N e e d is NOT love


In every crisis, I saved you, when you were hungry, I fed you,

I hoped for a inkling of love and acceptance, instead, you

manipulated me with your chaos, you rejected me, and

made me feel inadequate. Every spec of me held onto that hope.

It was all good when you needed me, but

need is not love. LOVE is love, it flows from the heart, it is a DIVINE

force which rests within us, which is freely given and freely received.

I wish you knew the difference, I wish, you could see the web of chaos,

you create with your unconscious decisions, I wish.

To love is to nurture you, to exercise, to do yoga, to take vitamins,

to be the best possible you. The best of you when loved is not

phased by your waist size or your weight or any negative aspect of you.

You are just loved, every roll, every line, every inadequacy is overlooked.

You are accepted, and everyone’s opinion does not matter because you are loved by you.

LOVE is LOVE. It happens. . .

Love yourself.

Love your partner.

Love your pets.

Love your life.

Be happy. Share Joy.

Be… you.

Be happy.


Saying I do . . .


When I met my partner 18 years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted, I made a list, I ticked off every aspect which was good and never thought that this person would change my life and change me.  (Male driven me..at the time)

Being in a relationship takes work, you become responsible for every aspect of your life with this person, reason being  woman are naturally more responsible for creating, that being said, you need to understand that running a home, having a job, being a wife, a lover, a mother, literally changes every aspect of you.

The change from being a single person, as you begin to realize, you need to “mother” your partner, ensuring he takes his stuff, ie. Cell phone, wallet, keys with him, or you are left feeling frustrated every time you have to turn around and go fetch his stuff, at home.

You adapt, you juggle, you plan, you start being efficient and make plans intuitively have back up plans, if and when, he forgets, or caused some chaos at home. (leaving the gas on or the washing machine tap running flooding, the house)

Our brains are then divided into 5 roles and then some, because we enjoy a flowing life and not a chaotic one.

Having 5 different roles to play is exhausting, and sometimes all you want is 5 minutes to yourself to complete a thought, to daydream about the past, or just 20 minutes to take a nap. ME time becomes this treasure that keeps evading you.

Here is the KEY! = You are the boss. You are the boss of your relationship and how you manage your time, how you nurture or neglect you.

After turning 40 this year, I have been changing a few things in my life, to make my life better for me.



Rule  1 :

Only I can make me happy, to ensure my happiness, I choose to affirm that ‘this’ or that makes me happy, and if it makes you unhappy, don’t do it with me, simple. It is your own responsibility to make you happy, I cannot do it for you, simple.

Rule 2 :

NO means NO!   simple, I don’t need to justify why or what.

No is no.

Rule 3 :

Ask for Help. I can multitask but sometimes, I am tired and 5 minutes of some tlc like rubbing my feet would be appreciated. Noted!  And action taken . . .  will be reminded frequently….of this one.

Rule 4 :

Nurturing is easy. Love yourself by Taking your vitamins (vit b complex, vit c, iron, dolomite, just to name a few).  Do Exercise. Do yoga, meditate, Reiki you every day or go for a massage / reiki session to keep you feeling loved and nurtured. You either nurture or neglect you. When you neglect you…you give people your scraps, and not your best.

Rule 5 :

Do your best. When you do your best, you run the race called life with yourself, and no one else matters.  So, keep focus on what is important and let the worries fall away.

The most important part is to choose to be happy and manage every aspect of your life with ease, as if it takes no effort, this is the making of a True Warrior, a big hearted woman.







Negative P l e a s u r e




Growing up, we all experience negative pleasure.

We are punished by a hitting of the hand and receive attention which

we crave for, as kids. The truth is being a naughty brat, brings both pleasure and pain.

We become accustomed to receiving pleasure and pain, in this case the neuro pathway is created.

Our brain and emotional self recognises the pain to both pleasure and pain.

We gossip. We bad mouth. We complain. We vent. We bitch. We affirm the negative, it

all becomes comfortable, until the self sabotage shadow self takes over and then,

it becomes the normal pattern to be negative all the time and speak it, think it, affirm it.

You loose your vitality, you loose money, you are in debt and you wonder how it all happened?

When you affirm the negative, you tap into that paradigm of living a 5 sensory life

(work, eat, shit, sleep, no awareness = SHEEP).

You begin to live without SELF love, Joy, Happiness, peace, harmony, guidance by your higher self.

To be truly happy, you need to LOVE yourself and live in harmony with yourself and others, while

listening to your intuition and disciplining yourself to NOT give into your negative inclination.

Make no mistake, this is NOT easy, it is far easier to affirm the negative, but it only feeds YOUR EGO,

not your spirit.

Feeding your spirit is feeding the good aspects of yourself, the LOVE, the forgiveness,

the JOY, the pleasurable aspects of being a positive human being.

LOVE and Gratitude is the HIGHEST vibration in the UNIVERSE.

DR EMOTO researched and completed vast experiments on rice and water, blessing and

cursing these items and the outcome was, to LOVE and To be Grateful is the best way

to live and to NURTURE ourselves and  the Planet we live on.

So, How will you change?

Will you keep polluting your mind and our planet and Those around YOU?

Or turn it all round and live a LIFE of LOVE and Purpose?

I stand at the door of your heart and KNOCK, will you let the LOVE in………

If you need help, contact me 084 603 0604, lets embark on a healing journey for you!







When I was a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child,

I believed all people were good, I believed that we should all try to be

good people, but growing up and leaving my childish ways behind me,

I have learnt that people will only do to you, what you allow.

I have learnt that if you make someone dependent on you, they will return with

even more demands.

I have learnt, if you keep “taking” on someone else’s problems, you are not giving

them room to stand up for themselves.

I have also learnt, that a good tree, is known by its FRUIT, good decisions are hard and

being disciplined with your time and energy and your relationship takes work.

Every aspect of being an adult is difficult.

We have to take care of yourself, your home, your car, your finances, your groceries, your

life. When you are a kid, you can play until you fall over, you imagine being an adult is cool.

When you mature as we all do, we begin to realise what responsibility is.

I have been responsible for myself and others for many times in my life,

I take this life seriously, because I don’t like karma or consequences, so I tread carefully in my life.

YES< I am human and I make mistakes, then I readjust myself and learn from them all the time.

Truth is I have matured, into being me, some like it, some don’t.

Being mature means being discerning also :

Say NO and mean it.

Learn to mind your own business.

Don’t try to save anyone, we are all adults, lets give each other the space to sort our shit out.

Those who keep recreating the same problems, means they either addicted to the drama or they like chaos.

Don’t carry anyone, make an effort to put anyone else’s problems down and don’t let your attention venture to it.

LOVE yourself to enough to keep focus on your life, Your love, your journey because this is what makes you happy.

Be disciplined with yourself, I once had to learn the hard way about keeping my energy safe, don’t squander who you are for anyone.

SOME straight talk for today!

Keep Happy!… and all else flows..to you.


Warriors of motherhood


Warriors of Motherhood, Written by Caitlin Koch  (warriorsofmotherhood.co.za)

I have been thinking about this one for a while and I am going to be brave about writing it. I’m going to put some sensitive things up today. So grab your warrior shield, sharpen that spear and maybe have a box of tissues close because I know I’m going to cry writing this.

First off, falling pregnant, pregnancy, birth and recovery from birth were all very easy for me. I was very blessed that I didn’t suffer from any issues. Very blessed. That possibly doesn’t even cover it because there are so many issues for some many couples around these topics. And I say couples. Yes, a lot of it (not always though) is to do with the female body but your men suffer just as much beside you. They might not understand this need you have to be a mother and bear children, but looking at you in pain and suffering is  hard on them too.

Andrew and I went on this amazing Eurotrip in Dec 2013 and we decided on that trip, the next year would  be the year to fall pregnant. I went off the pill in beg of March and by April, we were telling our family Christmas might be hectic because David was due on the 24th December (Christmas turned out to be an anti-climax because my son and niece decided they weren’t ready yet!). Before I went off the pill, I went to see our family GP and said right, I want to have a baby.  Blood tests, weight checks, full body check out was in order. And we found out I have an underactive thyroid. Now the thyroid is super important in pregnancy because what happens is in the first 12  weeks, your thyroid is producing all the hormones you need to sustain the baby. And then at 12 weeks, your baby’s thyroid has grown big enough that it takes over this job. This is why miscarriage at 12 weeks is common because your thyroid has been providing the hormones and then the baby’s thyroid is not ready to take over so the hormone level drops. I had to be medicated my whole pregnancy and now for the rest of my life too. I had a lot of blood tests during my first and second pregnancy to monitor my  thyroid and adjusted medication as needed.

I loved being pregnant. I wasn’t sick. I felt energised and it just worked with me. In terms of having a baby, in our group of friends, Andrew and I were up there with the first pioneers going forth into the unknown so I wasn’t really aware of how often miscarriages and the loss people were experiencing happened.  As time carried on, it became more and more apparent to me what a rare case I was. And I started to feel  bad. And it’s not saying that I don’t want people to talk about it. I really do. The more we share with each other, the more we understand, the more help, support and love we can offer each  other. But I felt bad because I felt like I hadn’t truly realised the situation I was in and  was I nurturing my little soul in my belly enough? And then I stopped myself. Just because I didn’t suffer does not mean that my baby isn’t a miracle. Of course it’s a miracle. Every single child on this planet is a miracle. Every person is a miracle. Whether they were conceived naturally, under  the full moon, whether they were created in a sterile clinic environment, or whether a mom just needed an extra boost of meds to help her get her body as ready as it could possibly be to carry this miracle for 9 months. Every single being is a miracle and we need to cherish that.

Once I had gotten over this feeling, I started going for reflexology. Do not do this in your first 3 months of pregnancy. It is not advised. I loved going, it was my one afternoon a month where I could just kick back, get my  feet rubbed and I felt like  I was really gelling with David. I felt like we were in sync and all was going to be ok as long as we had each other.

Robert on the other hand is another story. David was about a year and a half and my hubby and I decided that it was maybe time to start trying again. And you hear of people battling with their second child sometimes. Not here. Andrew and I basically looked at each  other with mating eyes and I was pregnant. I was pregnant again. I had just got my body back from being pregnant, breastfeeding for 8 months, and now I was doing it again. I went to the doctor again earlier in that  year to discuss the second pregnancy and to do my blood checks. I needed to lose more weight before I fell pregnant with my second. I hadn’t lost the weight I wanted to and I was pregnant. I felt like it had happened too soon.  I wasn’t going to have enough time with David. What was going to happen with work? And I have never told anyone how I was really feeling because I know what a miracle children are. I know countless women who have  suffered miscarriages. I know women who have had to be medicated to ovulate. I know women who have had to go IVF and down that path. I know women who are trying  to fall pregnant and it’s still not happened.  And know that I think you women are so brave. Being a mother is hard but I can’t even imagine the pain and loss that one would feel losing that. My boys are my life. Or not being able to experience becoming a mother and this was your ultimate dream. YOU WOMEN ARE WARRIORS. You go out and are happy at every birth announcement that isn’t your own. You go to every baby shower with a gift in hand and smile on your face. And that must be outrageously hard. You are walking your own path but please, look left, look right, we are all beside one another in this sisterhood. We need to be there to support each other. Motherhood or not. Being a mother doesn’t make you better than anyone else. It might make you more tired but it does not give us a podium to stand on and  receive accolades or complain that your life is hard because your child won’t sleep in  their own bed. Everyone’s life is hard. Those who choose to have children. Those who try and can’t have children and those who choose not to have children. How  you deal with hardship in your life and the attitude you face it with is what guides your path to happiness or sorrow. It is all within your control.

And here I was, upset because it had happened too soon in my head – here I chose to walk a path of sadness alone and it was lonely. I called up my reflexology lady and she had retired so I asked my sister if she knew anyone. She had spoken about Colleen a bit before and said I should maybe  try her as she knows that Colleen has treated pregnant women before.

I arrived at Colleen’s (late – it’s a Koch thing) and rushed in there. I thought I had a smile on my face but Colleen got me to lie down on the bed and promptly said ‘You pissed off about being pregnant’. I looked at her in shock and said Um no I’m not, I’m very happy about it. She laughed and told me my body is saying something else. And so it unravelled. And as Colleen massage my body and listened, I let go of my fears, my worries, my anger. I said the things I hadn’t said to anyone because how can I be thinking these things when the world is such an unfair place and children are miracles. Afterwards, she told me its ok that I’m pissed  off but we going to change that now and you are going to get in sync with that little soul inside of you. I walked away feeling lighter and brighter than I  had in a long time. And for the first time, I felt happy about being pregnant. I started to imagine my little family of 4. I went to Colleen for the rest of my pregnancy once a month. And I still go.  She resets me. Aligns my spirit with my true self and picks me up. Colleen used to run an office for Tracker in Cape Town and she turned her whole life around to find a place where she was happy. She’s lived in India(ask her about her time there, amazing stories), she does reiki, sports massage, repair massage – I like to call this soul repair and  she lives in this gorgeous little cottage with husband in the Karkloof. She beats her own Warrior drum and marches to her own beat. She is a Warrior of Healing. She writes wonderfully and you can find her blog here


I had Robert on the 3rd March this year and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life is not perfect but I feel like its damn near close to my perception of perfection. My miracles are both perfect to me. I sometimes look back and wonder what if I didn’t go to Colleen? Would Robert have turned out like he did? How would I have been as a mother to two children?  I don’t know. There are a lot of sceptics in this world and you must believe in your own truth because it is you who lives in that world. My own husband is a sceptic. But I still go to Colleen. At the end of the day, I leave there feeling better and no one can take that away from me.

In support of my blog, Colleen has very kindly offered the following:

Lucky Draw for Articles submitted to The Warriors of Motherhood blog

Free Reiki and Counselling session valued at R600

I’ll give you 2 weeks to submit your articles to me and do a draw at the end of the month

Email your articles to raciborska@gmail.com









Be better

Be better by Claire @ http://www.growingfree.co.za


In my childhood, through my youth and young adulthood I had little idea of the tigress that lived inside me. She stalked my life in silence, tail twitching, eyes glinting. My daughter grew alongside her in the depths of my womb. The day that my daughter was pulled out of my belly, in a blur of fluorescent light, green-robed attendants and mechanical whisperings, a glimmer of light snuck in and played over the fur of the fearsome beast. She knew then that the time for her to escape had come. My daughter was carried away from me, leaving me alone in my body once more, and the tigress clawed her way up and into my heart. Now here she sits, ears pricked and claws sharp. She waits for injustice, she looks for lies. All her force and power is now mine. I became more fully myself. I became whole and healed even as I was cut open and pulled apart. 

The world needs this tigress, and so does my daughter. Who will fight for my child if I do not? Who will fight for truth and light and goodness and God if I do not? My daughter deserves better than this world. All our children do. We must find our courage in the depth of their need. Love for our children is seeded in this dependence. And it asks of us to reach deeper and be more than we ever have before. Each of us carries wounds unhealed, truths ignored, and sins disguised. These stains leach onto our children. We will never love them if we cannot love ourselves. They will never be good enough if we are not. We have no chance of guiding them to good health if we ignore our own. If we cower in fear of others’ opinions and expectations, so too will they. If we let evil slip by us unchallenged they will never learn right from wrong while under our care. Their salvation lies in our own. And our salvation rests in our willingness to fight for truth and seek out healing.

You can be better than you are. I am not referring to your bank balance, or your status, your calorie count or your circle of friends. The ways in which each of us gets closer to who we are truly meant to be are diverse and infinite. Because you and your path are unique. You might lean towards your full potential by pounding roads at dusk as you hone your body for greatness, you might find it in the early morning light dappling your yoga mat, or your prayer rug. You might enroll for therapy* and exorcize demons, or give away your money and exorcize clutter. You might start a business, or have a baby, or travel the world, or build a house, or heal others, or simply pay unfailing fastidious attention to the quality of your life.

You can shine so bright all the world is dazzled by your light. And you really don’t need to give a fuck if anyone else finds that inconvenient. For those seeking to hide, the volume of your truth can be overwhelming, distasteful or offensive. These people cannot hurt you, and they should not deter you. They serve your purpose, because they show you just where the dark spots lie.

To know the extent of my power is thrilling. It is also terrifying. I let this fierce and beautiful creature prowl around in the dark for years and years because I was afraid. I was fearful not of her power but of the responsibility it brought with it. To know my own strength would be to know my responsibility to acknowledge injustice, and to do everything in my power to right it. I am still dominated by this reluctance. I want, more than anything, for this to not be my burden. But my need is greater. Her need is greater.

And what we need, all of us, is to walk with the light.

*This post was sponsored by Colleen of Midlands House of Healing. While I credit the emergence of my tigress to my daughter, Colleen did much of the coaxing. Over a year of monthly treatments she left invisible messages of courage, wiped away the grime of confusion and let me transform within a cocoon of love. We tend to think of massage as a treat, an indulgence. But self-transformation is something we owe the world more than ourselves. Seek out what help you can on the painful road to change. Keep moving forward, for all our sakes.

R o m a n c e – The real stuff, not Hollywood crap



Dear Reader,

If you are a romantic and believe the fairy tale stories from Hollywood of what to

expect in a relationship, STOP! reading now.

If you would like to know the real romance about what life is made of, read on.

I married young because I am totally in love with this man, he is my world, I expected a

knight in shinning armour romance, he proposed to me and I said yes.

He would jump out of the car and pick flowers at the traffic light while other drives hooted at him.

He would write me Love letters in CAPITAL letters because that’s his writing, as you can see,

it really isn’t what the romantic movies and novels broadcast.

He is romantic, he makes me lunch and dinners and does the laundry, and tumble dries

my towels before I shower, so I can have warm towels. He hangs my favourite painting next to

our bed. He will happily fix the object I have broken, even though, I am now on the 8th

can opener in 18 years, and he cannot understand it, but he tolerates my excessive strength.

He has saved me many times, when I fell when abseiling in Cape Town, he helped me stand up,

he taught me to drive, he made me eat when I was dying of food poisoning, he would take me

to the doctor when I was sick and stubborn.   In the same relationship, I have carried him home

when he sprained his ankle, I would bath him, when he hurt his back and literally drive him to the

hospital and back, I would force him to go to the doctor, when I couldn’t fix what was happening to him.

I would carry him, give him a 2 hour lecture and help him heal any injury: his back, his legs, his body,

anything, because I know he would do the same for me.

We are a team, but it isn’t the fairy dust and roses romance, its different.

Now, he just needs to hold me and say he loves  me, appreciates me, and is blessed to have me in his life, and  I

am sorted. I no longer need the fancy dinner, because he cooks it anyway.

I’m a foodie, so delicious food homemade is what I love.

Romance comes in many forms, even making me a cup of tea when his not busy, is a hug in a cup.

Create your own Romance, because YOU can.

Appreciation and LOVE goes a lonnnnggggggg    way,  going on 18 years and counting.




Have you been catfished?


What is a catfish?  Catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

I have been catfished, many times in my life. (not anymore)

It basically started in my 20’s. (I was young and naiive)  I purchased a computer, I uploaded Microsoft chat and icq

and I joined a singles chat room in South Africa. What I learnt was funny, disappointing and

hard to swallow!  so here we go  :

  1. When people describe themselves:  Tall and handsome it meant  – short and fat. A nerd and an introvert person meant a gothic type person.   Each person  I met in real life, was not what they described on line, they either were the complete opposite, or they LIED about everything!
  2. The personal information people share online, via whats app, facebook, twitter, bbm channel or any other social media – we start to create this magical person in our heads which is a figment of our imagination, you are creating a expectation which surely will lead to disappointment! I know it….
  3. When you eventually meet this person, you have been chatting to for a year or 2 or 3 years, you like WTF – who are you, you certainly NOT what I pictured. You are not the person who drinks 3 cups of coffee or smokes 20 cigarettes, in my head, what did you do with the invisible you? The person, I liked.
  4. When described as …I am loving, kind, spiritual, gentle and easy to live with. – When you share this information with someone they form a picture of you, this picture, doesn’t say you wear black clothes or spend 2 hours in the bathroom. All these good character traits are relative, my kind of spiritual is waking up early, doing exercise, yoga, meditation and prayer, this is my spirituality, it isn’t if you are not a morning person. (your not spiritual)
  5. Truth is – people cannot speak their truth if they are not 100% honest with themselves. I am. I know I can be kind and gentle and loving and I know I can easily unleash my warrior on you, bad ass instantly.
  6. Online pictures, all of my pictures are current and it is exactly what I look like. If you have  pictures of 20 years ago online and promote yourself as being young, and you are 40 something, wake wacky please wake up.
  7. When meeting a stranger, ensure you are meeting in a public place, because if they lie so easily, you need space to run away, ie to the toilet….keep running, jump through the window..keep running unfriend, block, delete.
  8. Gut feeling : your gut feeling is your intuition, if you are NOT feeling it, escape, say no this is not for me. (run)
  9. Don’t people please, if you don’t like someone say so and MOVE on, don’t stick in their hoping they will change, I promise they won’t.
  10. Blind dates  – Don’t let anyone set you up! so far, this hasn’t worked for me….. it just becomes a painful exercise.
  11. Does he or she fulfil me?  Physically? Emotionally? Intellectually? Sexually?  Is he or she intelligent? Take the time to figure out if this person is for you. Do you either choose to grow together and strengthen each other?Don’t sleep together on the first date, as it takes a year or more to figure anyone out, there is no short cut.
  12. KNOW what YOU Want?  Make a list of what you want in a partner, likes/ dislikes, what you want… it is that simple. Then let it go and know that person is on the way.
  13. Meet People IN Real LIFE, not in a bar, or a pub, somewhere neutral like a yoga club or gym, become friends FIRST before any hanky panky!  Lets NOT be Naiive….(people have baggage)
  14. LOVE yourself ENOUGH to know your self worth, don’t settle for scraps, wait for what you want!  no shortcuts.
  15. Be confident in your ability to attract your soul mate, nothing else will do, be authentic enough to wait, nothing worthwhile is instant.    Happy Visualizing and lets delete the catfish.   I  hope this made you laugh and laugh!!

Sex, Shower, Shit, Shave, r e p e a t = Life



So, I turned 40 this year and I have decided to be honest, outspoken and choosing to do what makes me happy.

I also realized why most people have a midlife crisis at this stage.

The point is when you reach 40, you are either halfway through with this life or you have another 60 years to go.

If you have not been living a happy life, well, it kind of hits you! Instantly!

At 40, it feels like your life is this timeline playing right before your eyes.

You have sex, but tomorrow, you will probably have it again, it’s that feeling which is never sated…

or  for a short while  it is….and then you need it again…

You have to shit and shower every day, it is part of the human process of being clean and getting dirty.

Shaving, well, I am starting to neglect this chore,

because if I look down at my legs and see a forest on my legs, I will shave it, but now, I am calling it maintenance shaving, I am not spending 30 minutes on getting it,  ultra smooth finish, nope, I just maintain it so I don’t have this bush of

armpit hair or leg hair that freaks me out….


Life seems to be on a repeat button, it somehow feels like that.

I have made some changes for me.

I have gifted all my bras to someone in need, so I now own only 1 bra and the rest is sports bras which are far more comfortable for me.

I have started writing more so I can understand where I am at. 

I have 7 books looking at me and I try and read every day to keep my brain healthy and functioning.

About 3 months ago, I started using my weights and my training routine combined with walking, because, I want to keep fit and  be stronger, so I am becoming more agile which is good for anyone, at any age.

This year, I also decided to stop people pleasing which includes visiting friends, that I don’t like,

to keep my partner happy, I just say NO thanks and carry on being in my space, which is my happiest space ever. 

I don’t feel the need to justify what I feel, if it is not for me, well, I will just say so.

Hair, hair, hair everywhere, those who have straight hair want curly hair and vice versa, I have basically tried everything from blow drying to relaxing to straightening to dreading it, what works is to wash and condition it and to braid it into different styles and fashions every day, which it takes 15 minutes maximum, so its easy peasy.

What to wear? I have undertaken to dress like a Goddess when I am not massaging anyone, which means I look and feel good about myself more, and of cause my husband notices which is awesome!

The American Indians believe that when they go into battle, they should look their best, just in case its their last mission, so how about we make the effort to look amazing for ourselves and be Divine Goddess’s every day, when we can.

Being at peace with yourself is a wonderful feeling which I wish for every woman and man, so keep journeying within on this story of life.




F u n c t i o n a l : Women



Being functional is what the world promotes,

Work, eat, shit, shower, sleep, repeat,  rush, hurry, hectic, stress, drama, chaos, the male driven persona requires us …to ….rationalise things into :

                   I must, I should, I have to . .

No time for rest, rejuvenation, healing, nurturing,

Taking time to connect with the female self.

Being dedicated to a profession is hard work,

If it’s a job, you are dedicated for a salary.

If it’s a life purpose, you are dedicated for a higher purpose, for the highest good possible.


It definitely depends on your attitude and personal

Preference as to how you approach, this topic.

We all try and live out our passion, our balance, our happiness.  Throw in the bills, expenses, debt, kids, and life becomes very interesting and stress filled.

The balance between personal sacrifice and fully functional comes into question.

Being functional in a job, doesn’t mean you have your emotional self sorted out, it can mean that you have subdued your female self which is the FUN, Loving,

Filled with laughter, creative self.

The part of you that enjoys life, that isn’t too serious and this part of you loves pleasure, orgasms, sex, fun,

Dressing and Eating well, not overworking yourself and

Not making a doormat of yourself.

I want to say the answer is simple, love yourself, but

I know this is no easy task.

Starting with boundaries to say NO! to some of the endless demands placed upon women or men.

Gaining your confidence by investing in yourself with a healthy diet of good stuff and chocolate.

Yoga, meditation, reiki and massage to keep yourself balanced in order to be the best possible person you can be.


Touch, love, feeling, being is all part of living a holistic life for yourself, over and over again, I am confronted with my dominant male self which happily takes over and my female self that says wait, this maybe isn’t the way to do it.

If we decide to freeze out the pain, we also freeze out the love, joy, happiness, and that emotion is frozen within ourselves, until we release it and accept that aspect of ourselves.

We become male driven because showing of any femaleness is a seen as a weakness, we are talked out of our feelings, our needs, our desires, our wants, but

We are this force which holds families, loved ones, jobs, visions together for this world to function.

Lets tap into our female self, lets dress like a goddess.

Lets walk with grace and ease into what we are, woman of power.

Lets rise to every occasion for ourselves because we

Deserve to be seen for who we are.

Lets not subdue ourselves to conform, lets be immune to the conditioning of this world because we can be.

Lets be ourselves 100%, because we choose it.


By doing so, we start to change the world in changing ourselves into a complete, loved, whole human being wanting to pass this knowledge of power along to our friends, family, kids, siblings, to whomever will listen because, we can be free, to be woman of power.











Old School : Give away, Recycle, Reuse



This week, I have been doing a cleansing, not the type of cleansing you would think but the type that I really need to do often.

I cleaned out my cupboard and gave away what I no longer need. I happily enjoy 2nd hand clothes and enjoy receiving clothes which fit me comfortably, I don’t mind it, I recycle and re use.

I gathered the courage to throw my old sneakers away which I had for 7 years, Willem has glued and fixed it for me but alas, it was time, but I reused the inner soles and kept the laces for something else.

Willem and I have also attempted to cut bread and potatoes from our diet, the gluten in the bread affects our colon badly and our stomach becomes bloated and uncomfortable, that being said, we have replaced it with rice cakes/ rye crackers which cost 5 times more than normal bread, but most of the wheat is GMO genetically modified, I can tell you, my grandmother would not eat it, and so I shouldn’t either.

 My grandmother was a bit of a techno phobic type person, she didn’t like electronics or changing light bulbs, those were all my duties to do. She was a smart lady ,she kept me busy with chores and restricted my television time to 2 hours a day, I was sent to play outside or water the garden or pick the fruit from the trees, being outside was my grounding space. These days, I feel I need to use social media but Not get sucked into a fake world of approval and Fake emotions.

I do feel, it is a useful tool to be used for the highest good,  as most people find me that way, so yay!

but I still need to work in the garden and go for walks and be present with my energy here, so old

school is best for the health of my body, mind and spirit.

Electronics themselves have a vibration, so it is important to discipline the use of our electronics as it creates an addictive behaviour, I know it.

I place clear quartz at my computer and try and leave my cell phone, if I am not busy answering messages.

I feel as a human being, one has to keep the balance within, keep nurturing and cultivating a spirit of happiness, growth, inner journeying to keep me happy.

Getting to a space of disciplining and addressing oneself, teaches us to harness our energy and

Take control of ourselves, so we can be the best parts of ourselves.

So, I keep journeying on, to grow within and become more of me, myself and I.

Walking the path, one foot firmly in front of another becoming more aware of my impact on others, my own energy, the choices I decide upon and the path that opens up for me.

This week has been a time of reflection, sort of in line with the Jewish Yom Kippur, a time of inner reflection, forgiveness and change.

Sometimes its just time to change things, to unsubscribe from the newsletters, to put your cell phone aside, to unfollow the naysayers, to keep your psyche and conscience clean, so you can hear your inner voice clearer, so your spiritual connection grows and you begin to feel lighter, more loved, no matter what your shape, size, weight, height or bank account balance.

You begin to just be . . . YOU>!






Your hand



I place my hand in yours, I hold you.  I breathe.

I seek to enter into  the secrets of your body, the shadows, the deepest.

I feel the scars, I sense the hurt. A new journey awaits, a letting go,

a release, a deeper awareness. The love flows, it knows the contours

of your body, to release a memory. To access the parts of your heart,

the sense of love, the unconditional magic which lies dormant within.

You hold magic, to love, to cherish, to forgive,  to become all of you.

I want to transport and transform your body and soul and

take you to a place without worry, fear, anger, I want

you to enter your own utopia of spirit, to become whole,

complete, the real you.

It starts with a one footstep to become more loving, more authentic,

more you, to heal within, to be complete.

By CvH





When we think of having a partner, it is a romantic notion, a dream,

a knight in shinning armour, a completion but with most relationships,

it takes work, is it easy, NOPE!

When we think of a goal for our career, it takes dedication, hardwork,

sacrifice and discipline, is it easy, NOPE!

Embarking on a spiritual quest for oneself, going inside and figuring

out who you are, both aspects of self, light and dark, is it easy, NOPE.

Having kids, which naturally divides a womans brain into 5 categories,

wife, mother, worker, cleaner, shopper, etc. is it easy, NOPE.

Building a house, takes finances, planning, dedication,

sacrifice, is it easy, Nope.

Every aspect of what is worth living for seems simple, but it is not,

easy, we want easy and instant but that isn’t how life works.

There is nothing easy in life, because it just is so.

So, lets become tougher, lets put on our best selves and

just embrace it, because anything that’s worth it, is hard,

but its ok, you possess the tools to face it,

if not, come see me………….


lets go on a journey of self discovery!


Love to you my followers : -)




Kick the Bucket


I’m 40 but I feel like a 20 something.

I think of all that I have accomplished in 8 years :

I had a career in the corporate tumble dryer called life, tick done. (I worked for Tracker)

I went to India 3 times and loved it, I love Auroville, the freedom and the madness, tick done.

(I learnt to build houses with Satprem at the Auroville Earth Institute)

I learnt to drive in India, both a car and a motorbike, what fun.

I sold all my worldly possessions in 2008 and now 8 years later, it feels strange to

have stuff like furniture, it scares me because I once again acquired stuff which

naturally weighs one down, alas, its done…..

I and my hubby manifested a car in 62 days, this year,  wahoo! tick done.

I have read books on spirituality, 3 books at a time, tick done.

I have learnt to write blog, thanks to Keri – who said just write them, tick done.

I am learning how to hashtag # Thanks to Nicola – who explained how it works, tick done.

I had a intern from California, from a land far away, tick done. (we all grew)

I taught someone reiki who will be a Spiritual Minister at a college in the US, tick done.

47 Reiki students, including 2 Reiki masters, taught –  tick done.

Travelling to Cape Town to see my family, tick done. (they are still crazeee)

I have lived off the grid for 6 months, with no electricity or comforts, tick done. (I moved to a proper house)

I am living my dream, 3 vision boards later, a comfortable home, and a good life,

an awesome practise and clients who I totally love and appreciate.

I have assisted in creating babies with reiki, 18 babies, so far, tick done.

I have helped people pass over with reiki, tick done.

I have assisted a alcoholic of 20 years to kick the habit in 5 weeks, with reiki and massage, tick done.


I sincerely believe I can do anything, if I can imagine it, well I could do it,

the challenge is to have one part knowledge, one part intuition and one part

courage to just do it, not to doubt, not to talk it to death, but just to DO IT!

You will certainly be surprised by what you can achieve. . .   once you have a goal

or a visionboard.

I have kicked my bucket for sure.

I’m sitting at my oasis wondering, what is next, where to from here,

To be or NOT to be.

To create or to enjoy.

Or All of the above, Find a new vision to study?

I sit on the step of the unknown, waiting for that spark of Inspiration to

give me the vision from Spirit  …. what I am guided to…, I wait. . .  .


(PS*** Was invited to a different part of India yesterday….NEW GOAL, you bet!)






I never wanted an ordinary life.

A life of mundane, the same job, the same washing of dishes,

the same vacuuming of the carpet, the same cleaning of the bathrooms, ordinary.

Washing, Ironing, Functioning, Etc. = Wife

The mundane and boredom aspect of being a housewife hit me at the

age of 6. I watched my grandmother slave away for her kids

and grandkids. I watched the joys and deep sorrows that came with motherhood

that a father never experiences.

Ordinary. I never wanted a husband, I wanted a partner in crime, a adventurer,

a MacGyver, a wingman, a follower.

I certainly, got it. I have explored other countries, Namibia, Mozambique

and India. I adventure to different aspects of self, to explore the light and the darkness

of my soul.

Fact is I hate ordinary, the mundane, I seek amazing, exploring, risk taking,

being on the edge of a huge break through, an ageless utopia of creativity,

Divine intervention and  the flowing synchronicity.

I stepped into an unknown life, the adventurer of myself.

A richness which keeps growing as I age like a 20 something,

never to loose my spark, my laughter, my joy and most of all,

my happiness which no money can buy.

A deeper connection of spirit gets ignited and another journey begins within.

Find the extra ordinary in your ordinary.





Awaken Woman (or Man)



Awaken Woman (or man)

I speak to your heart. I want your spirit to hear me.

The sleeping empaths, subdued by all kinds of things,

pain, abuse, substance influences, trauma, hurt,

those on medications to subdue what they cannot explain.

I ask you to wake up, to listen to what your spirit says,

To hear the words of your intuition, to open up to the unknown,

the speechless words of wisdom.

I seek my tribe, I am lonely, I long for home,

but until I fulfil what I was sent to do, I cannot leave.

I need your help. I need you to live your spirit.

I seek to have justice where there is none.

I seek you stand up in the face of abuse.

I seek you to give words to the innocent.

I seek you to step into your fear, use it, step onto the stone of your obstacles and conquer it.

I want you to know your shadow, let no one call you a doormat, a nice person,

a push over, as you are no longer those words.

I need you to step into your warrior, I need you to leave the box of your cage,

your comfort, your luxury and choose to be uncomfortable because this is where you will grow.

Like a weed growing in the paving, you will reach forth to the sun and

you will be watered by the rain.

You need not the comforts of this world to fulfil you,

You need to step into who you were meant to be.

Free!  Free to live  your spirit, to kick the naysayers of

Unhappiness, depression, and an unfulfilled life.

Start living a free life.

Place the burdens of others aside, step into who you are.

For too long have you subdued who you are.

For too long have you been silenced because it wasn’t appropriate.

For too long have you walked the path of sacrifice, this Is not the path of spirit.

Start walking the path of discipline, do what you feel is

In your heart, listen to your intuition, and serve

The higher purpose you were meant to be as a woman or man,

A healer, a mother, a father,  a sister,  a brother, a son, a daughter, a wife, a husband,

A person with purpose, a fulfilled life, a life worth living

because you possess the magic that this world needs,

It doesn’t need a walking dead, it needs your spirit alive.

So, I ask again, stand up and awaken, I  await you.



Utopia by Claire (@ www.growingfree.co.za)



I found utopia. It is a place of beauty and simplicity. It is a place pervaded by joy. It is a place secret and hidden, because you must work hard to get there, and it is a place for everyone, because anyone can. Follow me down the garden path, and I will show you where it lies.

We receive a hundred messages a day telling us to chase happiness, and that it lies just around the corner, with the next purchase, or achievement. And no matter how fast we run, the tip of her furry tail always slips through our fingers, and all we catch is our breath as we lean on our knees, bent in exhaustion, burn-out and debt. But what if we’re chasing entirely the wrong kind of animal? What if our idea of perfection needs revising?

In terms of perfect worlds, utopia is usually considered a place without pain or conflict.

‘…Utopia in the past has generally been conceived as an isolated commune carved out within an otherwise imperfect world. Assets are held communally so that members are all economically equal. While the members work, the communal culture is antibusiness. There is no hierarchy, and consequently, no-one is ever fired, or ‘excommunicated’. The rules are so effective that the society is not only stable but unchanging. …There are no surprises and people need not struggle together toward a better future. In fact, there is no progress – since perfection has already been reached.’

– Scott Peck, A World Waiting to be Born

These versions of perfection have always failed, and they always will because they are antithetical to humanity, and divinity, and nature. Similarly in our personal lives, sterile static types of perfection which are effortless and painless will never arrive. And if they did, they would wreak untold damage on the fabric of our souls.

So what stands in perfection’s place? The bumpy dirt road that leads me there forced my pace to slow. I look long at the mountain rising above the forest, at the lambs playing by the fence. I listen closely to the birds chorusing in the branches, the shade thrown down from their realm like confetti upon my head. Stone walls guide me in, their knobbled texture beloved and true. I step out from my car and peace envelops me. Colleen of the Midlands House of Healing* meets us, and welcomes us in. For a little while, she has allowed us into this space which she so fiercely protects, and we will bask in the glow of her happiness. Because this is her utopia.

Renowned psychologist, author and community builder, Scott Peck believes that citizens of utopia welcome spirit into their personal and collective lives. ‘They believe in progress. They see themselves as growing psychospiritually. They are willing to accept the pain of growth and are eager for any surprising assistance they can receive from a Higher Power.’

Colleen works hard to create a clean life within a clean space, and she holds her life purpose firmly at its core. She is making a meaningful difference in the world doing what she loves. It doesn’t solve all her problems, but it does answer most of her questions. She protects that space daily with mantra, magic symbols, rings of salt, rose quartz, and sacred sounds. And yet she invites in the wounded, the hurting, the tired, and gives them an opportunity to heal. She walks the tightrope between outside and in, between finding peace and working for change. She knows that in the end joy is simple enough to find. The way lies in truths so profound and ancient that they sound empty and trite. They sit out in the open, filling up Pinterest boards of inspiration that are as easy to flick past as the rest of the clutter on your feed.

give what you would like to receive

do what you love

make a meaningful difference

find your purpose

stand firm

be kind

be honest

The words are scattered around carelessly because their meaning is hidden from view. It is only when you put yourself through the painful process of becoming yourself that you are able to peer within. When you become who you are – without society, your past (both triumphs and failures), your family, your job – then and only then can the whispers of the Universe make it to your heart. And they might, just might, lead you to utopia.


Do you believe in utopia? Where, when and how have you found it?

*If you contact Colleen on 084 603 0604 she might just welcome you in for a little while, as she did me.

Toxic, Toxin, and the effects on an empath

toxin food


The most important thing in my life is self love, nothing else is

as authentic, real and true. I check in with myself everyday because

I aim to live a intuitive, spiritual life, listening to my body and my spirit

for guidance. I know the rest of the world, does not live a spirit filled life

but, I believe that everyone can, if they are prepared to be dedicated to it.

toxic people


What is toxic to me?   These are outside of my control.


Chatter on going –  Negative talk, moan, groan, complaining

Affirming the negative and igniting YOUR pain body

Barking dogs

Ambulance sirens

Shopping mall buzz – energy buzzing

Anxiety from others.

Manipulative people
What is a Toxin? These are ingested items, within my control.




Meat eating over consuming

Drugs that hinder self growth

GMO food

MSG food substances


Is dealing with a negative person toxic for me as an empath?

The answer is yes.  If the person has anxiety, ptsd, insomnia and a eating disorder

then the answer is yes. Yes because the habits are fully grown and they emit a

negative vibration. Sometimes it  is to late to change as the mental disorder

has taken over and they cannot change, even using their free will, it isn’t possible.

For an empath, this is toxic, because they emit such a negative vibration

which is overwhelming, like  a beacon that amplifies the negative,

best to get out this situation as quickly as possible to restore your own balance

with reiki/ massage / walking / meditation, ensure you cut ties with this person,

because try as they might, they cannot do the inner self conscious work, because

they have learnt to live off the pain, the drama, the negativity of fear which makes

them tick. If you continue to give empathy, you ll get drained and be exhausted,

best to walk away.


I try to live a toxic and toxin free life, because I love  my silence, I enjoy my

life, my space, I love what I do and I love affirming it.

Living this life, changes you, you  begin to deal with yourself and hear your Inner voice clearer,

you become a cleaner, clearer vessel for the Divine spirit to reside in.

Your will to live becomes stronger when you begin to cleanse your body and

your environment of toxins and toxic people.

I instantly know, listening to my gut feeling, if I will connect with someone or not.

The bridge of human connection becomes slightly more difficult when that person

consumes meat, alcohol and other substances, it basically numbs the spirit and we

have nothing in common to talk about.

Our paths are different, our lives are different.

SO I CHOOSE TO be a hobbit, healer, shaman, therapist because if you don’t

know what reiki or massage or what my passion is, its going to be a awkward

and a difficult conversation.

Fact is, I am happy. I am happy in my space, my body, my life and

I don’t desire your approval, so I wont people please, I will speak my

truth, whether it be brutal or mean or harsh, because I am real.

Being authentic and real is part of loving yourself and saying NO!

is a huge part of self love, so start a new chapter, identify what

makes you unhappy and then fix it.

Happiness is a choice.

Happiness is a inside job.

Happiness fulfils what money cannot buy.

Happiness is a feeling which builds to contentment.
Choose  Happiness, it will be a awesome guide to your life.




Counselling + Distance energy healing

Reiki distance healing

Counselling is exploring the confines of one’s mind, one’s emotions, one’s true self.

Exploring the different aspects of our own pain, trauma, abuse, venturing into it, so we can heal ourselves.

I have found that just doing a counselling session is helpful to heal the inner wounds of our being.

Combining the different modalities of massage, Reiki,

Crystal healing and sound healing with counselling,

you are assisting the body to heal itself on different levels.

Our Intuition and our spirits knows exactly what we need to heal.

Accessing ourselves with LOVE and Compassion, we learn to grow within,

to begin to love our true selves,

Whole and completely.

Life is certainly not perfect, we are faced with adversity,

Unanswered questions, imbalances which all can be healed with some help.

If you’d like to embark on a journey of Healing you,

I offer a 7 day Reiki Distance Energy healing to address the different aspects of you :

Inner child


Adult self




Self Love

 Distance healing can be performed for you, anywhere in the world, or for a friend, or for yourself and your kids.

Feel free to email me  : midlandshouseofhealing@gmail.com

Whats app +27846030604

Cost is R200 per day, duration of 7 days (R1400)



#inner journeying

#heal me



Embark on an insights journey

embark within

8 years ago I returned to an unknown life.

I started in a town that is and will be conservative.

I revisited Bethlehem in the Free State this weekend addressing the confines of my own boundaries and limitations.

I have changed dramatically, I no longer have the inclination to take on another’s pain or

to have my pain body triggered by anyone.

I am able to freely stand up for myself and address whatever I need to say.

I no longer subdue the feelings I have because I choose to be me.

Some of the lessons have been hard, the ones that make you cry in the shower,

a deep sobbing that releases that dull ache within.

Here are some of the lessons I have learnt :

  1. I cannot change anyone, I must stay in my own SKIN.
  2. Respect their story of victimhood, bitterness, drama, anger, resentment. Listen but don’t get involved.
  3. Your story belongs to you : I don’t feature in your movie, thanks.
  4. The absolutes that people use : ie. I  can’t. I don’t, I m not going to is their inadequacy, leave it be.
  5. Fore-warn Intuitively : Sometimes you can warn someone and they will wipe the advise away and happily make bad life choices, let them. You are not responsible for them, so be detached.
  6. Discipline is a valuable tool  – kids and adults need it. Discipline yourself  to NOT jump in and save anyone. They will be ungrateful and unappreciative.
  7. Being of good character is an art that you practise everyday, by doing random acts of kindness. By doing anonymous good deeds. Living honestly with yourself and others. Listen but be sceptical, poor people don’t book holidays on their broke bank accounts, be discerning.
  8. Speak your truth. Bullshit, lies, manipulation, playing others, are all out there. Don’t conform to it. Be free enough to speak your truth.
  9. It is easy to moan, groan, complain, vent!  It takes a great deal of will to keep quiet and channel the energy into solving a situation, don’t be full of hot air and have no back bone, Stand up!
  10. Gratitude has a lasting effect on yourself and others. Showing appreciation, making eye contact, being present goes a long way of sharing your humanity. Be human, Be present, be here and now, not anywhere else. This MOMENT is true.
  11. Excuses : Identifying a problem and fulfilling it with an excuse every time enables a weak character. A Life is filled with excuses is not a fulfilled spirit life, stop making them and get off your ass and take action.

Self LOVE – when you love yourself you protect yourself by saying NO to what does not serve you, act, don’t be a doormat of self sacrifice, it defeats the purpose of learning.

 Living a LIFE of purpose is imperative : When you have purpose,

nothing else matters, so find yours and dedicate all of your efforts to it,

life is for the LIVING, go live it.





No Love. No Money.


I sit at your heart and knock? What do you love?

What would make you wake up at the crack of dawn, to do yoga, to pray, to get fitter?

I love what I do, I love helping others heal with massage, reiki and counselling.

The complete idea of doing what I love wakes me up and my day starts with

cats demanding milk and Pampers and did I mention, they love tea. (yes they are spoilt babies)

I digress.

LOVE : what is it? it is the indescribable passion of having fire in your chest to

do what You love, despite criticism and naysayers.

How can You start, if you have NO money?

Start with LOVING yourself. Start loving every aspect of yourself.

Start watching YOU TUBE videos about DR EMOTO and Water.

(We are 99% liquid, start LOVING you and Blessing You)

Start with watching  clips about What the bleep, do we know on YOU TUBE.

Start eating fruit and vegetables and drinking fresh water, automatically

you will start to change YOUR vibration, Your Energy.

Go for a walk everyday, get grounded.

When I started, I was to heavy to walk, so I jumped on my trampoline everyday.

You have to start, this is the most important journey of your life.

Next :  Clean and Cleanse and Detox your life.

Your House

Your wallet

Your cupboard

Your friendships

GIVE away what you no LONGER need.

Give 10% of what you earn away to someone in Need.

Share what you have with response ability. (no energy vampires, no parasites)

Many people think that having no money is a physical inadequacy but

Money is JUST paper. If you start to LOVE your life, your world,

you become RICHER, because of the quality of your life.

We have fresh running water.

We have fresh growing food.

We have electricity.

We have a home.

We have a good life.

Start re-enforcing the GOOD of Gratitude in your Life.

Say Thank you, offer Appreciation for all you have and to others.

Slowly, you start to change your energy and those around you,

you start to create a better Universe for You and Others.

It starts with Y O U.  What do you LOVE?



I’m no guru, I’m a warrior



I’m no GURU, it is true. I am just as human as you.

I have my faults and my failings, I am a woman seeking to discover my True Light,

to push my own boundaries, to learn about my limitations,

no matter how uncomfortable it is.

I believe in living a spirit filled life which means embracing all aspects of me:

my light which is joy, laughter, fun, light heartedness, forgiveness.

my darkness which is depression, fear, hardened hard, fault finding

my brat, my adolescent self, my adult self, my goddess self.

I believe as I journey on, I keep learning, I wipe the tears, I heal the heart, I keep moving,

as this is all I know. I choose to keep at it.

I once had my tarot read by a parot, he was pretty apt.

I once had my jyotish (hindu astrologer) read my life path in Tamil for 2 hrs,

after which he refused payment from me, he too was very apt.

I am human, I dream, I romanticise, I create, I am me.

I cannot be anyone else, but me, because I am happy.

I choose happiness everyday, because I love me, sometimes more, sometimes less.

Lessons have carved aspects of my warrior, the heartbreak, the endurance and

perserverance in whatever life throws my way, it has created who I am, me.

Warrior, Healer, Shaman, Therapist, Massager, Wife, counsellor, friend,

Partner, . . . .

In so doing, it has sculpted me for the path which lies ahead for the journeys

to be taken, for the lessons to come, I know I am strong enough to embrace

them all, I have a shield of blue light, an Ethane to cut  – whomever off, I step forward

leaping into it, because I can only move forward, the past is no more,

the future is unknown, all I have is this moment of leaping in, because

this is all I have.






Woman Warrior


Beauty is a feeling, not a look, it is an emotion, felt within.

I find beauty is an attitude, to overcome any obstacles.

Beauty no longer is the make up, you wash away or the hair extensions you remove

or the nail polish that fades away.

Beauty is a attitude, to be victorious when all has gone to shit,

when life knocks you down, its the ability to stand up!

To regain your composure, to wipe your tears and move on anyway.

Beauty is picking up the pieces when someone breaks your heart.

When someone disappoints you to forgive and forget.

Being beautiful isn’t manufactured, it cannot be bought.

It is a feeling within to overcome anything, when the chips are down.

I’m beautiful, I know it, and so are you.



Energy Vampires


You are Toxic. You  spread your negativity by stirring others with Anger,

Ego and Pain body. You installed a “safety”, I am your friend, I’m here,

to seek one’s vulnerability to get your hooks in firmer. I now see you for who you are.

You are the opposer, the toxic opposition, you feed off drama, chaos, dualistic existence.

You’ve played your part well, Mastered the victim role. You amplify the negative

and increase your toxin intake with cigarettes, caffeine, weed or food whatever numbs you,

so you feel less. You are NOT for me. I seek not your presence in my life.

You are dark, feeding off misery, stress, noise, mayhem, you have chosen a loveless path,

no self love, no joy, no happiness, the shiny, the money, the comfort fulfils.

A good tree bears good fruit, if a tree bears none, we cut it down, we start to pay

close attention to restoring it or let nature take care of it, as it dies off.

We live a short life, to realize how special love is, how choosing gratitude can

CHANGE  your entire Existance, how living in peace and harmony fulfils

the soul.  You chose, now live your karma, only you can change YOU.

I disappear in the distance becoming a memory, you only get one chance

and its  over, time to move on, your toxic and I no longer seek your

poison, as I love my soul.



Welcome Emer Ruby : Baby no. 16

Baby  no 16 (1) Baby  no 16 (2) Baby  no 16 (3) Baby  no 16 (4) Baby  no 16 (6) Baby  no 16 (7)

I met Megan 3 years ago, I still remember the very first Reiki session we had together.

Megan later sent her partner Karl and together we have embarked on a Healing journey.

Today, I met Emer Ruby Shelley, she is beautiful, being only 1 week old,

she is so precious and gentle, I had tears in my eyes all morning

at how beautiful this new life and spirit is.

She smells amazing, that new born baby smell with such expressive emotions, frowns,

growns, smiles and when she opened her bright blue eyes,

its as if she looked deep into my soul.

I have already fallen in love with baby no 16, Emer.

Megan has grown into motherhood and she is so amazing with Emer.

Yesterday, I reiki’d them together, synchronising their aura to flow together,

creating an amazing bond of LOVE.

I am blessed to have met this family, who have grown into their true selves.

Thank you and I honour you with this journey.

All my love.










Friendship is sacred. I don’t do shallow friendships, I don’t do surface.

I require a soul connection, deep bonding. Spirit to Soul.

I have a few friendships that fulfil my soul. It is unconditional, I will help,

I will assist, I will give, and I know they will do the same.

I seek a deep bond that is well rooted. I don’t seek to be manipulated or

taken advantage of or disappointed.  I seek to live by my code of being a

good friend, my code of conduct.

It makes it hard, doing what I do, I read people, I read thoughts, body language,

my gut feeling and intuition is accurate.

Sometimes I give you the benefit of the doubt,

but it still hurts when you proof me right.

Self sabotage, foolishness, hopelessness yes,

what to do in a world unaware, unconscious people whose goal is to survive in a

corrupt system.

I have been a loner, I share my thoughts with few, I take care to

guard, my heart, my soul, my energy.

I wait for Spirit tribe to appear.

I wait for like-minded souls.

I wait, because I cannot venture on a chance, the cost is to much.

I await to share sacred friendship only, because we ‘ll be friends for life,

today and beyond.


8 years after India – August Our Turning Point



In August 2007, we decided to sell our worldly possessions and

go adventuring in India. In India, we worked hard physically

doing eco friendly building for the Auroville Earth Institute,

our presence there changed things radically, but that is another story.

July seems to be the hardest month for us, illness wise, Willem gets sick

and this time around, he was sick for 3 weeks with cellulitus, a bacteria infection

followed by a nagging cold. July is tough for me, but with assistance from my

Ancestors, Guides, Helpers, and using  reiki on myself, I manage to overcome this


6 August 2008, we arrived back in South Africa. We crashed at Aunty Bokkie’s

house with 2 backpacks filled with Indian summer clothes, during

a Bethlehem Winter of -2. We quickly acquired winter clothing and started our

life Journey. I had decided to do a International holistic diploma which would take

on average 2 years, I did it in 5 months. I woke up at 4am, and studied until 12pm

everyday. December 2008, we went to Cape Town to collect sentimental items

and moved into a old double story stable house. The upstairs room would be my healing

studio and Willems art studio just opposite mine. We lived in the Middle of Bethlehem,

the Free State, the most hostile area for a holistic open minded therapist ever.

I encountered many request for happy endings from Farmers. I encountered

gay woman for the first time, asking me if I was from the Devil.

I encountered narcissist and sociapaths with very negative intentions.

I stayed in Bethlehem for 2 years. On the date of 6 August 2010, we moved

to the Midlands. I have grown to LOVE the Midlands and the variety of

farms and people we have met. Different characters, Different Agendas.

I look back in Gratitude to the LIFE lessons, I have learnt, both about myself and others.

Journeying to find our purpose, mine as a healer, Willem as a artist.

We have cried, laughed, learnt, been uncomfortable, sick, in pain, cold, lost loved one’s,

reconnected with old and new connections.

The path, we knew would be unknown, but We dared to walk it anyway because,

we want to be free, to be ourselves completely, in this search, we have found

love, contentment and Happiness.

8 years later, we have a home, a car, a good life of serving.

I am grateful to our families, friends, connections, thank you.

I am grateful to this journey and process of Learning and Serving.

I am most grateful to Willem he’s been the most life changing person ever.

I have so many lessons from this process, too many to share, maybe we can

have a chat with some tea and cake, we will have a awesome laugh!🙂

Love to you, my readers, who Inspire me.


(My disclaimer: I write this blog, to share feelings, life, laughter, my journey, its only about me,

and what I experience. Its Not to be taken Personally)



Moving House and Staying present by Claire : www.growingfree.co.za

Moving house and staying present


Last week we moved house. We left the rambling main farm house and squeezed into the adjoined guest flat to make way for the new manager. It was the first step towards our dream house on the hill. It is a strange time of transitioning, of overlaying of old and new. Everything slips around me. Old boundaries crumble and I struggle to etch out the lines anew. I have to let go and I have to stand firm. Relics from the past, items of ill-fit, and baggage that seemed useful but was somehow never used are all falling away. I wonder at the extent of the discomfort it brings. A shifting of physical possessions, an exchange of one set of walls for another, a different cast of light, a new filigree of branches through the window – these are simple changes surely?

In and of themselves they might be, but they are attendant to an avalanche of psychic change. They lay out around me a fresh pattern of values, principles, goals and responsibilities. I try to remind myself that discomfort brings awareness and wisdom. It shows me what is always there – a world of shifting sands and turning seasons. Drought then rain then snow then cold then sun then Spring. These changes will come whether I’m present or not. A life of rhythm is peaceful; one of stagnating habit is not. Right now I have neither. There is nothing to do but face the turmoil. Of course, denial is technically an option. So is ignorance and escapism. But they drag in their wake the truly awful turmoil, like sickness and violence.

And so I stay, and watch my life and routine smudge like a watercolor left out in a storm. I turn up every morning, every moment. I breathe deep, I give myself space, I pour myself another glass of wine. And then I visit Colleen, my healer. She wipes away the cobwebs clinging, and wheedles my muscles into here and now. I feel her hands carving the air, coaxing out fear, easing her way between the realms. I drift from the sublime to the mundane and back again. By the time my mind wanders back to my body it has sunk deep into its cocoon of blankets, hot stones and incense. I feel Colleen has taken a big black felt-tip and outlined my body, as one does a suspicious corpse. Because I am here, right now, inarguably so. No-one can dispute the physicality of me (although I know it would have only ever been me who would have tried). And as painful as it might be to realize, I know, deeply and loudly, that I am not my home. I am not my things, my kitchen or my clothes. I am not my husband and I am not my daughter. I have no idea what will happen next. But I know I have the courage to meet it. And I have the talent and the wit and the strength to do something meaningful when I do.


This post was sponsored by the incomparable Colleen of Midlands House of Healing. To book a session with her at her home outside Howick (or for distance healing), call or message her on 084 603 0604.

Best of you!



The Best of me. The best attitude. The best temperament. The best possible outlook. The loved possibility. I apologise for not always giving you my best.

I know I am human and so once you realize that you’ve received less than you deserve, I am sorry.

 I know that you cannot change me but I can change, to be a Better version of me.

I can choose to be kinder, gentler, more loving.

I can choose to be sweet because I love you.  

You are my world.  When I give you my best, I know you want to be your best for me also.

By me deciding to be the healthiest possible person means I’m not dependent on you for me, to be my best.

I can be, I must explore all of the aspects of me because I want to be me fully.

I want to share all my best with you, because I love you as much as you love me,

flaws and all.

Sickness and health.

Anger, shame, guilt, grief and goodness and all.

Agreements and disagreements because Life is filled with both bitter and sweet.

With love, let me do my best,

because I CHOOSE to change and Be my best for me.


I need you!


I need you. Need. I need food. I need water, I need air.

I need to Breathe. Need is not love.

LOVE, this Divine Spark within me.

The Love I feel for myself, knowing and accepting me means

I only need me. I am Master of me, myself  and  I.

I need Love yes, but not to be drained by your need.

Your need for drama, your need for creating chaos and darkness.

You bring no light, you are not light-hearted, your heavy, and show no love.

Love is the infinite secret, I seek.

I seek to know the strong Warriors embracing their light and their Darkness.

Dancing in the moonlight and singing in the rain.

Shinning no matter what scars they have,

no matter what hurt or pain they’ve endured.

Spirit is stronger.

We long for love, laughter, joy and the elusive happiness.

Now in this moment, I am happy.

I am whole, I am me.

We loose parts of ourselves,

we sacrifice our very essence to serve, to give, so we can have true love.

But the deepest love is within, a love to protect our hearts,

cherish our souls and only share our bodies with a true soulmate.

We seek intimacy, telepathy, magic, a deep longing for treasures of love.

We seek to fulfil this need, an ache, but we loose our way.

Love you. Love all of you, the good, the bad, the ugly,

the flaws because, I need you, to be you!


Written to you, by me.
Colleen van Heerden


11 months after living off the grid



Last year around this exact time, I had a melt down in my studio

in our wooden cabin. I then went to Willem, and said I am sorry, I cannot do this.

I am not in the building a house dream anymore, it has turned into a nightmare.

I said, all I want to do is live my purpose and help people heal, and he confessed all he

wanted to do is create magical paintings.

11 months later, we are very very happy at Phuzamoya farm in the Karkloof.

It has given us the space to grow into ourselves even more.

We chop wood when we choose to. We are 20 minutes away from Howick, and leisurely

go to town every week for groceries, we watch movies and

have warm cosy baths, eat delicious food, life is good!

How have I grown from this?

I have grown. When someone asks for my help, I check their motives and my own intention,

I refrain from JUMPING in and saving them.

(To grow their bank account, or help them manifest a new car)

I have become empowered to be a Warrior, I speak my truth, it might be harsh, but it comes out and

I don’t mind saying F@#$! off, please leave my home.

I am done with people pleasing.

I say NO often.

Currently, I feel bad because I have become harder, warrior like.

My morning music playlist ranges from :

The soundtrack of the VIKINGS series, Deadpool, Mantra,

The Outlander series : The Skye boat song, Ravi Shankar – Come on baby light my fire.

Turning 40, has evolved me, if I don’t want to do it, I won’t.

Home has become my sanctuary and safe space.

I am becoming more of a hobbit.

I started writing more of the words, I hold deep within.

My healing practise has grown from strength to strength,

thank you to all the amazing people here in the Midlands.

(they all have a space in my heart)

We have also managed to manifest a new car in 62 days. ( I will write a blog about this one. )


We have been gifted a new ginger cat, called CG, I feel he is Sebastian re-incarnated, he has

all the same characteristics, including loving me. He is my companion, he goes walking with me,

sleeps on top of me and moans for milk every morning.

My heart has healed and I feel this deep bond with him.

Willem and I together decided no more house guest for a while, we had a ghastly guest for 3 months,

and we cannot afford to live with an unhappy person,

polluting our space, because we love it here.

I am grateful for every experience.

I am grateful, I don’t live in a wooden cabin, freezing my a@@ off.

I am grateful to have an awesome life purpose.

I am grateful for my partner, who is awesome on every level.

I am grateful for myself, for growing through any tough situation.

I am grateful and happy for what I have learnt.

I am grateful for you, the reader, journeying with me.

Thank you for a great year!

Bless you.




Open wide! the empath and the dentist.

Open wide


Over the last 3 months, I have become friends with my dentist.

WHY? Well, I have had an abscess 3 times due to an infected tooth.

It grew and grew into the size of a golf ball. So, yesterday,

he finally drilled into it to clean the tooth and clear it out.

As an empath, it is difficult for me, to have someone in my personal space,

because I feel their feelings, emotions, and thoughts and Illness. 

I have journeyed with this dentist for a while, because I need to heal and

he seems to be the ONE to be my healer.

He is an Indian Man, in his 50’s and the only way I could trust him,

was to start building a human relationship with him.

We talk about his hobbies, wife and kids, his travelled all over the world.

I saw him  on Monday, he was sick with flu, so yesterday,

I took him honey and lemons to drink in hot water, he was

so thankful, that he hugged me. He shared his story, of his 2 daughters

with me and on some level we bonded more.

I am slowly beginning to trust him and relax in the patients chair,

without tensing up, even after 3 injections in my mouth.

I have become grateful for his expertise and advise.

He explains things well and takes the time to help me understand.

I had to give myself a good talking to about a dentist and

face my fear head on. Lets face it, your mouth is personal,

so is your space. I ensure I am grounded well, I listen to soothing music

on the way to the dentist and I hum while he is drilling in my mouth,

using that horrible suction device and making a whole lot of noise

inside my mouth.

I am learning to breathe, finding my happy place, without freaking out.

I have learnt that preparing myself is the key, to Keep your mouth OPEN for the dentist,

don’t let him have to force it open, as it hurts.

I have learnt to just surrender and let whatever happens, I will reiki myself later and heal what I can.

Journeying on…… and Opening wide.

Serving my Human Purpose?

pregnancy massage 2 SML


Serving my human Purpose!

Not Hunger. Not Thirst. Not Desire. Not want.

Not sickness. Not Illness. Not Injury. Not fatigue.

All of which I have experienced in the last 8 years has stopped me from

fulfilling my purpose as a Healer, Teacher, Therapist, Shaman, Wife.

The path I stepped into, was UNKNOWN.

Sport Massage 1 SML


It was a journey, to save my own soul.
A journey which led me to a foreign land, I found my place of belonging.

I wake up early, when there is no light, but my breathe, my heart, my spirit soars.

Today, once again, I get to  LIVE and Serve my PURPOSE.

I breath. I walk. I do yoga. I meditate. I connect to what you cannot see.

I prepare the massage bed, the space into sacredness that you cannot touch.

I feel your pain. I feel your ache. I feel the origin of your need for LOVE.

I dig deep, I grab hold of what no longer serves you, I replace it with LOVE.

I only share, what you ask. I never tell the whole story.

I don’t mention your Ancestors in the room. I don’t mention your path.

I only heal, where you and what you allow me.

So, I serve my purpose of Healer, Teacher, Helper, writer, blogger, Mother, Wife,

journey woman, as I know tomorrow brings new challenges, deeper meaning,

and more Healing to do.

Purpose, fulills and completes me, on every level of my being.

Nothing else matters. Not food, Not drink. Not Love.

Only this, and this path, I journey on.


Face with crystal SML







I hear you speak,  you mouth off, all the meaningless words. Words reacted, words trained and drilled into you.

You don’t read, you only respond with your emptiness. Your words carry no meaning. Your words carry a

bag of Hot air, rolling off your tongue, planting no seeds. So many use this form of communication.

No eye contact, No humanity, no Attentiveness.

Closed. Blocked. Walled in! evasive!  Running from the noise within, hiding from their Inner voice.

The voice that tells the truth, the one you don’t want to hear.

Listen, open your heart.

Breathe. Be. Listen to what you feel, inside.

Hear your Heartbeat.

Feel your breathe.

Hug someone, feel. You are not a Zombie.


Feel. Speak slowly.

Hear you, bursts forth.

Heal you, within.




Soul Resuscitation by Shane @ wearewingingit.wordpress.com

Soul resuscitation

When I rocked up for my reiki appointment with Colleen at Midlands House of Healing, I was a wreck.

Make that roadkill.

Some of the people who know me could see I was taking some “strain”. Sleep deprived, with zits (always a win) and a cold I’d had for 3 weeks. Mum burnout. It’s no joke.

But Colleen just knew, immediately, before I’d said a word, that I was also angry, depressed, fearful, tearful, not connected with myself. Which made her laugh.

I told her I’d pretty much been feeling like a husk of my former self for 11 months (since the Jumping Bean was born).

She laughed even harder.

In fact, she laughed so hard she was bent over double … gasping for air. “11 MONTHS!? You put yourself through 11 months of THIS?!”

I didn’t have to tell her I hadn’t made any time for myself and had neglected my meditation and yoga (but I did anyway). This time she laughed so hard she actually had tears running down her cheeks.

The woman was incredulous.

Right away, she knew me. Colleen is one of the most intuitive, compassionate beings I have ever come across. She immediately perceived that I have a frightfully well developed inner compass. I know when something in my life is off. Or needs attention. I know the importance of self-care. I’m the first one to kick one of my friends up the naught when she hasn’t been looking after herself. I get MAD when I see mothers neglecting themselves. I know that when I am happy, everyone in my family is happy. And vice versa.

And yet. There I was. Up shit creek and heading for the rapids. Not taking my own advice. For almost a YEAR. Which was funny.

Oh and also, I am an empath. A highly sensitive person. Emotionally porous. I absorb other people’s energy. Including negative energy. I feel what others are feeling. Which can often be heavy, man. Straight away Colleen saw that I was voluntarily carrying the kak of a ridiculous number of people. I just couldn’t stop feeling all this pain and worry.

Anyway, I didn’t want that amazing reiki session to end.

Afterwards, I felt freer. And me-er. After a year in the wilderness, I actually saw my husband again with the same eyes that first spotted him 9 years ago across a crowded beer tent on the eve of Ramadan in Dubai.

(Admittedly I did have a day or two of feeling vulnerable and cringing at what I had done to get myself into this hond-breakfast, but then I actually frigging forgave myself, and felt lighter and more grounded).

Welcome to getting past gatvol. (Just in case you don’t know what gatvol means). 

Since returning to Joburg, I asked Colleen to do a distance healing for me and the Jumping Bean. Woah. Hold the iPhone, I know that sounds weird. How the heck does it work? Well, energy can be felt across a bajollion kilometers, we all know that. (Like when you think of someone, and then you get a Whatsapp from them?) This experience was truly amazing. There is much more ease in our lives and, its crazy, Jumping Bean has been an absolute little sunbeam ever since.

I am excited again.

Reiki is a healing technique to restore physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing. It’s about channeling and rebalancing energy and unblocking the chakras of the body.

Contact Colleen here. 




Healing Therapies on Offer :



Swedish Massage – De-stress, Relax, Rejuvenate Your Body: 
Hot stone back and neck – R200
Hot stone back of body – R300
Hot stone full body – R450

Intense Deep Tissue Work:
Hot stone sport massage with cupping – R450

Release, Forgive, Love Massage:
Kahuna massage / Hawaiian lomi lomi deep tissue – R500

One Day Extreme Detox:
Swedish repair massage, Reiki and Kahuna massage – R1500

Mom & Baby Massage:
Pregnancy massage: intuitively linking the two and relaxing the body, to reduce swelling – R450

Couples Massage:
Teach your partner to massage you, promoting intimacy and love – R450

Reiki with Crystals and Sound Healing:
To balance your chakras, reduce stress, heal the inner child, balance female and male energies – R320

Distance Healing Program (Also available for Mom and baby)
7 x sessions from anywhere in the world – 1hr of set relaxation time required
R200 per day

House or Office Clearing
Clearing of space/negative energy; boosting vibration to abundance – R400Assisting Pregnancy

A Journey of creation; boosting aura with Reiki to bring forth new life – R500Crossing Over : Sickly

Do you have a loved one whose struggling and suffering? Assisting with healing and letting go into the Spiritual realm – 7 days x


What is Psychotherapy/ Counselling? 

Psychotherapy covers the basic nature of being human.
Love, hate, birth, death, sexuality, power and the vast complexities which sway the hearts of men and women.

What is the vision of Counselling or Coaching as a Life coach?

Every human being is of value and that it is important that every individual should be able to develop his own personality in an unrestricted and complete way. To be Free!

How does this influence being human?

Chemistry influences how people think and what people think, influences how we are. How we think, so we are.

What can be addressed in a session?  (R300 per session)

Every aspect of being human.
Anxiety, depression, anger, addiction, changing you, growth.
Being more positive in your life.
Achieving goals. Staying focused in the now.
Grief. Divorce. Trauma. Fear.  Sadness.
Birth. Abuse. Sexual abuse.

Want to book a session?
Contact : Colleen van Heerden 084 6030 604
Email: midlandshouseofhealing@gmail.com

Friends of MHOH

Friends of Midlands House of Healing / Useful Links

Useful Websites


Shihaam Peck (Cape Town Kahuna massage)


Clever Bird Banter
Nicola Tweed
I Love The Midlands
Che Dyer Yoga
Wellness With Taryn
Growing Free
We Are The Wildflowers

Mummy issues = Carrying a chip on your shoulder?



The most important person in a babies life is the MOTHER!

read that again. The most important person in a babies life is the mother.

The Mother is responsible for eating, changing, nurturing, loving, caring, teaching you to embrace the world.

How your mother “reacts” to a baby, impacts on your life forever.

Every EMOTION the baby feels  – Being loved, Being wanted, A sense of Belonging are all emotions felt

in the WOMB!  Every hormonal experience of the mother affects the babies sexuality (gay or not), life approach (positive or not), life attitude (victim or victor), whether a the kid has depression,

psychic health and well being, and even self love.

The role of the MOTHER is the most important ROLE ever.



LOVE! Unconditional. . . .ly

Knowing that your baby CHOSE you to grow on a soul level.

Knowing that every soul has a JOURNEY.

LOVE is the KEY! Loving your baby and the life experience is a CHOICE.

Taking into consideration that “carrying a MUMMY chip on your shoulder” = Impacts on your life,

where you decide to be a VICTIM  = My mother did not love me syndrome.

This impacts on your balance as a human being. Once highlighted, you can decide to PUT it down and

just embrace Yourself with LOVE and Learn to LOVE life.

Learn to grow from every painful experience. Love, Bless, Forgive them and YOU!

Learn to become an empowered PERSON! Say NO! F*&^% it.

Learn to become amazing despite…your Mother.

Learn to be the best of YOU!

Learn that you deserve LOVE.

You deserve A awesome life.

You are worth it and ENOUGH.

Realizing that SOME Mothers are just as good as a SPERM donour.  Thanks for the egg MOM!

There is a positive approach to overcoming the mother chip, JUST DECIDE TO!

Most of all LOVE, ACCEPT, Choose to Nurture you, choose to Flourish, Grow,

learning to express every emotion you feel, becoming a happy and wholesome you.

Society  – Says subdue you. We are often talked out of our feelings when we cry,

when we hurt, when we feel pain, but I say feel it but don’t get locked into it,

keep moving.

Cultivate with your CHOICE a space of Happiness, JOY, Laughter, Dancing = Madness.

Life is serious yes! BUT!  you can decide to have joy and fun with it.

Don’t let anyone steal your JOY! Keep at it.



Decluttering by Claire : www.growingfree.co.za



In two months (or less), we’re moving house. Physically the move is not far or big, but conceptually and spiritually, it’s mammoth. We’re giving up four bedrooms, three bathrooms and 200 square meters of floor space, and bundling our little family into a one-roomed house of 70 square meters. Our new house has yet to be completed. It stands on a bare hillside with the wind whistling through the rafters. It has no electricity, no water, and *gasp* no internet. In my mind, where the future is rosy and prosperous with material things, this house is brimming with comfort and character, with vegetable gardens and orchards and a shed and a garage and bedroom extensions and a cow fence and something beautiful laid over its current concrete slab. In the world, this house waits to be built by the force of my own will and grit and power. I stand on the empty hillside, dry brown grass falling at my feet to the valley below, and know deep inside that I’m finally growing up. Already thirty years old, with a baby of my own, I’m walking forward into the unknown, hacking away at the expectations and defaults of others. I’m following my heart, even when it seems to make little sense. I feel the shift inside as something painful but cleansing. As the collection of tiny changes click into place, slowly turning the hidden into something visible, I hear new refrains beating in my thoughts. I used to ask, ‘What is easiest?’ Now I ask, ‘What is right?’ I have learnt that a life that is easy cannot be beautiful, just as I’ve learnt that a life that is not messy cannot be real. I move forward with no map to guide me, only a growing set of principles: to seek out that which is meaningful, to live ethically, and to be generous. These (and my shrinking home base) lead one activity above all to dominate my days: decluttering.

About six months ago I read about the Konmari method – a minimalist approach which advises us to keep only that which brings us joy. Jitter berry, the Australian blogger who introduced me to Konmari, has taken this a step further. She says much might bring us joy, but what can we actually manage? She exhorts us to keep only what we can manage responsibly, and with joy. To live the lives of meaning and affluence as advertised by Geshe Roach in The Diamond Cutter, we must be scrupulous. This demands of us a gargantuan effort. We enable ourselves by pruning away the unnecessary: in our possessions, in our schedules, in our hearts.

While my days are filling with boxes and dustballs, I sought out help in a spiritual spring clean from Colleen at the Midlands House of Healing*. During our session, my mind was cut adrift from its usual plans and lists. As Colleen’s hands pushed harder and longer, I found myself wondering at the changes in this healer, which I could feel even though I could not understand them. She told me later of a reiki attunement she had performed on a student of hers. Reiki is a Japanese form of energy healing which harnesses life force for the purposes of healing. Colleen’s last training marked the 46th time she has opened this kind of channel. Each one has changed her in profound and irrevocable ways. It seems life is not made for standing still and change is not something we can escape. To look it square in the eye entails sloughing off the old. This is a task to be undertaken with love, clarity and kindness. That which surrounds us – our past, our possessions, our memories – are not mistakes. Nor are they steps en route to perfection or another as yet undisclosed destination. They form the collections of a lifetime, and they are important pieces of who we are. But they are too heavy to carry forward. The way is steep, knotted with brambles and paved with loose scattered shale. In order to walk this path we must let go of what we no longer need. Because joy awaits us. Joy and meaning and purpose. They lie there like secret treasure…hidden in our clutter.


*To receive help from Colleen, call or message her on 084 603 0604, or check out her website.