Over the past 4 weeks, I have seen a doctor, a reflexologist therapist, a Physiotherapist
and a Shaman. WHY ? You ask? Well I feel its time to get me more into shape.
Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually.
Accessing a deeper level of myself, my Female self which I hide well.
I can give unconditional love but I do have trouble accepting love.
It stems from my parents, see I was rejected the moment I was conceived,
my mother tried her best to smoke me to death, so I was born prematurely by 2 months,
I almost died and well, the instant my father heard about me, he disappeared.
Rejection, Abandonment, Hurt, Needy, Vulnerability these are all the emotions I
buried, until now. I realized that as a empath, I have made excuses for both of them,
I carried them, I hoped, I romanticised, I created a utopia that one day, that we would live
happily ever after, alas,
it is not to be so.
A shaman did a bone throwing for me, which highly advised me that I disconnect from
both of them, for various reasons. Truth is my grandparents raised me and strangers
taught me what I needed to learn. They unfortunately, did not possess the LOVE, I needed to
become who I am. So, I cried my heart out last week Thursday, I awoke with a plan of what
and how to end this nightmare connection. A connection which has only caused me heartache and
depression. I will do the different ceremonies this week as per the shaman, start a disconnection process because
as vulnerable and uncomfortable as this is, it is needed and necessary and part of my path.
I will be clearing the connection to appease the ancestors on my fathers side who are dark,
so, I can fully step into my path, and disconnect from these obstacles.
Interesting hey! until it is your story. . . . Definitely, had to reign in myself and not take
any of this personally, and accept that this is a weak spot of vulnerability, and address it,
step into it, and Forgive and Release it, and become more of me.
Sometimes we can choose our fate.
Sometimes it is already pre destined.
Sometimes, we can fix it, but sometimes we just need to let go.
Sometimes, forgiveness can cover a mountain of sin.
Sometimes, the imperfect, can create good.
Sometimes, the pain is released and LOVE is revealed.
Journeying on. . .