It has been a hard year for me. I have moved house twice, unpacked 3 times and shifted time and space to be at Phuzamoya, it feels like home. Safe, Solitude, Blue skies, green garden, our vegetable garden keeps blossoming and the raspberries are growing. I watch the fig trees starting to bear fruit. The road is maintained well. I am happy. I even have wifi now, a 5 year wish which has now been realized.
I needed to recap and keep me inspired. I will be turning 40 next year, and I feel freaked out, not for what I have achieved but for what I still want to do, my visions, my dreams, my aspirations.
I have learnt some hard lessons, being an empath doesn’t come with a free pass to Karma, as a Reiki master the Karma is Instant, like a whiplash.
I listen to peoples words and body needs and when I feel I can help, I instinctively do, but what I am finding is people sometimes don’t want help, they will easily use an excuse, to opt out to actually accepting what they need or take full responsibility for what they create. It is far easier to mouth off and complain, and be hooked on drama.
I am not immune to getting angry, sometimes when I get angry. (My anger is stirred by Injustice to human beings or others) I get sick, this time I had a apses growing in my mouth connecting to my sinus, it took 3 dentist visits, antibiotics, 3 injections to get it all out of me. But until I was ready to talk about it or deal with it, it stayed. Anger – It is a form of fear : fear of being hurt, fear of disappointment, fear of being harmed.
My protective layer instinctively creates a wall, so no hurt can enter.
There is no one who feels more deeply than an empath, we remember everything. My memory remembers smells, pictures, visions, dreams from my childhood. My senses store memory, it remembers everything. I remember words, conversations, life events, I remember the human body, I remember everything.
If I have ever worked on you, I will remember your body too.
I needed to reboot myself with Wp’s help. I needed Hindi music, I needed to read the 40 rules of Love by Elif Shafak, (thank you Sharon) I needed to recap with myself.
Moving is very UNGROUNDING for me, after having received 2 acupuncture and myofascial releases weeks ago, all of this just came tumbling down.
I am good again, I can see the beauty of life. I can feel the natural chi in the sky. I can feel the birds chirp, I can see the trees growing, I can feel alive again with a open heart, mending, healing, believing once again.
I dreamt of an old friend of mine, he was a altar boy, a good soul, he was kind hearted and it felt like my spirit was accepting and having processed all that has happened this year, that it was ok. I have grown.
I have learnt hard lessons but even that was ok to.
No soul lesson goes without its hardship.
I saw Jack Pye this week, one of the babies that was created with Reiki and intention. He was walking, 2 weeks short of his first birthday. I remembered the journey we undertook a year ago, the process of birthing, the treatments to his mom and watching him smile, filled with Life and a deep happiness, makes everything good again.
Makes everything magical, awesome, balanced and conscious.
Words cannot describe that feeling of awe, I have when watching him.
I am grateful for this process. I keep being redefined as a Healer, a wife, a therapist, a journey woman.
A feeling that yes, I must always remember to protect my spirit,
Because it is who I am, the two intertwine, they have meshed, and become so part of my reality, my dream, my Universe.
I remembered holy men telling my mom, I was special, many people warning her to keep me safe, I finally understood it. I have processed it and
Understand this purpose of a healer, it is not for everyone, it is a path of a disciplined life of truth, it is not easy but wisdom is gained through every storm, every pain, every heartache.
A life of deeper responsibility and accountability, the deeper I venture into
Spirituality, the lesser this world makes sense.
True meaning of life is Love and to be loved, honoured, treasured, appreciated, to give service and to be adored by those who love you. These are things money cannot buy, only true character will prosper here.
May your healing Journey continue to keep you connected to Your Inner self, your true being.
God is busy with the completion of your work, both outwardly and inwardly. He is fully occupied with you. Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly but inexorably moving toward perfection. We are each an unfinished work of art both waiting and striving to be completed. God deals with each of us separately because humanity is a fine art of skilled penmanship where every single dot is equally important for the entire picture.
(Quote from The 40 rules of love by Elif Shafak pg 162)
I quote this page because after writing this blog, it just made sense …
Colleen van Heerden