I sit under the tree, I breathe a sigh of relief,
or kid sister, just me and my thoughts.
I watch the ants go by. I listen to the leaves rustle in the wind, peace.
No responsibility! Freedom for me! yay! I love these moments I create for me.
There is a endless list of chores to do at home, “take care of your sister” look after her,
keep her out of trouble”, feed the dog, water the garden.
I learnt to run away, run to the neighbour, go to the shop, buy this or that.
I am the responsible one, I listen to my elders, I am the goodie two shoes,
I don’t see it as a gift but more of a punishment.
Because I am good, I am treated differently, the “bad” kids get help
with everything, I am left to my own devices, to raise myself,
to listen to their words of
truths , regret, bitterness, anger, “if only’s”,
its like the warnings of pregnancies, kids, are imprinted into me and even
though I love kids, I know, I wont have any of my own.
I go to bed tired, tired of being the “good” kid because tomorrow is
another day filled with chores, instructions, school, homework, study,
fetch my sister and so on, another day!
I know this is NOT how it is supposed to be.
I want to be free to do the bad also, not because I am bad, but
because I need to grow up without your judgment,
into the frame of LOVE, which is absent.
I recognise this is not normal, I recognise, I am different
and I choose to love me anyway because you have no love,
not even for you.