Be better by Claire @ http://www.growingfree.co.za
In my childhood, through my youth and young adulthood I had little idea of the tigress that lived inside me. She stalked my life in silence, tail twitching, eyes glinting. My daughter grew alongside her in the depths of my womb. The day that my daughter was pulled out of my belly, in a blur of fluorescent light, green-robed attendants and mechanical whisperings, a glimmer of light snuck in and played over the fur of the fearsome beast. She knew then that the time for her to escape had come. My daughter was carried away from me, leaving me alone in my body once more, and the tigress clawed her way up and into my heart. Now here she sits, ears pricked and claws sharp. She waits for injustice, she looks for lies. All her force and power is now mine. I became more fully myself. I became whole and healed even as I was cut open and pulled apart.
The world needs this tigress, and so does my daughter. Who will fight for my child if I do not? Who will fight for truth and light and goodness and God if I do not? My daughter deserves better than this world. All our children do. We must find our courage in the depth of their need. Love for our children is seeded in this dependence. And it asks of us to reach deeper and be more than we ever have before. Each of us carries wounds unhealed, truths ignored, and sins disguised. These stains leach onto our children. We will never love them if we cannot love ourselves. They will never be good enough if we are not. We have no chance of guiding them to good health if we ignore our own. If we cower in fear of others’ opinions and expectations, so too will they. If we let evil slip by us unchallenged they will never learn right from wrong while under our care. Their salvation lies in our own. And our salvation rests in our willingness to fight for truth and seek out healing.
You can be better than you are. I am not referring to your bank balance, or your status, your calorie count or your circle of friends. The ways in which each of us gets closer to who we are truly meant to be are diverse and infinite. Because you and your path are unique. You might lean towards your full potential by pounding roads at dusk as you hone your body for greatness, you might find it in the early morning light dappling your yoga mat, or your prayer rug. You might enroll for therapy* and exorcize demons, or give away your money and exorcize clutter. You might start a business, or have a baby, or travel the world, or build a house, or heal others, or simply pay unfailing fastidious attention to the quality of your life.
You can shine so bright all the world is dazzled by your light. And you really don’t need to give a fuck if anyone else finds that inconvenient. For those seeking to hide, the volume of your truth can be overwhelming, distasteful or offensive. These people cannot hurt you, and they should not deter you. They serve your purpose, because they show you just where the dark spots lie.
To know the extent of my power is thrilling. It is also terrifying. I let this fierce and beautiful creature prowl around in the dark for years and years because I was afraid. I was fearful not of her power but of the responsibility it brought with it. To know my own strength would be to know my responsibility to acknowledge injustice, and to do everything in my power to right it. I am still dominated by this reluctance. I want, more than anything, for this to not be my burden. But my need is greater. Her need is greater.
And what we need, all of us, is to walk with the light.
*This post was sponsored by Colleen of Midlands House of Healing. While I credit the emergence of my tigress to my daughter, Colleen did much of the coaxing. Over a year of monthly treatments she left invisible messages of courage, wiped away the grime of confusion and let me transform within a cocoon of love. We tend to think of massage as a treat, an indulgence. But self-transformation is something we owe the world more than ourselves. Seek out what help you can on the painful road to change. Keep moving forward, for all our sakes.