to express their positive traits we start to shine with confidence in every area of our life, which attracts people to us like moths to a flame!

7 Things You Can Do To Release Your Goddess Mojo!

1. Speak up when something doesn’t feel comfortable.
2. Pamper yourself once a week to top up your cup of self love.
3. Use your skills to make the world a better place.
4. Spend regular time in nature to reconnect.
5. Attend a sisterhood gathering once a month.
6. Meditate at least once a week – this will help you to have less negative thoughts.
7. Dance like no one is watching

Click here for details: http://www.starofishtar.com/courses/goddess-online-course-for-women/



A lighter heart



Every now and then, you need to cleanse your heart.

Its like receiving massages, to detox and cleanse you,

so you can see clearer and be present and aware.

Sometimes you need to cry and then the healing process starts.

Life with a closed heart is not a life but a survival mechanism

that doesn’t work. A world that suppresses being a woman,

suppresses being emotional and being our true selves.

Where single mom’s are shamed and judged, where kids are blamed

for changing their lives, like  motherhood is a burden of

never ending sacrifice.

A lighter heart and a female connection shifts you into a space of Balance.

Your perception changes, an opening to your Higher self and a

deeper connection of spirit lives and you start to FORGIVE.

You start to say I am sorry, I let go,

I have learned a lesson.

Truth shines and you have grown wiser in the process.

A true inner reflection, a switched on inner compass of love

is ignited as you CHOOSE to move forward into

Awareness and Wholeness.

By exercising your Lighter heart.

To reopen your heart, do come see me

for a session of massage / reiki,

live the magic!  Happy V day . . .


In sickness and In Health : having your life purpose tested?



From the moment I was born, my mortality was tested.

I lived in a incubator for 2 months, my days were spent trying

to heal and grow, the result was, I have asthma, I manage it with

medication (pump), taking allergex, eating healthy and keeping my triggers of

overworking and anger/ fear  under control.

Needless to say, sometimes I fail or sometimes it feels like it.

I get busy in the real realm of life and the spiritual realm of

assisting others to heal. My purpose is tested, yes, by the Universe,

will I lie down and accept being sick, yes and no?

Yes, if I do get sick, I will surrender and go see my Indian

doctor, who questions my diagnosis and sometimes sheds

light onto it, which makes me think. He is my healer, he

has patiently answered my questions and made me find

a holistic approach to my own healing.

I always viewed going to the doctor as a failure but in fact,

I sometimes need help, a 2nd opinion. If I cant fix or prevent it,

I can rely on modern medicine to have a cure, so I can feel better and I

can keep using my preventative measures of a healthy diet, exercise,

yoga, meditation, chi kung, walking, toning, taking my vitamins

and drinking water to keep on my path, my journey.

I don’t let having a cold or a infection stop me ever.

I work with human beings, I am exposed to germs, bacteria,

and the like everyday. So, I keep focus and I get up,

I learn a lesson, I surrender, I reassess, where did I slip,

was it anger, that lowered my immunity, was it overworking?

Then I stand up and address what I need to?

Action.  Take my meds and keep delving deeper into

myself to heal what is needed, to keep moving forward.

I can change me, sickness is just making me aware of my mortality.

Every breathe, I take, every heartbeat, means I have another

chance, to live my spirit, to get back up and become amazing

again! . . . . and so it begins . . . .  Another Journey.



Explore the contours of your heart



I sit quietly, exploring the contours of my heart.

The love that was lost and why?

Why I was seeking the love, the adoration, the attention,

from those who spoke love freely, who did not use

their words impeccably. I now know, that love is a action.

Love is the support from the person who takes you to the doctor.

Love is accepting the lecture, afterwards.

Love is the keeping of their word to you.

Love is having a deep connection with another human being.

Love is answering your text, when you need them to.

Love is care, giving you attention, when you need it.

Love is a hug and a kiss.

Love is offering help, and asking for it.

Love is having someone, you can rely on.

Love is a trusting someone with your emotions,

when you feel good or bad.

Love is also learning to overlook the inadequacies of being human.

Love is someone caring about you, just being there for you.

Love is not a false proclamation of LOVE, and never calling or texting.

Love is loving yourself first, putting your needs first and then

giving respect to your partner for their needs and wants.

Love is agreeing to disagree, finding middle ground and

a deeper understanding of being human.

Love is sharing a meal, enjoying the taste and flavours of food.

Love is packing away freshly laundered clothes.

Love is cleaning, where your partner forgot to.

Love is also sacrifice.

Love is also doing chores, you hate.

Love is forgiving all.

Love is laughing together.

Love is intuitively caring, to assist your partner to achieve their goal.

Love is working hard together, to prosper and attract abundance.

Love is helping. Love is a kind word.

Love is also surrendering when you are wrong.

Love is knowing, your partner makes the home.

Love is the smell of lunch, wafted around the kitchen, when your hungry.

Love is cold bottle of kombucha, on a hot day.

Love is doing gardening, when you really don’t want to.

Love is making tea, when you d rather be reading.

Love is sharing moments of life, the good, the

bad, the ugly, and growing into a deeper maturity, so

you can be yourself, knowing that mature love,

lasts longer than infatuation, or false proclamations

of love, which was only Lust.

Enter the contours of your heart, become wiser,

as you love you for being You.



How to create MONEY?



Creating money is a Spiritual experience.

I started my healing practice in 2009, I have been living debt free for 9 years.

Creating money is part of your self love and living consciousness.

This being said, I had to figure out how to create money,

to buy food, to pay for petrol, to pay for Rent, debit orders etc.

It starts with a thought?

Do I love myself? the answer is YES

Do I love what I do? Yes

Do I believe in infinite abundance ? Yes –  for example, if we need rain,

do I trust that the Universe, it will provide rain when I need it, Yes.

Do I have a believe that is so strong and assured that I know, that when

I have a need, it will be provided for, yes. Trust. A deeper sense of knowing

which requires you to tap into your Intuition. Your Radar, Your consciousness.

In most people, this has been “put aside”, we are taught to do, not feel.

What You believe, affects your reality and your life.

It starts with believing that your needs will be provided for.

A thought of I have enough money for everything I need.

Next: Your words, that you speak are seeds to the Universe to answer what

you affirm. Thinking : I have enough MONEY. Saying : I have enough money.

Affirming it  = Makes it so.

You will start to experience a Abundance which has no lack.

You need to give away 10%  of what you make, anonymously or to someone in need,

give it…away.. I do.

Now, You are tapping into a deeper sense of Synchronicity, a time for sowing and

harvesting, a time of abundance.

Creating this paradigm for yourself is a Female energy, so if you are male dominant,

it is time to change your vibration. Change your diet, go for a massage / reiki, start

doing yoga, and definitely start meditating.

Meditation and Visualization is important, so imagine your reality, flowing with money,

flowing with abundance of every kindness.

You are your greatest asset, your energy transmits to the Universe what you want to attract.

You are a beacon of Light, if you are blocked, get unblocked. (come see me)

Tune into a Higher vibration of eating healthy, drinking water,

refrain from toxins and your  Universe and ability to create money will flow.

If you are stuck, email me : midlandshouseofhealing@gmail.com

This method of making money has worked for me.

Marketing : you know when coke (cooldrink) was invented, the Investors said

that the colour RED is the most important one to remember to the brain,

so they flooded the market with it = If you thirsty, drink coke

I cannot emphasis how important it is to market yourself,

everywhere, be passionate about you, most of all

believe in what you do.  I certainly do.

Happy manifesting.




Growing Pains


Growth is all about facing yourself, your emotions,

becoming friends with the pain, holding the yoga pose,

biting your tongue, holding your space and your energy.

Becoming a yogi, embracing self Mastery is hard.

The demands are to grow on  every level :

physical  : exercise, yoga, breathe work, weights

emotional  :  controlling your impulsive reactions, controlling your shadow

spiritual  : prayer, meditation, reiki, intention

It affects every aspect of my life, and it will affect those around me.

It has been 4 months of kicking my own ass.

Move. Walk. Do yoga. Do ki chung. Receive a treatment.

Rest, Redo.

Eating less is the hardest discipline to master. (for me)

Food has been my subduing method of comfort, my instant

love, my soother, my suppressor of emotions, hiding what I

truly feel.   Now, with this buffer illuminated, I feel vulnerable,

like I  have to embrace the grumpiness, I have to discipline

the need, the ache, the urge to binge eat.

To take control of how I feel, embracing the surfacing emotions,

addressing the root cause, the screaming inner child.

The adolescent who was never a teenager, the adult who

became a martyr.  Connecting the bridge, filling the void

with love, closing the hole, in becoming feminine, part of my own Oneness.

Self talk helps, breathing through what surfaces.

Discipline the sculptor of what I need to become.

The fat has been the protector, the comforter, the normal approach,

people easily judge you for it. They file you in the inadequate folder,

never really going deeper as to why?   Our brains are trained to see the

attractive / sexually attractive  person, the perfect shape, size,

curve, anything else is imperfect, criticised, judged, yet we live in

a broken society. Shallow is the normal, yet no one is perfect.

Healing is a journey, perfection is relative.

Does size matter when I hold your hand or give you a hug

or a smile or share laughter or look you in the eyes? NO

Do you measure your waist before you have a orgasm? NO

Do you kiss with a measuring tape at hand?  NO

Be who you are. Exclude : Shape, Size.

Start looking with your heart of Love!


Treasuring this human experience of Spirit.

Embracing all of it, even the growing pains. . .





I see all forms of disconnectedness.

A disconnection from mother to child,

from Lover to partner,

from husband to wife,

from employer to employee,

from Humans to Nature.

We are loosing touch of what is truly important to us,

our    H u m a n i t y.

Every person attached to the cell phone, taking videos of the

most horrific accidents for likes, while the human being in the picture,

waits for a ambulance, for help, for touch, for assistance.

Disconnected, what makes us human is we need Love, Touch, Attention,

connectedness to the Divine universe, our spouse, our family, our community.

Our humanity, our heart, our need to be touched, a minute to gaze into each

others eyes, undivided attention, a moment to hold your hand, a whisper to

soothe your fears, affirming your love, trusting your inner voice, your

female self to guide this path of  unknown steps.


 A need to speak my truth, without being judged.

So you can hear what I need. For your partner to hear what your

needs, desires, aches, urges are.

Instead of keeping things on repeat: eat, sleep, shower, shit, work.

We are designed to experience love and spirit.

Every fibre of our being needs it and we cling to the idea

that someone will hear our needs and wants, but you are

your own Saviour, your Own Light.

The devil we know, resides in the mundane, the routine, the

forgetting of what makes us magical, this life.

Love for ourselves, for our partner, for nature, for clean air,

for clean running water, living an aware and awakened life,

we cannot be less, but need to be more HUMAN.

Alive, Spiritual, Be ourselves, Whole, One,

in Sync with our Unique self.




Ignite your female self


I am a observer. I observe everything.

The way you move, with or without pain.

I notice your breathing.  I notice the words rolling off your tongue.

I notice you, your spirit, your body language, your look,

most of all, how do you house your spirit.

The world, Society, parents, teachers promote an intellectual

world of work hard, study hard, get the job, earn the salary,

be independent, this is a Male Driven approach.

I have heard this story, I too was raised to

believe this lie, which was spun for generations.

I became Male driven, work, work, work, do, be disconnected

from which makes me female, makes me vulnerable, makes me

aware of being a female, a vagina, having pms, hormones, menopause,

subdue the femaleness of myself.

I no longer live this paradigm. I have shifted to keeping my male and

female energy in balance. I practise yoga with deep breathes, opening my heart

to connect more with myself. I started meditating more, to use the infinite

power of abundance to create my life. I am becoming more disciplined to

master myself in my diet, my exercise, in gaining more knowledge about

the depths of being a woman.

Yes, I can be a warrior, but I can also be a Goddess of LOVE.

The male driven approach, also promotes quick fixes, the growing of a disease,

like cancer, if you keep subduing yourself, your emotional self will create

a disease which means, you will need to embrace being sick, and

dealing with your own female self, later on, this will take all of your courage to do.

Instead, change the approach, prevention is better than cure.

Nurture yourself with : yoga, meditation, chi kung, massage, reiki, journaling.

Keep Active : exercise, do weights, take your vitamins, drink water, eat less.

This world is filled with imbalance, in politics, in society, in marriages, in yourself.

Shift Your approach to love thyself and KEEP you healthy,

you are your greatest investment.




Being wanted . . .



What makes you shine, isn’t the shape you have.

Its the sound of your voice when talking to the cats, we all do it,

we baby talk to our pets, because they own us. They have become

our companions, our bottomless supply of unconditional love.

The shine of your smile lighting up your eyes, that sparkle that

can melt my heart. The kindness you show to others

the cunning charm and well spoken words rolling off your tongue.

You intrigue me, you always have. You stir me in so many ways.

I want to be a better me, mostly for you, I work harder, I want and

seek to be this person, you saw in me. You have moulded me,

you have shaped me, raised me and now I am your woman.

I want to own you. I want to live inside you, feeling that

endless safety net forever.  You are my world, but it is

to heavy so I will say, I love you and you mean so much to me.

You make my world a better place, you have filled up so much of

it, that I know, I will suffer as if my own arm is cut off, when you pass away,

but for now, I enjoy being with you.

Respecting. Honouring. Laughing. Sharing. Loving. Fighting with you.

Because my heart is yours, even though, I run from it, it is my truth,

there can only be one. It is you, now and even in death, I will find you and

we will stay connected because we are ONE.

For Now.

For Always.


A R S : Ask, Receive, Surrender

ask beach-surrender


Being a masculine driven female, I struggle to keep the balance

between overworking, overdoing, going back to default when

I overstep my own balance. I completely love what I do,

in fact, I get so filled with energy and the magic of spirit

that I become hyperactive for  2 days.

I have taken more precautions to stay tuned in with my

female energy, the nurturing, loving, understanding,

compassionate me. I ensure that I ask for a treatment,

and it is vital that I receive it and surrender.

I do this for myself, but also for my husband, who

has to live with my madness.  Having me out of balance,

really stretches every itch of who we are.

Anger, Fear, Impulsive bad decisions, Serious approach,

all which could be avoided by taking control of myself,

disciplining myself, so I stay connected to my female self

with exercise, yoga, weights, chi kung and meditation.

One key importance of any relationship is laughter,

a good communication, a treat of having a good meal, (not at home),

 and joy.

Rejoicing in the good and the bad moments, all of which are

part of the bigger growth of LIFE!

Taking control means balancing yourself, keeping your EGO

at bay – so you are not  a victim, a moaner, a groaner, a complainer.

You hold the power as a WOMAN, to manage your life and yourself.

Misery loves company, don’t let it overtake you.

Find your Joy everyday! Rejoice in your life.

Love yourself, your weight, your size, your shape, really doesn’t matter,

so don’t let it engulf your life and your self esteem!

Have fun!  Adults tend to become serious and destroy the joyful moments,

don’t do that to yourself. 

Write down your emotions, your feelings, your journey, once you get to know you,

it is easier to assess where the cracks are.

Be vulnerable, ask for help.

Receive it, don’t be a control freak, just accept it.

Surrender, asking for help, means you must let go . .  let the other person, help.

Be Assertive in who you are.

If you are feeling grumpy, say, I am grumpy, I am annoyed, I am irritated for no

apparent reason. Speaking your authentic truth, brings more understanding,

so you don’t bark up the wrong tree, OWN it.

Be specific  – use your power wisely, excuses are for those who want to fail,

You want to succeed on every level, so put in the work of


Disciplining you.

Living a Yogic existence.

Practise, Practise, being the person, you want to be.

Your True self.



Money : real, virtual, debt = c o n t r o l




Money has no vibration, it is not alive, it does not breathe, it has

no spirit, no essence, no life force, it is paper, it is fake, it is not what

it is, but what it can do for you, the want, the chase, the seeking, the

lack, the desire for it that consumes man.

 Money has not been real for me since leaving my job in 2007.

When I was 4 years old, R1 bought me a packet of simba chips,

a chocolate and a 20 c pac man game. Life was simple.

I did my chores and I was rewarded with R1 at the end of the week.

I was taught delayed gratification, discipline, dedication

and routine, it was a smooth flow.

Money felt real back then.

Now money feels non-real, fake,


We have lost our relationship with money, its become an object of want,

desire, a stirring of need, a forced control born from society.

A male driven ness of fear, a guillotining of force to work, to owe,

to be in debt, to buy the car and own a house, to spend the best

aspects of your day for a salary.

Work, home, Eat, Sleep.

A conditioning that becomes a box.

Completely unaware of spirit, disconnected from intuition and your

own gut feeling.

Swimming with the fish when all that is beautiful is forgotten.

A loss of connection as to what is real :







These cannot be bought. These cannot be earned.

Your sense of responsibility of owing someone money,

drives us to work and dedicate our life to a fake form of control.

Money is just seed, this is my relationship with money.

It enables me to live, the life I have chosen.

I trust in the Universe, to give me what I need.

I believe in the Divine synchronicity of LIFE.

There is a natural flow, not fear based.

Life and Death.

Abundance, are part of my universe.

I have lived debt free, since 2010, 6 years of no debt.

You are the source of your Universe.

Your vibration attracts what you need.

You emit energy.

Your emotions is energy in motion, like a beacon of light.

You are connected to the rain that falls.

You are connected to this earth.

As I am connected to you.

So, start living a spirit filled life.

See the beauty.

Practise the yoga, eat the healthy food, drink water, cleanse your body of

what no longer serves you.

Discipline the fear, do not sign on the dotted line,

take control of your finances, own it, swim upstream

and be aware of what you are creating.

Happy 2017, the year of the Rooster.


Judgment (Male driven) : Unity or Separation



When my ego takes over, due to my male dominated personality,

due to overwork, overdoing, over people pleasing, it gets pretty

Judgy on this side.

It brings forth separation and


a “them” against us,

or us “against them” attitude,  

which brings forth the duality of they are

“bad and I am good” scenarios,

a battle of opinions, belief systems,

and all kinds of ugliness start,

at this point.

Relationships ended, friendships broken, and separation

has taken place, a breaking of unity and harmony.

Then I take a breathe, as I can see this transpire within 60 seconds,

if I don’t shift my vibration to a compassionate,

soft and open hearted approach,

to a more female approach of understanding the other person,

their opinion, their processing of events, it is going to go to Sh*t!

Being judgmental, closes the heart and lets the ego which

is not interested in the light, but only darkness  – drama,

chaos, discourse, and separation takes control.

Once this has taken place, the chaos increases until

the seed of this comes to fruition = separation, unhappiness.

How to take control of this ?

be the observer of the madness, but don’t get sucked into it.

Practise discipline in doing yoga, exercise, thai chi, chi kung,

weights… start moving…..go for a walk,

push your body to uncomfortable zones.

Self talk is important  – sometimes you need to hear yourself, so as

to shift your energy to what is good for you.

Stay in your own skin – don’t take on, someones negativity, it is not your place.

Get grounded!  stay connected to Mother earth and stay rooted.

Practise Silence. Not everything deserves a answer right now.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. Lighten up with a funny movie.

Sing. Enjoy music often, sing . . .

Dance, move your body, it is your greatest gift.

LOVE!   love your life, love your body. love your spirit.

if you fail today – get Up and try again tomorrow.

All the great masters, practised self mastery, not to compete, but to

S e  l  f     Conquer! you.



Woman : Living a masculine male energy



Every single woman I have met has faced this same inner battle.

Allowing our male (masculine) driven energy to override our gentle female

driven energy, so we can juggle the demands, of life.

This combined with a pool of self sacrifice (martyrdom) of which transpires

when you don’t self love or nurture or take rest when your system is overtaxed.

You begin to realize that being “driven” in this male energy,  will not

manifest a Happy ending, the end will be a foreign disease popping up or

burn out.

It will then take every ounce of your energy to recover, however…

If you just took the nap of 20 minutes, when you needed it.

When you exercised, to clear your head.

When you did yoga to connect more with your female self.

When you ate chocolate, but went to walk anyway.

When you asked for help, when you needed a break from the kids or delegated

to your Mom or someone else.

Lets face it, the demands of being women today is endless, we work, we run a home,

husband and kids, you can easily become

bitter and resentful while walking this path.

My suggestions are the following :

Ask for help.

Go for a reiki / massage / counselling treatment : it will change your world.

Decide to have fun no matter what, obstacle appears.

Be a kickass mother and wife, be you, don’t let it just be a role, be yourself also.

Women, give your man a break, give him one night off a week to have fun,

just to be free also.                              The same would apply to you.

As  adults we value fun, play, dancing, freedom, joy,   LIVING as a whole but get stuck

in a rut when the Intellect ego governs our life and NOT our

Open Living heart of LOVE and Spirit.

Every Day start with a clean slate to affirm and to live WHO

you Are, a Beautiful spirit with amazing capabilities!

_________>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  Lets do 2017 with a bang!



Touch c h a n g e s



The touch of your fingers holding the seed,

sowing it into the earth, with love and intention,

creates instant connection.

The harvesting of fruit : touch, stimulates the plant to grow and flourish add in reiki :

  and this makes the plant grow faster.

Every flower turns into a fruit, specifically made for us, this inter connectedness with nature,

to love, to nurture, to create,

we are part of the cycle of life, it is magical.

When someone holds us in a hug,

 we feel loved and nurtured, a feeling of bliss and belonging.

When someone nurtures us with massage, our body releases the old habits and starts

with a clean slate,

a new body filled with love, connected to the Divine feminine, a unique force,

it fills up the broken cracks with love.

Knowing your needs, your desires, your inner longings.

It engulfs what is unknown to bring forth a deeper awareness of Spirit.

Recognising that touch is the most pleasurable experience of love.

To bask in it, to enjoy this human pleasure without guilt, but

with an open heart of bliss.

Deeply relaxing into the peace of being,

a new beginning,

knowing touch has changed you.

You are awakened, your spirit is free.


  Practise : H o o Pono pono prayer :





S e r i o u s

20170110_142429 20170110_142448 20170110_142451 20170110_142929(only in Africa)


I have been debating with myself about purchasing a tablet, the benefit of

having a mobile tablet, is that I can write anywhere.

So, I found one at Ackermans and purchased it and found it to be faulty.

I returned it 7 days later but encountered so many funny human happenings.

I realized I am serious, I consider what I do so seriously, that I get wrapped up

in the spiritual world and completely forget to have fun.

My reaction to the faulty tablet would be one of anger, regret, but

I stood in Ackermans, waiting for Ayanda D the supervisor, calling the department

for a approval of my refund, I assisted him by “playing’ security guard to the

incoming shoppers, by taping their current plastic bags will a yellow

security tape,  so they would not be tempted to shoplift.

The body language, expressions, and complete surrender

to my authority of new found “security” guard, was amazing.

Frowns, Laughter, joy, smiles, giggles,  a willingness to chat to me was

overwhelming, but best of all, was changing the stereo type of all

security guards should be “black”. I enjoyed my afternoon adventure,

learning about people and cultures, we are all human after all,

we all want a home, a soul mate, something delicious to eat,

love, warmth, security, intimacy, the ability to be

ourselves, not restricted by religion, sexual orientation,

skin colour, upbringing, and most of all old belief

systems, we want to be free to be ourselves, human.

I spent the afternoon, laughing  . . .  at how much fun I had

in the shop, challenging yourself, step out of your box.



Hand print



I look at my hand imprinted on the blanket.

This hand has touched your soul, it went deep into your spirit and

balanced what others could not see.

It hears the voice of your inner child, adolescent and your adult self,

it moulded your spirit back into shape, it made it better.

Wholesome. Unique. Loved.

It ignited a  new you, the old mould was removed, like the washing of a dirty window pane.

You are refuelled by spirit, love, a deeper connection to yourself.

Your awakened, you can no longer look back, but only choose to move forward and

keep to your path. Your heart is open and gentle, your thoughts are slow and steady,

your breathe is eased and chilled.

Every cell in your body has waited for this moment of a balanced body,  mind, spirit.

Your life will never be the same, your soul is on fire.

Your perception has been altered.

The magic of massage and reiki revealed, the truth is now known.

In this complete moment, the female energy takes over, a call to nurture, love,

balance you becomes apparent and changes will impact YOU

 and those around you.

A new universe begins.

It starts with you.

Happy 2017 x x x






January  Reflections with Claire 


January reflections


January reflections

Christmas morning crept over the hillside misty and grey. On our mattress in the rafters of grass,  our daughter unwrapped her first fishing rod, and upended her Christmas stocking for the first time. We ate chocolate and mango amid the ruffles of duvet, then descended to clean dishes and wrap a few more presents. We ran late preparing to leave the house for my mother-in-law’s. Eventually we loaded Emma and presents into the car, napless and without a proper breakfast. I was eager to get on the road, to cover our toddler’s needs of food and sleep as much as for the sake of punctuality. The clamminess of the day itched me with the damp heat of December. We bumped down the dirt track, opened and closed two farm gates, and were passing the dam when she spotted the bramble bushes. The berries were ripe with sun under the cloud-wreathed sky. 

I sighed and unbuckled her from her carseat. Another stop. Another pause. Our lateness spread out from our silver sedan and trickled down towards the stream. I leaned against the car as I watched her forage with her father. She was wearing a billowing white shirt with a tiny pair of red shorts. Her head of pale brown curls reached halfway up my husband’s thigh. His face was hidden beneath a leather brim as his fingers picked gingerly through the thorned branches. I blinked and my world had become something new. I sighed again, but this time the breath that left my lips had altered slightly. I had moved from frustration to acceptance and then, with shifts inside smaller than the step of the ants across the pebbles at my bare feet, to joy. We had reached the end of the year, we were moving towards a celebration of the new, of hope, of change profound and decisive. What would I gain from a punctual arrival at Christmas lunch, and what would I lose? Here in front of me was all that mattered: my family, my love, and awareness of the present so precious and so fragile it is crushed by the mere passing of moments. What if this was my last moment? I asked myself. The filter of death had been a recurring theme for me in 2016. In Tibetan Buddhism, maranasati, or awareness of death, is considered the most important spiritual practice of all. It is the one that gives meaning to all the others. It comprises a conscious focus on three irrefutable truths: (1) Everyone dies. (2) Our time of death is uncertain. (3) At the time of death, only spiritual power will be of any use. I came across the idea of meditating on death in a book on business. This book, The Diamond Cutter, conveys a simple message: make the money, enjoy the money, and make sure it all means something in the end. It goes on to give specific advice on how to achieve these things. I recommend the book highly, especially for some novel understanding of the former two, but it was the later section which struck me deepest. It was here I learnt of the meaningfulness that death grants.

At first I was wary of maranasati. A cursory inspection of death is wont to inspire the washing out of meaning from our everyday pursuits. As do many in our culture, I previously avoided such morbid contemplations, steering my thoughts instead towards life and doing. The inevitability of death is something defeating. It is after all the ultimate defeat to which we are all subject. So what could it possibly have to offer the living? But although it made me uncomfortable, the idea of maranasati intrigued me. As the months wound past, I brought my thoughts gently back to death, opening the door to maranasati a little wider each time. As the authors of The Diamond Cutter point out, it is a sustained interest in death which brings us the most benefits.

The first effect was a clearing out of my spaces. I emptied cupboards and shelves, piling up everything that no longer served me, that no longer brought me joy, into bin bags and boxes. This decluttering brought a rush of lightness. It gained its own momentum. In three years, our house of three bedrooms, two living rooms, kitchen, pantry and garage had filled to the brim. What I did not throw away I passed on to our maid, and the farm bakkie left our home many times straining under its load. As the rooms emptied, I looked for more to lighten. My husband I decided it was time to hand over managing of the farm to someone else. It was time for us to move out of a home that had never really been ours, and into a space custom-designed for the life we wanted to live. And despite being parents and owning our own business, what we wanted was light and small and manageable. We wanted something that would nurture us, not exhaust us. So we built a home on a hillside, and are crafting each inch of it to reflect what we value, and let go of all the rest. And my notion of work morphed and shifted. All this decluttering of the unimportant gave me the space to reflect on the needs of those around me. Starting a school, an idea which had been in my dreams and thoughts for years, took root in the world. Time and again I remembered it was death that gave me the courage to grow something new. Because if death is coming in the end, and no-one could ever tell me when that end is nigh, what really do I have to lose? What is the real measure of the risks of following my vocation?

That strange lingering gap between Christmas and the eve of the New Year gave me some time to ask questions of this year in which my preparations would turn into happenings. What would I choose as the axis on which my coming year would turn? What was I going to leave behind and what was I journeying towards? I performed cleansing rituals, releasing the old and clearing space for the new. I put together a list of priorities: family, health*, purpose, art, and adventure. All the while the memory of our Christmas forage among the bramble bushes floated above my consciousness.

Brambles grow wild in the farmlands where we live. They conspire with the birds, who happily accept their offerings and carry their seed on their travels. With this ingenious and effective system of propagation they conquer far and wide. These invaders from another land spread their tenacious prickly arms along rivers and across fields. They confer in sheltered vales and beneath barbed-wire boundaries. They stand alone and fierce on windy hilltops. They take up grazing, snatch holes in clothing, and block up paths. Then, to make up for their seasons of obstinacy, for a few short weeks of the year they deck out their branches with purple-black treasure. Their luscious fruit dot the veld and pasture, freely available for all the creatures of their home to share in.

When I stood among these juicy glistening baubles on Christmas Day, the wind whispered across my skin. My daughter’s lips stained black and my husband’s laughter rolled down towards the water. My blood rushed with inspiration and my cheeks flushed with joy. We were a stone’s throw from our home, and we were the most intrepid of adventurers, indulging in a thrill of an ancient innocent sort. All that mattered was the moment warm between my palms; all the rest had drifted away. This pause on the hillside embodied my values, but it gave me even more than that. It painted the path towards living the life I dream of. Because this moment needed no forethought, no vast store of wealth, no special talents, no unusual stroke of luck. What it asked of me was simple. To have all I ever dreamed of I need to let myself be the kind of person who stops on the side of the road to pick wild berries. It may not be easy, but it is simple.

*This post was sponsored by Colleen of the Midlands House of Healing. Once a month her strong intelligent hands and sensitive spirit coax out meaning and wisdom and eventually words from my soul. Monthly therapy, in the form of massage, energy treatment, and the sou-searching that accompanies it, is a cornerstone of my commitment to health. When my mind, body and spirit are strong and clean and in balance, I am able to move forward with my other goals: to be present with my family, to support them in their own journeys, to live a life of purpose, to do what good I can, to feel the shiver of the divine in the expression of my art, to savor the miracle of life through a sense of excitement and adventure. Colleen is a skilled mentor in these endeavours, not only through her practice of massage and reiki, but also through her example as she works hard to live as the best version of herself. This year, journey to health and purpose and love and expression and vivacity with me. Embracing values that run counter to mainstream culture is challenging. Set yourself up for success by creating the conditions for meaningful moments. Book a massage (084 603 0604) or that check-up at the doctor, join a class, donate to something meaningful, purge your home, plant some seeds, volunteer your time and resources, read what inspires you, schedule in white space, and follow only those which make you better. Death is much too close for excuses.

Emotional Eating Cycle



When I am uncomfortable, I eat chocolate,

basically any emotion from tired, happy, sad, grumpy,

angry, scared, horny, disappointed, frustrated, I eat. . .

Every single emotion has led me to this space of conquering the 

old habits of reaching out to subdue what I feel.

I decided to feel the emotion and no longer subdue it.

We live in a society which views emotions as a vulnerability,

we are forced into a male driven system which  promotes

diseases with quick fixes. Sometimes a holistic approach is

needed. Food and eating is such a readily available option,

the addictive behaviour towards it is overlooked. 

We eat to nurture and love our bodies.

We eat to soothe the anger, to subdue whatever we 

need too survive, life.

To actually face what you hide, takes courage. 

As a empath, food is our go to option, it instantly soothes,

nurtures and gives love, a comfort we often need.

The sooth sayer within gets satisfied for a while and we

bury what we truly feel. 

After practising this for years, you begin to feel the 

weight gain, also realizing that absorbing negative energy

from others, makes your pants size grow also. 

We are so easily judged by appearance – shape – size – 

weight – to subscribe to such judgment is madness as I know, 

I am more than my waist size. The value of love and someone loving 

me,  far extends to the love curves I have. 

So, it concludes to this, Why? am I eating? 

Can I feel this emotion, embrace it and choose to love me and

then have my chocolate? or do I keep the bad cycle running

to only have my own self esteem affected by my own 

inadequacy to face myself, to heal my own darkness, to shine my 

own light upon this darkness which has become a shadow of who I truly am.

I walk into it and face which I need to, the pain, the rejection, the truth,

whatever emotion appears,

I CHOOSE TO embrace it, to love it, to release it, so 

I can continue to conquer and embrace who I am.

We are perfect in everyway, but the

imperfections drives us to conquer ourselves,

so we can take the next step,

completely confident of who we are,

to be better than we were yesterday.

Warrior of the Universe. 



Love : Carrying others emotionally…



Love?  this unconditional force that many talk about,

fantasize about, dream about, envision, but in real

life, the reality  is…LOVE is LOVE. We love nature, birds, trees,

plants, our partner, our pets, it is  an emotion which is felt.

Often, we feel the need to CARRY others, because they

won’t be able to cope otherwise, well this only creates Dependency

patterns and they NEED you, NEED is not LOVE. They

will only keep returning to you for attention, advice and help because

you have ENABLED them.  What to do? how to fix it…

You can DROP them energetically like a stone on the ground,

quit being their UNLIMITED supply of energy.

Next create a healing grid for him or her and send them healing.

(Write their name on a page – place rosequartz – 4 corners of page

(top, below, sides)

 and send them LOVE, but

disconnect from it, afterwards.)

Next, Guide them to listen to THEIR own intuition and

INNER voice of reason, if they are lost, send them for a

Reiki session to flip the switch.

Carrying someone is unhealthy for Your Body, Mind and SPIRIT.

I learnt to carry from a young age and I have identified why?

Because we have forgotten that with free will comes the

Responsibility of letting them fix it themselves, it

means they have the POWER to change and amend it,

if you keep doing it, this creates endless problems.

Respect them enough to PUT them down.

Assert yourself, by saying NO.

Make yourself happy.

Keep Journeying ON!



D i s c i p l i n e : Punisher or Sculptor

discipline discipline-2


Discipline has always been my punisher.

I was a brat and still I am a brat! I was punished for various amounts of things,

back chatting, being flippant, obnoxious, potty mouthed, I remember

once having to eat chillies because I swore and well down the chillies went.

I remember all the punishment I received, but that didn’t matter to me, because

I was rebellious, fierce, fiery, unruly, much like my hair, I just refused to be

tamed by anyone. (inside me, I knew my truth and what they spoke was bullshit)

Eventually, I played the role of good kid, I observed, I ratted on people,

and that soothed my rebellious side, I was the apple of my grandfathers eye

which meant, I was protected, from the evil gazes of sisters, cousins, aunts, etc.

Discipline was my punisher, I knew that at home and at school.

As I start to become older and wiser, I am learning to make discipline,

my sculptor.

Discipline should be my sculptor not my punisher anymore.

I am becoming gentler with myself which means, instead of

overeating to stop the ‘feeling” of being uncomfortable, I can

address the emotion and SPEAK up about my feelings.

Instead of SUBDUING what I feel, I can now, Act

on what I would like my body to be.

I started reading a Walking Chi KUNG book about CHI / Movements.

I met this amazing MAN who will be 60 years old next year

and he is as fit as a 20 year old, that speaks volumes, just his

positive outlook and inner mental capacity, blew me away.

I decided that I have been weak in my mental capacity and

that I need to become stronger, by disciplining every aspect

of myself.  Beginning a Self mastery Journey for 2017.

I now walk for a kilometre every 2nd day, I do yoga every 2nd  day,

weight training, toning training, jogging on the spot and becoming more

flexible with myself with MOVEMENT!

I have started saying no thank you to 2nd helpings of food, trying to

cut down my calorie intake, so my digestive fires can work better.

Learning to become mentally stronger means watching my MOUTH

and the words I speak, also keeping my energy close and not getting

sucked into anyone else’s story.

What I am observing is a stronger capacity to observe and

be disciplined with myself, the more I exercise it, the

stronger I feel within me.

CHI KUNG is about nurturing your inner self with movements

which makes you feel amazing.  I am loving it.

In using discipline as my sculptor, I have set a few goals for

2017 which with the use of Intention, Prayer, Meditation and

Inner peace, I will have the mental capacity to achieve it.

Discipline, the sculptor to mould me.

Discipline, to reach beyond my comforts.

Discipline, to step into the pain and address it.

Discipline, to let go of what NO longer serves me.

Discipline, Choosing my happiness, my journey.







2016 Chaos vs 2017 Order to come




Eight and a half years ago, I ran a branch as Regional administrator for

Tracker Network Cape Town, when I say ran, I went to work at 6am and

left at 4pm, sometimes working longer hours in  a day, to repair chaos,

to track stolen vehicles, and to save lives. I was married to my job.

The Order I learnt about running a branch, is the same for administering

your life. What is administering anyway?  Creating ORDER in the CHOAS.

I turned 40 years old this year and the realization of how good discipline

and order are actually good facets to have with yourself, kicked in.

Basically having a relationship with Yourself.

The way you treat you.

The way you handle your emotional self.

The way you handle your sexual self, your desires and wants, your needs.

The way you nurture and LOVE you.

The way you handle others and those close to you.

Being a person of GOOD character takes work.

Like Running any home! you need to budget for fuel, groceries, water, electricity, wifi, rent,

and any additional expenses like insurance and not forgetting the cell phone account.

We as woman, make it look easy.  We are good at creating Order!  it takes discipline

to initiate order but once it is in effect well, you reap the benefits daily.

Creating Order? Do you want to create it for 2017?

Clean out your cupboard, your wallet, your car, your desk. Give away what you don’t need.

Volunteer or give away your service to someone in need.

Give away 10% of what you earn every month.

Share what you have.

Be assertive and say NO!

Know your needs? if you need to rest, rest. If you need a good massage, book one.

If you need counselling? Book it.

Start a journal, get to know you!

Speak UP. Speak your truth.

Find pleasure in being WHO you are.

Delegate : Ask for HELP!  Don’t be a martyr.

Fun< PLAY ?  Create ?  Dance !   Remember to live Your Spirit.

Stop! the self sabotage  = Having sex without protection  = babies, So take precautions.

Forest Gump says :    Stupid is as Stupid Does.   if your intuition / GUT feeling tells you something,

ACT on it…..it is your Radar. Just listen and Do.

Study the course you always wanted! Do it.

Make the time for you, to complete your thoughts, to know who you are.

Decide to want to heal from the wounds, so you can be WHOLE. Find a good therapist.

Have orgasms with your partner, at least 3 times a week.

Read a good book.

Laugh at a funny movie.

Eat Chocolate!  Mouth gasm.

Do something You feared!

Have a date with you.

Do yoga. Drink the wine.

Most of all decide to be you…in  2017! the authentic, Beautiful,

unique, special, gorgeous, flamboyant self,  YOU!

Happy 2017 and May we continue to Journey!!! Together….



The good kid : A empath’s view



I sit under the tree, I breathe a sigh of relief,

No adults,

or kid sister, just me and my thoughts.

I watch the ants go by. I listen to the leaves rustle in the wind, peace.

No responsibility!  Freedom for me! yay! I love these moments I create for me.

There is a endless list of chores to do at home,  “take care of your sister” look after her,

keep her out of trouble”,  feed the dog, water the garden.

I learnt to run away, run to the neighbour, go to the shop, buy this or that.

I am the responsible one, I listen to my elders, I am the goodie two shoes,

I don’t see it as a gift but more of a punishment.

Because I am good, I am treated differently, the “bad” kids get help

with everything, I am left to my own devices, to raise myself,

to listen to their words of truths, regret, bitterness, anger, “if only’s”,

its like the warnings of pregnancies, kids, are imprinted into me and even

though I love kids, I know, I wont have any of my own.

I go to bed tired, tired of being the “good” kid because tomorrow is

another day filled with chores, instructions, school, homework, study,

fetch my sister and so on, another day!

I know this is NOT how it is supposed to be.

I want to be free to do the bad also, not because I am bad, but

because I need to grow up without your judgment,

into the frame of LOVE, which is absent.

I recognise this is not normal, I recognise, I am different

and I choose to love me anyway because you have no love,

not even for you.



Letting G O

letting-go-2 letting-go-3


Wise words by Eckhart Tolle : http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/

Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life

  1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.
  2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
  3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
  4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
  5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future).
  6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction.
  7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
  8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
  9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
  10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.

Let go of Anger and Bitterness

  1. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion, you have to feel it fully.
  2. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
  3. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
  4. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel may help you move on. Keep in mind that you can’t control how the offender responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
  5. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
  6. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
  7. Metaphorically throw it away. For example, jog with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
  8. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.
  9. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
  10. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

Let Go Of Past Relationships

  1. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
  2. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.
  3. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”
  4. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on.
  5. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.
  6. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.
  7. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.
  8. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
  9. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”
  10. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.

Let Go Of Stress

  1. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.
  2. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.
  3. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.
  4. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
  5. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant, like your passion for your hobby.
  6. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for ten to thirty minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
  7. Imagine your life ten years from now. Then look twenty years into the future, and then thirty. Realize that many of the things you’re worrying about don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
  8. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
  9. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”
  10. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.

It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?

Photo by Katie Romanova

B r o k e n



Forget everything you know.

Forget the people who shaped your believes, your

schooling, your religion, your job, your intellect.

You have been taught to the make the “right” decisions,

to self sacrifice, to work hard, to keep chasing the dangling

carrot of success.

What does a successful day look like to you?

To me, it is waking up at the crack of dawn, having a cup of tea,

feeding my cats, taking time to pray, visualize, do yoga, go for walk,

harvest the vegetables in the garden. I feel connected to the Universe,

I have joy and gratitude in my heart, this is what NO money can buy me,

peace. I am debt-free, I am supported by the Universe.

I was not always happy or joyful or loved. I spent 22 years of my life

feeling lost, see I was disconnected from my spirit, I was not

serving my Higher Purpose, I was broken.

The pain, the scars, the lessons that sculpted my life, has

made me who I am, every aspect was destined for me.

I learnt to LOVE, myself, I grew into acceptance,

tolerance, wisdom, a deeper understanding of who I am,

putting the puzzle of me, back together, remembering

SPIRIT, remembering my destiny.

Many people live off : = Amplifying it with Moaning and Complaining . . .

The Pain, drama, negativity, hurt, scars, wounds, trauma,

all I can say is,  this is a loveless way to live!

Find a good therapist to change and shift your vibration

with reiki and massage and counselling, so you can start to heal.

When you are stuck in this low vibration, you just attract more of the

same negativity, lack of abundance, lack of love! debt, and bottomless troubles.

Lets choose healing instead, no matter how hard,

the Decision rest with you, to choose and be

responsible for you. You are the source of Light.

You hold the  key to living a fulfilled life.

You can choose Love and Forgiveness.

Becoming a WHOLE you.

You Decide.



Fountain of you. . .



I sat at the fountain of my life.

The water is blue and white, crisp and clear.

I observe my memories, every now and then, I can see the shadows fall upon me.

I see the pain, the hurt, the scars, the healed aspects of me.

Clearly the negative no longer matters, because I have healed from the pain.

I have connected to myself, the shinning light within,

I love myself and care for me, and this has changed who I am.

I surrendered my egos need for drama and pain. I surrender.

I place my feet in the water, I feel a wholeness of me  – complete.

I feel the longing no more, I am sated. I feel at peace, at ease.

No longer the battle of the two flames at war, the male and female

energies sit side by side, holding hands, moving in one unified shape.

No longer the fight of wills.

A flowing of spirit. A embracing of the present moment.

A gentleness which only Love can bring with the breeze on my face.

At last the moment has come where doubt has been replaced with confidence.

A belonging, a journeying, a unique path of truth and healing.

I sit quietly inhaling all of it, offering you a glass of the magic,

find your space, find your spirit, find someone to help you

on this journey, becoming who you were meant to be…

A Whole  you.


P l e a s u r e of being a woman



I have been walking a softer path, I don’t recognise this path as I step forward,

because I haven’t been here before, I guess if I am honest,

I subdued it, I ran from it, I became the stronger sense of me,

a male driven woman, but I know the time is now to embrace the pleasures

of being a woman.

Like coals in the fire, the embers burn beneath me, to bring forth more of me.

I walked in the rain this morning, it gave me great joy to feel this freshness,

to smell the rain.

I picked berries, spinach, alfalfa, marrows and zucchini, it gave me such

joy to be part of harvesting and foraging in the garden.

I took my vitamins and drank my smoothie and green juices and I felt nurtured and loved.

I cleaned out my heart and forgave, and sang as I listened to my music,

and felt the joy flow from my heart.

Every moment can be a pleasure, woman, have longed and suffered, but the time

is now to become more feminine, woman like, free from what limits you.

We have the pleasure of having 50 to 100 orgasms in a shag session! men  = 1.

We have the pleasure to create new life, to sew, to cook, to mend, to create our

reality with our thoughts, our words, our actions = Lets do it.

We have the pleasure of getting excited about life!

To dance, To sing, To be free with our spirit.

We have the pleasure of being Highly Intuitive, Spiritual, Born Healers, Empaths,

lets celebrate our abilities of being clairvoyant, psychic, and Spirit Conscious.

We have the pleasure of running homes, raising families, unity,

bringing forth peace, reconciliation, less do that!

We have the pleasure of dressing up with colour, ribbons, make up,

dresses, lets STOP trying to fulfil a male role!

I for one, I don’t have penis envy, I am happy with my v jay vjay, thanks!

We have the pleasure of having fun!  Joy, Laughter, Excitement, all of which are

fruits of being ONE with your OWN spirit.

We have the pleasure of believing in the GOOD, we can practise a spiritual

meditation, we can pray or visualize! Lets do that and become more focused.

We have the pleasure of being a woman, in an age of freedom,

ONEness, we can be wild and free.

We have the pleasure of enjoying, who we are.

We have the pleasure of MOVING, shaking your body, doing yoga

and drinking wine.

We have the pleasure of taste, touch, see, smell, lets enjoy what we have.

We have the pleasure of nurturing ourselves, with a warm bath or a hot cup of tea,

lets enjoy it. Lets learn and read more,   g r o w I n g WITHIN!

Society is driven by a Male orientated focus, corporate money making drab,

self sacrificing persona, the endless rat race!

lets stick it to the MAN! and show them

who the true boss’s of this Age and Universe, is!

We are woman! We will experience pleasure in everything,

we will love who we are, whatever shape, size, weight, we are

free to be ourselves, because we have POWER

in who we are! and we have a vjay vjay! which

makes each one of us, as unique as our thumbprint,

because we are born to be different!

Lets celebrate it!


Parenting an empath


Parenting an empath by Claire R.


People had started trickling in. It was a casual braai, but there were to be around thirty people kids included. Already small knots were forming, moms sitting round the kitchen table, dads following toddlers down the garden path. I saw the tension settling on her small brow. She began to flap her arms and whine seemingly without reason. I understood the signs. I was feeling it too. I gathered her up in my arms and slipped away to a bedroom.

We lay back on the bed and watched the ceiling fan go round. ‘Are you feeling a bit worried with all these people?’ I asked. She nodded. I felt her curls brush against my arm as she did. ‘There’re lots of feelings going around the room, and you can feel all of them.’ Again she nodded. I accepted her understanding without doubt. Because I knew how she was feeling. I was feeling it too. It had taken me three decades to name it, and learn tools to actively deal with it, and I was determined that she would learn a little quicker than I had. ‘All those people, bringing in all their feelings, they are separate from you. Their feelings belong to them, and even if you can see them and know just what’s going on inside their heads and hearts, they’re not your responsibility. You do you. You end here.’ I sat up and drew a circle around her with my fingers. I wasn’t as sure we were still connecting. After all, I was trying to explain something she had rarely seen me do myself. I lay back down, and she snuggled into my armpit. 

‘I’ll tell you what we can do. Let’s put up a blue shield of energy to protect us. Breathe in through your crown and when you breathe out push out a sphere of blue light.’

‘I’m scared Mommy.’

‘Bubbles. Big blue bubbles. We’ll breathe in deep,’ I took a big calming breath in, pulling from down from my belly, ‘and blow, ppppffftttttt, out big blue bubbles.’

‘Ppppppffftttttt. Look Mommy, bubbles!’

‘Look how beautiful they are, floating up. Can you see how they’re growing bigger? They growing big and round, so big that we’re inside them. Now you are you and I am me, and we’re ready for the party.’

‘They’re so beautiful.’

Once or twice in the next few hours she came to me and crawled onto my lap. She would hide her face and pull down my shirt to feed. I took similar breaks, in the bathroom or wandering round the garden for a little bit. I enjoyed myself. I initiated conversations when I felt the urge, and walked away from flares of anger that I saw shooting up. They were not my fires to put out. At the end of the day, my daughter collapsed in my arms. She wound down with a bit of screen time, losing herself in her favorite stories. I on the other hand felt energized. I was astounded at my newfound skill to walk through a social gathering whole and unscathed. I had carried out no-one’s issues and therefore had generated none myself. I was me, and releasing responsibility for others’ feelings had liberated me from their opinions as well. I had had no concern for what anyone else thought of my actions or words, and it allowed me to bloom with confidence and strength. I had acted well and with good intentions, and that was the end of the story. Even if I had judged myself to have erred, it was information to take into the future, not fodder for guilt or regret.

The ability to read others’ emotions and feel them as if they are our own is a gift, but without learning how to protect ourselves against what we learn, it can be a burden for empaths. The first reiki session I had with Colleen of Midlands House of Healing* over a year ago, I climbed up onto her table and she ‘read’ me with a pendulum. She told me, among other things, that I was an introverted empath – ‘a perfect personality for a writer’, she said. I had never heard myself described as such. I had always enjoyed my own company, and often felt uncomfortable in crowds, and knew instinctively what people wanted and how they felt, but I had assumed these to be quite common experiences. I did not know until that moment that I was an empath, and as such, had access to skills that not everyone does. Over several sessions, Colleen taught me how to protect myself from absorbing others’ emotions. She performed deep massage and cleansing rituals to help rid my physical and energy body of the emotions I had stored up. I was so good at working out other people that I barely knew where they ended and I began. As the lines sharpened, I started to more clearly understand my burden. In being able to read others, I had taken it on as my responsibility to fix them. I wanted to cure others of their sorrow and lift off their guilt and anger. Only slowly did I realize that this was a role for which I was wholly unqualified. No-one can ever truly fix another person. I could not take away anyone else’s troubles and I could not walk anyone else’s journey. All I was succeeding at was scattering bits of myself all over the globe and adrift in the energy bodies of others. It was time to find my edges, and erect some fences while I was there.

Colleen also identified my three-year-old as an empath. This I had seen in her before I had even recognized it in myself. When her father and I were sad she cried, and when we were happy she laughed. She fussed in a room full of tension and she screamed out loud when she encountered pain trapped silent inside a heart. This sensitivity had been the root of colic in her first months and brought nightmares regularly to our bed. As understanding dawned, urgency blossomed in my solar plexus and hardened quickly into resolve. I would protect her. I would protect myself. It is time to change. This depth of hers is something that can be a strength in her life. But she will have to work out how to carry it. I will show her what I can. I will walk beside her and learn. I will become who I am, and who I was meant to be – a force to be reckoned with.

*This post was sponsored by Colleen of the Midlands House of Healing (084 603 0604). She is a lifeline for empaths. She will clear what she can, and share her tools of protection. When brought into balance and managed well, the gifts of the empath can open up your life and cause it to flower with brilliance. The way forward can be filled with light if you let it.


Sexual orgasm : the positives


In the book Hands of Light by Barbra Ann Brennan page 73, she

discusses a persons sexuality.

So, each person’s sexuality is connected to his life force.

This is true, of course, of all centers: any of them that is blocked also

blocks the life force in that related area. Since the pelvic area of the body is

the source of vitality, any centre that is blocked in that area will have the effect

of lowering physical and sexual vitality.

For the great majority of humanity, the sexual energy moves through, charges

and discharges in Orgasm through these two sexual chakras.

This movement revitalizes and cleanses the body with an energy bath.

It rids the body system of clogged energy, waste products and deep tension.

Sexual orgasm is important for the physical well-being of the person.

The mutual letting go into deep communion through giving and receiving in

sexual intercourse is one of the main ways humanity has of deeply letting go

of the ego “separateness”and experiencing unity. When done in love and respect

for the uniqueness of your mate, it is a holy experience culminating from the deep

primordial evolutionary urges of mating on the physical level and the deep

spiritual yearnings of uniting with Divinity. It is a wedding of both the

spiritual and physical aspects of the two human beings.



Yoga : you are the challenge




As I begin to grow into being me, a complete me, in tune

with my Higher self, my intuition, my ancestors, my

diet and my body. I have started to do more yoga, to

become more flexible in my mind, my breathe, my body.

(I started doing yoga at age 32, after injuring my back, well 3 trips to India

and I learnt about being flexible for sure.)

This is week 7 of doing yoga positions which are uncomfortable

and choosing to breathe and stay with the pain and releasing of

what is negative to myself, connecting more with a softer me.

I have become more aware of what I eat, in terms of eating

when I am emotional, or stressed, or when I need to be comforted,

food is a quick fix but not long lasting, what I need is just a kind

gesture from me to me, knowing its ok to be uncomfortable and

stay with the emotion.

I am more aware of my posture, my breathe, my walk, my

speech, my driven ness, it is as if,

I have taken control


Just being so in tune that I know what is happening to my body,

so I can be present with the emotion as it happens.

My mantra intention for doing yoga is to release the negative energy within

which hinders me, which needs to be released, a letting go.

It also helps that I have received a massage this week and will receive

another soon.

It just makes me softer, gentler on myself and those around me.

Whatever your shape or size or weight or height, it matters not.

Yoga is about your inner journey of connecting with yourself,

facing your own limitations and restrictions which letting go…

of what no longer serves you and

about being open to spirit to become more of you.

You are the challenge, the sculptor, the changer, the mover,

the embracer, the forgiver, the teacher, the letting go er,

you make the rules.

Enjoy the Journey of you!

Relationship between Ish and Isha : man and wife



What is the relationship between a Husband and a Wife?

By Yochanan Zaqantov

The Hebrew word for husband is Iysh (Aleph-Yod-Shin). It can also be for a man. It is reference number 376. This can be found in the NEHC on pages 60-69 and in the BDB on pages 35-36. It is from the word Enosh (Aleph-Nun-Vav-Shin) which is the Hebrew also for man.

Bereshit/Genesis 2:23-24

23     Then the man (ha’adam הָאָדָם) said, “This one at last Is bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh. This one shall be called Woman (ishah  אִשָּׁה), For from man (me’iysh מֵ‍אִישׁ) was she taken.”24     Hence a man (iysh אִישׁ) leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife (ba’ish’to בְּאִשְׁתּוֹ), so that they become one flesh.

Here we see the meeting of Ish and his ishah. Adam and Chava meet and he takes her to him. Verse 24, appears to be a statement from Yehovah but some have stated that Adam could have said it since quotes are not in Hebrew and are purely arbitrary in this verse. In other words, Adam could have said this also.

We see that Ishah (Aleph-Shin-Hey) is the Hebrew word for woman. It is reference number 802, which is from Ish. It is found on page 175-178 of the NEHC and on pages 61 of the BDB.

We see that in this verse that we just read that her man or her husband would be ish’to and so we will focus on these places in the Tanakh so we can see what specifically does her husband/man do with her.

Bereshit/Genesis 16:3

 3     So Sarai, Abram’s wife (eshet אֵשֶׁת), took her maid, Hagar the Egyptian—after Abram had dwelt in the land of Canaan ten years—and gave her to her husband (iyshah אִישָׁהּ) Abram as concubine .

The difference in pronounciation is very similar to Ishah (Alpeh-Sin-Hey) and Iysh’ah (Aleph-Yod-Shin-Hey).  The first way is of the woman and the second way is the making of Ish (Aleph-Yod-Shin) as denoting a feminine usage by adding the hey ending or belonging to the woman. Literally speaking “Her man” is what it is saying.

If we fully transliterate we can see the relationship. So the reason we are focusing on the belonging to one another is that it means they are in a relationship.


Iysh – Man/husband Ishah – Woman/wife
Iyshah – her man/husband Ish’to – his woman/wife

So lets look at places in Hebrew where Ish’to (His Woman or Wife)


About 10 years ago, my Rabbi Hoffman, told us a story of how man and a woman fit together.

How Man and woman become one spirit and if they have SPIRIT in the sense of a deep love,

a Fire, A “godly” connection, they will grow together, seeking the DIVINE and bringing

forth, more and more within each other, LOVE.

If they have no Spiritual connection in the relationship, it will destroy the partnership,

it will be harmful, broken, no balance, no SOUL connection.

I was privileged enough to attend the first GAY Jewish marriage in Cape Town,

when it was legalised.

I also arranged the first gay marriage in Bethlehem in the Free state.

A relationship, a marriage, a partnership takes work.

We are born with both male and female spirits, yin and yang.

This love we have it is like a seed, what you put into it, grows.

If you put in LOVE, Communication, understanding, a journeying together, you reap

a awesome union.

If you sow the seeds of Drama, negativity, character bashing,

the disappointment will kill the LOVE.

Some tips on how to grow into a sacred relationship:

1. Be honest with yourself and your partner.

2. Say what you want. Speak UP!@

3. Be the best part of you. If you are unfit, get healthy. Eat better, drink water,

take vitamins. Make better choices. Change YOU! Meditate together.

4. Talk to your partner,  Share your life, put your phone away.

5. Time : Make time for your partner, always.

6. Have awesome making love sessions.

7. Be kind. Understand. Be compassionate. Be your partners keeper.

8. Change comes from within, don’t wish and hope for them to change, they won’t.

9. A relationship is 50 % x 2  + commitment and dedication from both sides.

10. The grass is Not greener with another partner, if you cannot

out run your current issues, embrace what you need to learn and address them.

11. Don’t live a dualistic existence with your partner, be open and honest and speak up

and change what you need.

12. Compromise and Tolerance – Communication: When my partner visits a friend, he   will text me to say he arrived safely and they are having tea or when he will be leaving. He does this because he respects me, and knows that I care.

I will do the same. If I am in Cape Town, we will chat in the morning

and evening to touch base and reconnect and share. This communication keeps us in a good space.

If you don’t have the inclination to text, email or communicate to your partner, you are

being disrespectful to your partner. Learn how to change this and communicate better.

13. We all have our weakness and strengths. I can manifest things in

our reality faster, but I hate traffic and noise, so he drives and I do my part,

like finding a parking spot. Work together, flow as one.

14. Sacrifice : sometimes you have to make sacrifices, it is part of a partnership.

Give and Take.

Discuss your reservations and then do it. Your partner will respect that you are willing to.

Don’t be a martyr. . .  be honest, speak up.

15. Empty promises : Don’t say you will call and you don’t.

You create a expectation and it is

followed by disappointment which will follow with anger, fear.

Rather be honest.

Don’t people please.

16. You can love someone but YOU can dislike them as a HUMAN being.

Their lack of manners, cleanliness, personal pottering time, excessive cigarettes in

a ashtray, their lack of consideration for others, their attitude of

preferential treatment to waiters, could make being their partner,

a pain in the ass. SO, discuss and change it.

When you are in a partnership, it is about being comfortable in the relationship,

NOT tense or stressed out when your partner has tantrum in public.

For example: asking for fish with No bones and SKIN –

which is Never on the menu.

Just Creates Drama and Negativity.

17.   There are those who have a “outside” face and a “at home” face which they create,

a dualistic persona of what people see…. and who you are?

when at home, in your Pyjamas?

I say be authentic, be who you are, all the time.

18.  If your partner is a wise ass, a know it all, a cunning linguist, a askhole,

and these aspects irritate, annoy, pushes your button, have the courage to

share your disapproval and ask them to stop… the Bullshit.

19. Our spirits are both male and female, we become one when we orgasm, we share

a soul space, in that moment, my shit, my issues, my body, my spirit is shared with you.

The deeper the connection, the sacredness, the intimacy, grows and we become closer.


20. Love makes us want to be better people. We may have scars but they heal

and pain fades away, when someone believes In us.

When they wipe our tears and help you heal from wounds or

take care of you when you are sick.

Life is like a box of chocolates, but when you share it with

someone you love, you want to give them your best, the best aspect of you.

21. LOVE : a complex thing : We seek it, We need it, We work for it,

We want the magic,

Make it happen. I know you can.







Disconnecting from an energy vampire



What is a  energy vampire?

Someone who keeps creating drama in their life, so they can contact you

as a empath to : 1. get sympathy   2. get free healing sent to them if you practice reiki

3. live off your attention and love, as they have no self love.

4. Needy person wanting energy, attention, drawn with negativity intention :

emotional blackmail : guilt.

How does 1 get rid of such a person or address addictive behaviour ?

  1. write their name on a piece of paper : put in a jar…add blue coloured water to the jar  :
    Speak: I freeze the negativity of this person out of my life and disconnect from them.
  2. put salt around your house and don’t allow them in.
  3. Take a page and write down your anger, disappointment and negative feelings toward them and forgive and bless them – BURN the page. Forgive you and CHOOSE to move forward.
  4. Write the name on a page.. on the back of it..write your name…put a colour circle around you and glue to place salt around you..when dry. Fold the page. Wait.
  5. Take a salt and mphepho bath for 3 nights, say: I now cleanse myself in body, mind, spirit and also place the water in the HOLE.
  6. You need to dig a hole. Place the bath water in it, a jug for each night.
  7. On the 4th day, place the page in it and bury it. Say: I now disconnect from this person and seek no contact.
  8. Visualize pressing a DELETE button and return to them no more.
  9. Thoughts, feelings, emotions = when you experience negative thoughts about this person, you give them the space to return. So say: I forgive, Bless them. I choose to heal from this. I have learnt and I am grateful. Keep affirming this.
  10. Clear out emails, texts, pictures – delete it.
  11. Address the issue of your poor judgment : being naiive and thinking you could help or save them. Forgive yourself.
  12. Say I love myself to protect myself and not be harmed by this person, so I decide to be free and whole. I am healed from this experience. Thank you.
  13. Do a detox of eating only fruit, raw juices, smoothies, a cleanse to touch base with you.
  14. Purging : drink salt water and puke…saying I rid my body of this connection.
  15. It takes a strong character to address, confront and do this disconnection, it will free blockages and  you will instantly feel a release, so cry your heart out. Be sad but know..you are healing you.
  16. True strength lies in addressing your pain. I know your heart will ache but you need to say. I close my heart to this chapter of learning. I have learnt and choose to heal. Closed is my heart to this, it is done.
  17. LOVE you. You have a big heart of unconditional love, you keep hoping, you keep believing and know love, truth, wisdom, will guide you.
  18. Use a Stainless Steel knife to cut the auric cords from your aura. Go for Reiki also.
  19. Visualize mirrors around you, so they will reflect any negative intentions back to the person itself.
  20. Like any addictive behaviour, staying in a addictive drama filled relationship is like a heroine addict,  no  matter how strong you want to quit, you have go cold turkey and sweat out the negative toxin and endure pain and suffering to overcome it, without going through the pain of disconnecting from you, you only want your next fix, so stop this in its tracks. Realize that you love yourself enough to endure the pain and grow and learn from it.energy-vampire-2

Knowing your partner



Know your partner.

Know your partner, like the back of your hand.

Be aware of the scars, they carry,

know the special marks on their hand. Know every single aspect

of their being.

Many people including myself want a “magical” relationship

where your partner can intuit your thoughts, your needs,

and your desires.

How to create a sacred union with another being?

Observe your partner, his or her walking or breathing. Listen to them sleep.

Watch the way they move, with pain or with ease.

Watch their emotions, what triggers them, what soothes them?

How to emotionally support them when stressed, when to give support

but not carry your partner.

Every relationship is different, but what we seek is a SPIRITUAL LOVE Connection.

Someone we can be vulnerable with, to share our deepest and to share our darkest.

As you know the back of your hand, get to know your partner.

Know what they need : for example :

When you can assist and do his chores.

Or put a towel next to the bath for him or her.

Or know when they need a foot rub, a hug or a kiss or a good shag.

We are human and we have needs : physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual,

we need to nurture a sacred bond of a partnership, which comes with work,

the bond of LOVE is certainly worth, the work.

So, if you feel you are on different planets, schedule a reiki session together,

and I will gladly synchronise your auras which makes a HUGE difference,

to flow as ONE!  Connected to the UNIVERSE.


Wrong . . .


Dear body,

I am sorry. I am sorry for the neglect, the fatigue, the

overworking, I was wrong. I thought in giving, you don’t need to

receive. All the courses I attended forgot to mention the importance

of receiving. I was wrong. I have taken time out of blogging

and attended to some of my needs as a person.

I did a cleanse, a detox of all the old stuff, the things you cannot

control. I took stock of myself, the introspection of my being.

I love receiving massages, I am a touchy feely person, and I love it.

I also love giving massages, so much!

I believe we were all raised into a society which promotes

neglect, over giving, overworking and  a diseased body,

because this is the natural result of a lack of nurturing and self love.

A disease manifest and we expect a doctor to create a quick fix,

when actually it is a INSIDE job of shifting your Awareness to

a HIGHER level of being with yourself.

Addressing what you don’t want to face, the pain or the neglect,

the realization that we inflict it upon ourselves for whatever reason.

After having received so many awesome treatments over the past few weeks,

I hereby promote to everyone to receive a massage/ healing / reiki or

go for counselling  and so you begin to heal on the inside by

receiving and it changes your perception to a HIGHER vibration and

You become kinder, loving, more YOU, in the most softest, go wee, fluffy way.

LOVE!  We all need it . . . so book your massage often…even if you are

a therapist… Receiving the magic. . .  is what we live for.


Emotions : I feel is not a weakness



Having emotions is NOT a Weakness, it is your human right to FEEL!


Emotions. We are taught to feel only the positive, when we feel LOVE,

Joy, Happiness, Peace, Fulfilled, Satisfied.

The Negative emotions we are taught to subdue them, they shouldn’t surface.

Emotions like depression, Anxiety, Anger, neglect, disappointment, aggression,

fear, vulnerability, hurt.

It easier to send an emotion emoticon that to admit if someone has hurt your

feelings or overstepped your boundaries.

The problem with this lies  in the following : We become accustomed to living a

dualistic lifestyle of good and bad and not taught to feel and address

and confront our own emotions of being human.

We are conditioned to only feel the “good” and the bad is bad and not

spoken about.

If we could change these aspects to a more holistic approach.

Feel the feeling, acknowledge it, accept it, forgive or bless it, release it.

It is also about having a relationship with yourself, knowing your

own flaws and merits, and knowing that you love you, and

that you have got YOUR own back.

This being said, when we chose to overwork, accept self neglect as the normal custom of

being imbalanced, our bodies will then step into a self sabotaging pattern of

disease, illness, sinus, coughs, aches, pains, injuries and this will impact on our life dramatically.

So, to make you a more whole you, lets start with some Nurturing aspects to practise:

  1. read a book.
  2. make tea instead of coffee.
  3. smoke every 3rd cigarette.
  4. drink water, raw juices, smoothies.
  5. Take medication if you have to, and vitamins.
  6. go to bed early,  8pm.
  7. Exercise and move your body.
  8. start a yoga journey.
  9. clean out your cupboard, your wallet, your car.
  10. toss what you don’t need, including friendships that drain you.
  11. say NO instead of YES.
  12. Sit in the SUN.
  13. go for a walk
  14. Forgive and Forget
  15. Take the time to speak up when you feel uncomfortable.
  16. Form uplifting friendships and connections.
  17. accept being different as a plus not a minus, keep the shine on.
  18. Speak your truth to you, Acknowledge you as a person.
  19. Listen. Listen. NOT to reply, but to understand.
  20. have compassion for you.
  21. Cultivate having a STRONG but gentle spirit.
  22. Choose your battles wisely. Let people know you are a forceful fire spirit.
  23. throw the doormat away, the one others used…for you.
  24. feed your spirit : meditate. breathe. be.
  25. play music everyday. SING. Dance. bring more joy into your life.
  26. have sex (safe sex) – whenever you can.
  27. romance your partner. Do his or her chores for a day.
  28. enjoy a delicious meal, get messy, eat with your fingers.
  29. eat a ice cream cone at home, feed your inner child.
  30. laugh.
  31. wear COLOURFUL clothes. Draw. Play.
  32. Put the coffee and alcohol aside.
  33. Self sebatoge, Disappointment  – Practise looking from the heart, not your head.


Cutting the blood ties : A deeper cleanse




Over the past 4 weeks, I have seen a doctor, a reflexologist therapist, a Physiotherapist

and a Shaman.  WHY ? You ask?  Well I feel its time to get me more into shape.

Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually.

Accessing a deeper level of myself, my Female self which I hide well.

I can give unconditional love but I do have trouble accepting love.

It stems from my parents, see I was rejected the moment I was conceived,

my mother tried her best to smoke me to death, so I was born prematurely by 2 months,

I almost died and well, the instant my father heard about me, he disappeared.

Rejection, Abandonment, Hurt, Needy, Vulnerability these are all the emotions I

buried, until now. I realized that as a empath, I have made excuses for both of them,

I carried them, I hoped, I romanticised, I created a utopia that one day, that we would live

happily ever after, alas, it is not to be so.

A shaman did a bone throwing for me, which highly advised me that I disconnect from

both of them, for various reasons. Truth is my grandparents raised me and strangers

taught me what I needed to learn.  They unfortunately, did not possess the LOVE, I needed to

become who I am.  So, I cried my heart out last week Thursday, I awoke with a plan of what

and how to end this nightmare connection.  A connection which has only caused me heartache and

depression. I will do the different ceremonies this week as per the shaman, start a disconnection process because

as vulnerable and uncomfortable as this is, it is needed and necessary and part of my path.

I will be clearing the connection to appease the ancestors on my fathers side who are dark,

so, I can fully step into my path, and disconnect from these obstacles.

Interesting hey!  until it is your story. . . . Definitely, had to reign in myself and not take

any of this personally, and accept that this is a weak spot of vulnerability, and address it,

step into it, and Forgive and Release it, and become more of me.

Sometimes we can choose our fate.

Sometimes it is already pre destined.

Sometimes, we can fix it, but sometimes we just need to let go.

Sometimes, forgiveness can cover a mountain of sin.

Sometimes, the imperfect, can create good.

Sometimes, the pain is released and LOVE is revealed.

Journeying on. . .


Skilled hands



I am lying on my own massage bed. I have waited years, minutes, hours, days

for this moment. The moment where the skilled hands will follow the contours

of my body. He will read what I do not speak. He will repair what others

cannot see. He will fix what we all hide, pain.

The use of my body is endless, walking, massaging, gyming, past injuries, yoga,

we endure, we continue, we wait for the perfect hands, to heal our bodies.

I am sure, I am that to many. But like many, I want the magic, I seek

not just the healing, I want the magic, the tenderness of being touched.

I want those hands to read my story, and soothe the ache, knowing it will be ok.

This touch will make it all good again, it will reboot the switch I have inside,

and change me. I will feel goo wee, like moosh, whole, relaxed, at ease and

nourished as only a healing repair massage/ physio session can be.

I loved it, it made me feel whole again, his thumb fingerprints stayed for 24 hours,

later, the release of the aches, and the joy of moving returned.

I am thankful for these hands, who healed my body, and I welcome you to

let me read your body, let us go on a journey within, to heal what you do not share,

lets step into it, and lets become whole and amazing!


Letting go, of India, (Auroville) my utopia



I have a mental bucket list,  and on it, is one more trip to India, however, as

I begin to investigate the logistics of it and the planning, the budgeting of it,

I become more stressed out.  The first thing is that I have travel for 24hours, a whole day,

which now would FEEL like forever. I have been to Indian 3 times, in 2008, 2009-10 and

2013. I went to explore and find my TRUE self, which I have.

I met amazing people and I have kept these friendships alive,  going the extra mile and all.

I realize that I actually LOVE my life and space where I am.

I feel I have waited all of my life for this moment, for this space,

where I am able to  help others heal and grow, and slowly,

I am seeing the impact on other peoples lives, which is the



New babies are being born.

People are healing on their journey.

People are getting engaged.

Going on Inner realization journey.

Stepping into the UNCOMFORTABLE zone of Living a SPIRIT filled LIFE,

it is amazing to be the observer of all of this.

I love it!

It then dawned on me that, I don’t want to go to India!

I want to wake up in this space.

I want to be here to exercise, to do yoga, to stay in this space and continue

with what I am doing, my purpose.

I want to snuggle with my cats.

I don’t want to miss out on any of it, this life.

So, goodbye India for now… I will put you on ICE because, I know you will return again

and You will wait for me to be ready.

Here, Now! I decide and choose, my Reality!  and LOVE It with all my heart.


The Aquarius Curse


So if you didn’t know, yes I am a Aquarius, a Air sign, not a water sign.

We bare water for all who thirst, we also give you the space to be yourself.

We instantly dislike Gemini’s, Taurus, Scorpio’s, we don’t get on…..

not to mention Dark Aquarians. (All of this takes 5 seconds to happen)

We see others, not as they are, but as they could be… whole, shinning, loved, unique,

we have the instinctive intuition, to help to make YOU WHOLE!

From the age of 4, I knew I was different. When  I was pushed on the playground and

went home with bloody knees, I would say it was a accident. When I was a teenager and

a bully pushed me down a flight of stairs and I bounced like a ball, I said, I tripped.

You can see the pattern, we never want to admit that there are BAD people out there,

but being a VICTIM and choosing this pattern, creates more of it, I have many scars

to proof it. Aquarians are humanitarians, we want to serve the HIGHER GOOD.

We have a HUGE expectation for ourselves and others to do good, and we face

constant DISAPPOINTMENT every day :

In friendships as we have high standards. (its sacred man)

In a relationship with parents. (they should ve done better)

In our own relationship because we give and expect the best.

As you can see the pattern has been created.

Aquarians will save you, at great sacrifice and take the wound personal because

we want everyone to be happy and live in peace.

Being a EMPATH and a aquarian is hard, everyday, I am uncomfortable facing

my truth and speaking it, voicing what I need and letting the little girl on the inside be free.

Deleting self pity and letting go of the wounds which only cause me harm.

I love easily, I care even easier, I remember every hurt, every emotion, everything literally

and I want this world to be a better place.

So I will keep hoping, keep pushing but..then I discovered narcissist and sociapaths and

energy vampires and I was like …..WOW!!! stop the bus.

I have to exercise my discipline with myself so I don’t get depleted or drained because

we are givers, we have a big heart for everyone…even if its the homeless guy or the

injured animal. We walk with a deeper sense of humanity and a greater responsibility.

I have learnt to be a warrior of light, to speak up, to be uncomfortable and to do

the things I even dislike… as this is part of MY OWN personal growth path.

GONE is the doormat Colleen, hello to this fiery woman warrior who has choice,

who has decided to be herself, no matter what.

I Chose to LOVE myself as I am. I make me happy because….I can, and so can you!



Image result for aquarius


A vocation

A Vocation (www.growingfree.co.za)



Last week, I launched my new school. I call it a ‘school’ because it is a place where children will come to learn, but it is unlike any school most of you have known. It is based on the principle of natural learning (also called life learning and unschooling), where children are trusted to learn from their real life experiences and from making their own choices.

I don’t know when the seed for this idea was planted, but in the last few years and months it has grown at such a rapid pace I feel a little dwarfed by my own dream. It is now a real physical space and I’m meeting real children and parents discovering how we will work together. I could have planned for a few more years. I could have found a few more obstacles to stall me. But the need inside me pressed and pressed, and the need I saw around me squeezed and squeezed until the path in front of me narrowed to such an extent that there was only one way to walk forward with sure steps. My gait is sure not because this way is without uncertainty. Indeed, it is shrouded and misty, and the future waits somewhere beyond the bends. But I am guided by a voice deeper than my own, deeper than those of society. I feel called, and finally, after a few years of feet shuffling in the leaves, of head bowed to my own desires, I am responding.

Vocations are in general I believe, linked to what we enjoy, to our passions. But they also carry a heavy weight of responsibility. Vocations are never indulged in for pleasure alone, but to make some important difference in the world, be it in brick-laying or business. So we often feel reluctant to follow our vocations. They demand difficult and uncomfortable transitions, and hard work to stay on the path. They might not bring happiness, but they do usually bring peace, fulfillment, and the cessation of avoidance. Colleen of the Midlands House of Healing* is someone steeped in this kind of peace. It is her vocation to help others find theirs. She does so with integrity and effort. She has a deep respect for the responsibility her gifts carry. They are not hers to use for only her own gain, or to secret away. She is who she is for a purpose.

The energy work Colleen has been performing on me for little over a year has helped clear away doubts and open up channels of strength that were always mine but were hidden. Little by little she has made it clear to me what I am capable of. With the knowledge of my own power came the responsibility to exercise it. Once my eyes were opened, I had to see. And what I see is children being coerced into moulds which don’t fit. They are being asked to bend until they break. And I see how few options are open to the children in our community. Some are bowed beneath the burden of too many expectations. Others are hobbled by the lack of them. Half of all South Africans live in poverty. Their access to education is almost non-existent. They will never read these words or any like them. Their ability to effect change is constrained. You who read this have a world of choices, a depth of privilege that is hard to fathom. And although we are not poor, the problem of poverty is ours to own just the same. How can we slice into the cycle which keeps each generation trapped into the tight circle of possibility handed to them by their parents’ circumstances?

It would be easier for me not to try something new. It would be easier for me to stay quiet and tucked into my own little world. I am just one small person after all. But it is just this truth which has given me the courage to try. Because I was never going to fix the world. All I can ever control is myself. My thoughts, my actions, my intentions. My vocation. We can each only ever do our part. But what if each one of us actually did?

*Colleen of the Midlands House of Healing sponsored this post. She and I made an exchange between us which left us both richer. To engage in the work of your calling book a session with her on 084 603 0604. Through my school Growing Free I offer you a chance to share in such abundance. I am looking for sponsorships for the children of local farm workers to attend our self-directed learning centre. Fees are R800 per month. Please contact me if you would like to join us on this journey (c.raciborska@gmail.com).




Narcissist, sociopath and the empath} for future healers. . .



Based on a true story.  Story #1

Once upon a time, there was a naiive healer promoting herself to all who would listen, little did I know the lesson, I would learn here.

It started with an innocent reiki session scheduled by the narcissist boyfriend, for his girlfriend, and it grew into everyday visits. I realized due to her fragile mental state after her divorce, her dependency on cocaine and her responsibility to her 2 girls, that I would give her a reiki attunement, a clean slate. I carried her karma for 6 weeks.  The first 3 months, she blossomed and then her boyfriend returned and so did the cocaine addiction.


The next 3 months was hell, she sapped a lot of energy and I could feel her slipping down the dark path, wanting to help and serve, I gave it my best shot. Six months later, the end of 2009, I had been drained of my life force, I needed to go to India to get rebooted and healed. That December, her boyfriend visited us, only to look me in the eye and say, I saw you and you were a easy target, so I led her to you, so she could sap you and I could go on my adventure without her. My heart sank and I told him, did you never think of her kids? I forgave him and I forgave her. I realized, I cannot save anyone, they need to want to be heal themselves. I am just the vessel. I must protect me at all cost. I will not venture down the road of being drained by anyone.


Story # 2

We met by coincidence, a fellow client had introduced us and they popped into visit us, all friendly and nice.

Three years later, she came for treatments every month to help with her depression, anxiety and ptsd. She was at her witts end financially and emotionally. She begged for help and me being me, I said I would help. We shifted into her space, we attracted clients, I cleared the energy, I lifted the vibration of the place and it attracted business, they bought a new car, their banking account was flowing, they went on 6 vacation weekends.

I did all of that. They had a flush reality, until a young man came to visit us and he was a recovering addict, this sparked her jealousy, her anger, and her wrath against me. I sat their listening to her anger, her getting into my character, telling me that she didn’t want this space to be a “reiki”space. I drew a line in my head and said no more.

I told my partner, she played us well, she got exactly what she wanted, money, new car, flush existence, I will not give anymore.

It was time to move on.  Lesson: People lie especially sociopaths to get their way and they will play on the empaths emotions and use you until they no longer need you.


 Story # 3

We met online, he was in a bad space. He had been in a accident and had both his arms broken, he suffered with Ptsd, unable to work for 6 months already. Everyday for 2 years, I sent him healing, everyday prompting him to do more, walk to their gate, walk to the shop, go and get your  license  disc sorted out.  Time to go to a workshop, so he could work again. Everyday, it was time, counselling, reiki and now 2 years and 4 months, later, a realization hit me.

Lesson :

The universe hit him with karma of an accident for change, why because PAIN is our greatest teacher. If you don’t love yourself enough to change, to grow, to become the best possible person, you live in denial,  you live a life of eat, shit, sleep, a 5 sensory life which is NOT spiritual. If your ancestory has been destroyed and you have no spirit connection, then you have  a duty to repair it and start to speak your truth and live your truth.

If you live a dualistic life with your family and another when they are not looking, you are being fake with yourself and others and you are not SPIRITUAL at all. You are therefore a narcissist and have way more problems living on the pain you create, because you have no love.

Life lesson : People lie. Narcissist are attracted to Empaths, like a moth to a flame because they have NO love and will suck on you like a VAMPIRE.  Important for you to CUT ties and LET Go.

You once again cannot save anyone, SELFLOVE is an inside JOB and learning these hard lessons, have left physical scars and emotional scars. (I’m over it….

So if you are new to this healing game, protect you, give your heart to no one and Love yes, but be sure to protect all of you, your relationships, your home, your space, your existence, always.

Don’t be naiive, “bad”people exist. . .  be Conscious of it.